Sunday, August 23, 2015

The Voices in My Head Present: Surviving an International Move…..AGAIN

The last time we heard from the voices in my head (or at least the last time YOU heard from them…they won’t freaking shut up for me), they were cheering me on while I attempted to walk/run 6 miles with my friend in the middle of the Australian summer. I also ate a fly and may have accidentally married Miss A in the process. All in all, a very productive workout session, I would say.

Well, both Geanie and Meanie now want to let you know how to survive the first week after uprooting your entire family and moving across the globe. Again. For the second time in 9 months.

Let’s see what they have to say, shall we?

Geanie: OMG! We totally get to move to England! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to move to England!! I hope I get to have tea and crumpets with the Queen! I need to practice my accent: The raaaaain in Spaaaaain faaauls gently on the plaaaaaaain. I CANNOT WAIT!

Meanie: OH DEAR GOD! Not again! We just freaking moved! We just got our stuff from Australia after waiting 4 FREAKING MONTHS and now we have to pack up everything AGAIN???? KILL ME NOW!

Geanie: Wahoo! We get to go through all of our belongings and get rid of the clutter. I bet we can sell quite a few things to make some extra cash so that we can have another fresh start! Decluttering feels so good! Hmmm….what else do I have a lot of that perhaps I can sell so we won’t have to lug so much stuff with us? Hmmmmmmmmm………..

Meanie: DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! Get your disgusting, cheery hands off of my yarn! I don’t care that I have enough to open my own store and that the guest room is going to consist of a yarn stuffed mattress, closet, dresser, and possibly bathtub! If I even catch a glimpse dollar signs in your eyes when you look at my yarn, I WILL CUT YOU!

Geanie: Oh, the kids are going to love being on an airplane again! Luckily, the flight isn’t very long, and it’s at night so they can sleep, so they should get over the jet lag pretty easily. YAY!! My kids are awesome!

Meanie: UUuuuuuuughhhh. A red eye flight. And we’re leaving hours after the kids’ bedtime which means they’re going to be super tired and probably super cranky. If we have another episode like we did flying to Bangkok, I may have to kill…….everyone.

Geanie: We made it!! Yay! It’s so freaking cute! It’s like we stepped out of an Agatha Christie novel! I cannot wait to meet the neighbors! Maybe they know the Queen and can introduce me. YAYAYAYAY!

Meanie: Wow. It's.....not bad. So many wild blackberries growing all over the place. I actually could really like this pla…..WHAT THE CRAP??? I’ve been attacked by some plant and am swelling, itching and hurting all at the same time!! STINGING NETTLES???? I thought I left all the dangerous wildlife back in Australia!!

Geanie: Oh yay! Going car shopping has never been so fun! A beautiful car drive along the quaint country roads! The kids have been such troopers, even though they’ve been stuck in the car all day. Oh my sweet little angels! I just want to snuggle them to pieces!

Meanie: Holy crap this is a long drive! Where the heck is this dealership? What?? Down a dirt road that leads to a farm? Are we in the right place?? Just great! We’re lost in the middle of England somewhere and both the kids are saying they need to go potty. UGH!! It’s not like we can just take a 50 pacer on the side of the road!

Geanie: Awwwww! How cute! Seeing their tiny little butts hanging off the side of the fence while they potty out in the country, just like the cows and sheep they’re looking at! Their first Poop On The Side of The Road in the Country! What a momentous occasion!


Geanie: Whew! What a long day! The end of our first week in England! Now to sleep in our cute English house, with the cute English windows, on our cute English beds. SO LOVING IT HERE!!!

Meanie. GAH! I’m so ready to pass out from all the exhaustion! When will our bed get here?? And, GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY, ENGLAND!! Put some freaking screens on the windows! I’ve never seen so many spiders in my house in my whole life! AND I LIVED IN AUSTRALIA FOR 3 YEARS!!! I hope we’re going to survive here…..

We have definitely survived our first week and are enjoying discovering all the different quirks of living in a new country. One thing’s for sure- there is enough vegetation all around so that, if needed, you can pull over during a long drive and poop on the side of the road in complete privacy. No toilet paper? No worries! There are plenty of leaves to choose from! Just be careful, though. Australia has some dangerous bugs and animals, but England has plants that can bite you. (SERIOUSLY!! Stinging nettles?!?! They freaking hurt, man!)

