The last time we heard from the voices in my head (or at least the last time YOU heard from them…they won’t freaking shut up for me), they were cheering me on while I attempted to walk/run 6 miles with my friend in the middle of the Australian summer. I also ate a fly and may have accidentally married Miss A in the process. All in all, a very productive workout session, I would say.
Well, both Geanie and Meanie now want to let you know how to survive the first week after uprooting your entire family and moving across the globe. Again. For the second time in 9 months.
Let’s see what they have to say, shall we?
Geanie: OMG! We totally get to move to England! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to move to England!! I hope I get to have tea and crumpets with the Queen! I need to practice my accent: The raaaaain in Spaaaaain faaauls gently on the plaaaaaaain. I CANNOT WAIT!
Meanie: OH DEAR GOD! Not again! We just freaking moved! We just got our stuff from Australia after waiting 4 FREAKING MONTHS and now we have to pack up everything AGAIN???? KILL ME NOW!
Geanie: Wahoo! We get to go through all of our belongings and get rid of the clutter. I bet we can sell quite a few things to make some extra cash so that we can have another fresh start! Decluttering feels so good! Hmmm….what else do I have a lot of that perhaps I can sell so we won’t have to lug so much stuff with us? Hmmmmmmmmm………..
Meanie: DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! Get your disgusting, cheery hands off of my yarn! I don’t care that I have enough to open my own store and that the guest room is going to consist of a yarn stuffed mattress, closet, dresser, and possibly bathtub! If I even catch a glimpse dollar signs in your eyes when you look at my yarn, I WILL CUT YOU!
Geanie: Oh, the kids are going to love being on an airplane again! Luckily, the flight isn’t very long, and it’s at night so they can sleep, so they should get over the jet lag pretty easily. YAY!! My kids are awesome!
Meanie: UUuuuuuuughhhh. A red eye flight. And we’re leaving hours after the kids’ bedtime which means they’re going to be super tired and probably super cranky. If we have another episode like we did flying to Bangkok, I may have to kill…….everyone.
Geanie: We made it!! Yay! It’s so freaking cute! It’s like we stepped out of an Agatha Christie novel! I cannot wait to meet the neighbors! Maybe they know the Queen and can introduce me. YAYAYAYAY!
Meanie: Wow. It's.....not bad. So many wild blackberries growing all over the place. I actually could really like this pla…..WHAT THE CRAP??? I’ve been attacked by some plant and am swelling, itching and hurting all at the same time!! STINGING NETTLES???? I thought I left all the dangerous wildlife back in Australia!!
Geanie: Oh yay! Going car shopping has never been so fun! A beautiful car drive along the quaint country roads! The kids have been such troopers, even though they’ve been stuck in the car all day. Oh my sweet little angels! I just want to snuggle them to pieces!
Meanie: Holy crap this is a long drive! Where the heck is this dealership? What?? Down a dirt road that leads to a farm? Are we in the right place?? Just great! We’re lost in the middle of England somewhere and both the kids are saying they need to go potty. UGH!! It’s not like we can just take a 50 pacer on the side of the road!
Geanie: Awwwww! How cute! Seeing their tiny little butts hanging off the side of the fence while they potty out in the country, just like the cows and sheep they’re looking at! Their first Poop On The Side of The Road in the Country! What a momentous occasion!
Meanie: DO NOT TAKE A DUMP ON MY SHOES! Point your butt THAT way! HURRY UP AND PUSH, ALREADY!
Geanie: Whew! What a long day! The end of our first week in England! Now to sleep in our cute English house, with the cute English windows, on our cute English beds. SO LOVING IT HERE!!!
Meanie. GAH! I’m so ready to pass out from all the exhaustion! When will our bed get here?? And, GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, ENGLAND!! Put some freaking screens on the windows! I’ve never seen so many spiders in my house in my whole life! AND I LIVED IN AUSTRALIA FOR 3 YEARS!!! I hope we’re going to survive here…..
We have definitely survived our first week and are enjoying discovering all the different quirks of living in a new country. One thing’s for sure- there is enough vegetation all around so that, if needed, you can pull over during a long drive and poop on the side of the road in complete privacy. No toilet paper? No worries! There are plenty of leaves to choose from! Just be careful, though. Australia has some dangerous bugs and animals, but England has plants that can bite you. (SERIOUSLY!! Stinging nettles?!?! They freaking hurt, man!)