Thursday, August 13, 2015

On The Move Again

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was a time of insane stress, and a time of unbridled excitement. Moving day is always like that- a mixture of OMG! We're moving again! and, OMGWE'REMOVINGAGAIN!!! 

We are currently in yet another hotel room, awaiting our flight tomorrow to take us to another land where we’ll have another house, have to look for another car, hopefully meet new friends (wanna be my friend?? There may be yarn in it for you...), and pray our stuff doesn’t take another freakin’ 4 months to come back to us

It’s almost exactly 4 years since our last big move from the States. Moving is never easy, but I must admit, compared to 4 years ago, this has been a walk in the park.

Back then, we had a 2 month old newborn, I was having horrendous postpartum depression and anxiety and was *thiiiiiiiiiiis* close to a total meltdown. I was so afraid my precious little baby was going throw me a curve ball and, instead of just eat, sleep, and poop like he normally did, he'd....I don't know....poop, eat, and then sleep? Or something similarly crazy like that.

I was terrified of breastfeeding on the plane and then having a huge diaper blowout to contend with, as well as a potential screaming baby for all to enjoy. I was terrified of everything, really. Man. I was a mess.

Now, even though we have 2 small children this time around, we thankfully don’t have a newborn anymore. I am not dealing with postpartum hormones (THANK YOU, JESUS!) and I don’t worry about what goes in or out of their mouths or butts anymore. Just a little duct tape for their mouths and a cork for their butts and BOOM. We have this travel thing down.

Even though this has been an easier move, comparatively, it has not been an easy move by any means. This last bout of Lyme has seriously kicked my butt, making me all but useless many days. Perrrrrfect timing for when I need to be on my game for such a stressful time, let me tell ya.

However, today has been a good day. A calm day. We have finished most of the large items on our list and have a good plan in place for the other things we need to do tomorrow before we leave. Everyone is sleeping right now, including My Mister. It’s a well-deserved rest for him and I just hope these next couple of days will go smoothly so we’ll all be relaxed and have an easy transition to our new abode.

One of the large items on my list included an activity with my BFF Lyteyz. You see, after hearing about all the fun I’ve had yarnbombing with my Aussie friends, she really wanted to get in on the action before we moved. However, since it would just be the two of us, we had to choose a small target so we could complete it in time, as well as minimize our chances of getting chased by the PoPo. Dude. I don’t need any more stress. Or arrest warrants. I’m hardcore, yo.

So we decided to yarnbomb my sister’s Jeep.

It was brilliant, really. She was on a mission trip to Haiti, so we were able to get the measurements without her knowing. Lyteyz worked on many of the squares right away while I went nuts trying to get ready for a move. She was afraid that I wasn’t up for it anymore since our move date was getting closer and closer and I hadn’t worked on it at all. However, she totally underestimated my ability to crochet like a madwoman when jacked on adrenaline, stress, and a mountain of mind altering drugs. (Don't you dare take away my caffeine- I will cut you.)

I had the perfect design for her- something I designed years ago, though for a different purpose. I had to polish up my rusty algebra skills to get it to work just right and am pleased to report that I am still able to solve for “x.” Yes. I know. I am all that and a bag of Cheetos.

Lyteyz was leaving early Saturday morning on vacation (which means she won’t be able to see us off tomorrow- *sniff*), so we stayed up Friday night til 1am crocheting and sewing and yet, alas, we still were not able to finish everything to pull it off that night. BOOOOOOOOOO!

So, even though it was her first yarnbombing, my dear Lyteyz was unable to participate in the actual “bombing” part. However, since it only took a couple minutes to put up, she really didn’t miss anything. Well, actually, I could have used her help during the knife fight and subsequent tazing, but otherwise, she didn’t miss anything.

So, on the eve of the eve of my last day here, I put up my latest yarnbombing. 

It's Mrs. Skullhead Bony Hands!

My sister loved it and both Lyteyz and I are happy to know our hard work will be appreciated and will last for a long time, instead of being torn down and tossed away like last time. (Oh wow- seriously forgot that I never blogged about the last time!)

It felt good to get my creative and designing juices flowing again. Now I just need to wait for all my yarn to make it back safely to my hoarding arms so that I can once again unleash bombs of yarny goodness all over my future hometown.

Where will that be, you ask? Well, guvnah, I’m not going to tell you just yet. Though I’m sure you brilliant chaps will be able to figure it out.

Peace, love, and yarn, y’all! See you on the other side!

Sunday, August 2, 2015

All of the Feels

Feelings…..nothing more than feeeeeeelings……….feeelings of……. O.M.G!

One of the reasons I’ve been so silent here as of late is because life has been a huge roller coaster for me and my family for a long while. However, instead of having the uphill reprieves of a normal roller coaster, there were so many more scary, downhill, “OMG-I’M-GOING-TO-DIE!” moments in our lives.

I truly do try to find the funny in the not-so-funny parts of life. I think I have a good sense of humor and, truth be told, use humor as an escape from the not so humorous parts of life. As far as escapes go, using humor seems to be one of the healthier ways about it, don’t ya think? Of course you do. You’re not a heartless sociopath, right? Because, if you are, ummmm……………heeeeey there, you……..amazing person, you. *Don’tkillmeplease*  


I figure there’s a difference between being depressed and being depressing, ya know?

Well, things here have been rather depressing for us, to be honest. And, even though I’ve truly been craving social interactions with others to help keep my mind off of all the craziness that’s surrounded us, I have not been able to find words to convey the ugly without bringing the ugly to everyone else.

So. I have been trying really hard to focus on all of the good that’s been happening, in spite of all the bad. I am a natural optimist, after all, so putting on rose colored glasses usually isn’t that difficult for me.

Today is a case in point.

Today happens to be the 3rd anniversary of my dad’s death. (OH NO! Please stop crying!! It gets better- I promise!)

Today also happens to be the mrfmrfmrf anniversary of my birth. It’s something I’ve really not had any reason in which to find joy the past 3 years. (Dude. Please ignore the hundreds of tiny violins you hear right now. Unless they’re playing your favorite song, of course. In that case, enjoy the music in your head, you crazy person, you.)

I’ve been hiding my birthday from all of my online interactions for years. Paranoia runs deep in my family, young padawan. Don’t judge me. I’ll cut you.

I’ve mentioned my birthday was in August many times on this blog, but have not actually put my actual birth day because………stalkers. And Big Brother. DON’T LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!

But, this time, I decided to actually unmask my birthday from my FB friends because, well…..truth be told, I needed the love. I needed to know that folks knew who I was and actually cared about me and that today was special enough for them to connect with me…..even though I was too engulfed in my stress, anxiety, and fears to connect with them.

OH COME ON! Don’t pretend you don’t also love the attention you get on FB on your birthday! YOU TOTALLY DO!!!!

Well, not only was today filled with amazing love and gifts from My Mister and kids, I was also rewarded with lots of birthday wishes from friends and family that I haven’t heard from in a long time on FB, AND (!!!) I was also rewarded with an amazing birthday gift from an interaction on Twitter, as well.

You see, I was already feeling bummed since today reminds me how freaking old I truly am. And then, to pour salt in my aging wounds, as I was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with my kids, huge waves of nostalgia washed over me, once again reinforcing just how old I am.

If you don’t already know, the voices of Daisy Duck and Toodles also happen to be the very talented voice actors of just about every cartoon that makes up your and my childhood. For instance, they voiced Dot and Yakko Warner on Animaniacs, respectively. If you do not know what Animaniacs is, then…………OH DEAR GOD I’M OLD!

So, I happened to send out a tweet that said, “Hearing @yakkopinky and Tress MacNeille work together on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse just makes me miss Animaniacs. And then I feel old.”

Little did I know that Rob Paulsen, the voice of Yakko himself, also happens to be an all-around cool guy who just so happened to respond to me. Then I responded to him. And he responded to me………..again and again.

I’m not going to lie. IT WAS AWESOME.

It finally culminated in me tweeting, “(FYI: today’s my b-day….chatting with you has made it very memorable, to say the least."

And then……… guys!!!!!

He tweeted back this:


I KNOW, RIGHT?????!!!!??????

So, even though my birthday has sucked for a few years, this year, thanks to an amazing husband who knows just the right gifts to get me, a neurotic need for online relationships and appreciation, an aging sense of nostalgia, and an amazing person who also happens to be one of the most talented voice actors to ever grace our TV screens, today was a great day.

I’m feeling all of the feels, all of the love, and all of the pains associated with aging. Because, OhMylanta, people. I’m old.

And yet I’m also really happy.

Big hugs to all. Even the crazy ones.

( other news..........we're moving. AGAIN. In 2 weeks. But where? DUN DA DUNNNNN....... You'll just have to play, "Where in the World is Gege Sandiego" to know for sure! Because I'm old.)

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Third Time’s the Charm

I’ve often heard that good things come in threes. Or possibly it was that Hollywood deaths happen in threes. One or the other. The point is that THREE is an important number and has been since the beginning of time. The Trinity, for example. The Three Wise Men. The number of days Christ was in the tomb. The third eye. The number of times I woke up last night because my kids are teething or sick or possibly plain ol’ mean.

So I’m dealing with something for the third time in my life right now and am hoping that it, indeed, is the “charm.” And hopefully the last time.

OH DEAR GOD, NO- I am NOT pregnant again. Sheesh. Get out of my ovaries, people.

Although, I may actually prefer being pregnant again over what I’ve been dealing with the past few months. Especially since the outcome of pregnancy is pretty straightforward- an impossibly cute and tiny human being that captures my heart and then poops on me.

My current outcome? I’m not quite sure, honestly.

You see, I have just begun treatment- AGAIN- for Lyme disease. Now, if you’ve been following my blog for the last few posts (even though they’ve been faaaar and few between), you’ll notice that I JUST FINISHED being treated for Lyme earlier this year after some really scary neurological stuff started happening after we moved back from Australia. Actually, ever since we moved from Australia in October, our time can be succinctly described as: WHERE’S THE NEAREST HOSPITAL????

Seriously- we have all been run through the gamut of various doctors, hospitals, tests, scans, biopsies, and medications. I alone have had a CT scan, an MRI, multiple mammograms, a biopsy (dear Lord, “relief” doesn’t even begin to describe what you feel when you hear the word, “benign”), shingles, the flu, a couple UTIs and Lyme disease. TWICE.

All since October, people. Nine months. I could have my third adorable bundle of poop by now, which, thank the Lord, IS NOT HAPPENING.

Instead, I’m once again on antibiotics to treat an awful bacteria that wreaks havoc with just about everything in my body. I’m in pain all over (including my hands again, which, thankfully, I now know is not due to my dalliance with the knitting needles) and my muscles go through periods of deciding they don’t want to work anymore, just to name a few.

I’m pretty sure I got bit by another tick sometime in May because that’s when I got that red rash. Although, even though I’ve had Lyme twice before, I didn’t put 2 and 2 together until my body started crapping out on me again a few weeks ago. You see, I never got the rash before, so when I got it this time, I thought it was some weird bug bite (did not see a tick on me) and wondered why it took so freaking long for it to go away. And then, about 6 weeks later, my body decided to punish me for not realizing the danger from the get-go.

The good news is that I’ve been successfully treated twice before so, hopefully, I’ll have a similarly positive outcome this time around. The bad news is that Lyme, for whatever reason, is a hotly debated and politicized disease, especially the concept of “Chronic Lyme.” And that’s the part that scares me.

What if this third time truly is the charm and my prize is having a long term, debilitating disease that some in the medical community denies even exists? THAT’S SCARY, PEOPLE. And tragically sad. Especially for the many, many people who have to fight with this disease, and have fought with this disease, for years and yet are constantly told that it’s all in their heads.

I truly hope that I am not going to be one of those people because, holy moly guys. This sucks. Really, REALLY bad.

There’s more to our ongoing saga that is not Lyme related but yet is a HUGE thing….but more on that later. For now, if I could humbly ask for your prayers for me and my family because, dude. We could really use a break.

Also, if you have time, watch the documentary, “Under Our Skin,” which is really eye opening in regards to the complexities surrounding Lyme disease and its treatment….or lack thereof.

For now, peace out, homies. I will be writing again soon….promise.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Crop Dusting

“Today was so fun. And btw…old ladies should not be crop dusting.”

This was the text I received from my BFF Lyteyz this afternoon. While I knew that, yes, today was so fun, I really was at a loss as to what crop dusting old ladies had to do with it. Maybe it was a secret code we came up with today at lunch and I somehow had forgotten it? I was sorely tempted to respond, “Oh yes- and the crow flies at midnight!” showing her that I, too, could be cryptic with secret handshakes and stuff. But then I figured that midnight flying crows may be code for lady parts or something equally embarrassing we may have discussed while out in public today. I was wondering why those people kept looking at us funny. (Note to self: be conscious of volume level when discussing lady parts with Lyteyz.)

So I responded, “Today was very fun! Ummmm…..ok. I’ll take your word for it……” because today was VERY fun- we happened to go yarn shopping (!!)- and because I truly had no opinion on whether or not old ladies should crop dust. I mean, if they are still flying airplanes in their old age and haven’t died yet from all the chemicals they’re spreading over our food, then more power to them. I guess?

“Oh gosh. Was that you?!?!?!?!”

Ahhh….the penny dropped. It was an inside joke she had with another friend and thought it was with me. Silly Lyteyz. How do I gently let her know her memory is failing in her old age and that she had better not mix me up with another friend again because I’d cut her. Wait. Was she saying she was the old lady and was considering taking up crop dusting? Did I totally space out on our conversation today? Am I the old lady? I’ve never flown a plane before, though. Or had I and I forgot about that, too? Crap. I’m getting old.

“I may be old but I’ve never crop dusted before.” Was my diplomatic reply.

I was wracking my brains going over the events of today. A local LYS is moving to a new location so they are having an AMAZING sale clearing out the stock they will no longer carry at the new location. So, of course I and my enabler BFF had to go since there is still some yarn in this world that we do not own. Besides. There is still some room in my kids’ bedrooms for me to stuff some yarn. They’re still young and flexible- they can sleep in the bathtub.

We went around the store, sniffing, petting, and rubbing the yarn all over our faces while saying appropriate things like, “Baaaaby,” and, “Ooooooo….mama like.” Maybe it was here that Lyteyz had a conversation about crop dusting with some strange woman and just thought it was me since she was so very distracted by the woolly goodness all around. I can’t blame her. I was drooling with my tongue lolling out while in my happy place, too.

I remember I was snorting some wool and started smelling something…a little off...and thought that perhaps this yarn wasn’t as clean as some others. Was there still some manure stuck to it?

I looked up at Lyteyz and she was making a weird face and motioned me to come over so I tried coming down from my wool high and floated on the fumes towards her and was nearly knocked over by an old woman who looked like she was trying to escape the aisle Lyteyz was in. That’s when I noticed the fumes I was floating on started to really turn sour. What exactly was in this wool??

And then it hit me. Like a brick wall. It totally stopped me in my tracks, made my lungs stop working, my eyes started watering, and my hair started falling out. I’m pretty sure something died in someone’s colon and was trying to escape. I thought it might have been Lyteyz and she was calling me over as some cruel joke- a yarn store Dutch oven, as it were. Then I noticed that she wasn’t motioning me over, she was fanning her nose and trying to escape. I beat her to the punch and returned to my happy spot to shove a few skeins of yarn up my nostrils to save them from the Fart Wall of Death that had just ambushed me. OH DEAR GOD- I WANT TO LIVE!!!

“Um. What’s funny is just when I walked over there this old lady booked it across the room. You did smell that right? Cause I thought you made a face the same time I did.” She text back.

And that’s when the second penny dropped. CROP DUSTING. That old lady that almost knocked me down- SHE WAS THE CROP DUSTER!! And I was crop dusted!! I am torn between hoping she made it to the hospital before succumbing to whatever festering rot she had up her butt, or hoping she didn’t make it and suffered a slow, painful death for making my face turn inside out and skin to melt off.


Dude. Lyteyz is right. Old ladies should not be crop dusting. Especially not in a yarn store. THINK OF THE WOOL, LADIES!!