Tuesday, January 31, 2012

AND WHOOSH! A Month Disappears

So, wow. I can't believe how quickly January disappeared, taking me with it. I've had so many different blog posting ideas bouncing around in my brain but then, just like *that*, I'm thinking about cheese again. (I think I may die if I don't get a slice of pizza in the very near future.)

We have all been sick this past week which is never fun, but when it's your 6 month old's first cold of his life and he wakes you up at 2:30 in the morning with a croupy cough, it pretty much sucks monkey balls. Although, I was able to have an enlightening talk with my BFF Lyteyz and learned an important lesson in breastfeeding a sick child. Y'all can credit Lyteyz with coining the term "Booger Boobs." I've thankfully not had to experience that glorious benefit of breastfeeding since Little Mister only had a cough. I ended up with all the rest of the cold symptoms so I pretty much feel like death right now. And since it's summertime in the Land of Oz, I don't know if I have a fever or if my head is hot simply because, based on the temperatures, this is the land Down Under Hell. It's been over 100 degrees for most of the past 2 months and I have discovered something very important about myself- I DO NOT like the hot. DO NOT.  It is a "dry heat" and so instead of being drenched in my sweat, it dries very quickly leaving me salty and smelling like the wrong end of a dingo.  DO NOT LIKE THE HOT.

Luckily things will start to cool down in about a month or so, so I'll hopefully finally be able to step outdoors and go on walks with Little Mister again. (Actually, just checked the weather and it looks like the next two days are going to be only in the low 90's which means we may be able to go for a walk in the morning! YAY!)

I've been on a crochet binge as I'm working on my "Secret Project" and I hope to have it finished by the end of next week since we're going to go on a mini holiday (Ha! I'm so Aussie now!) at the end of the month. We're going to visit Brisbane and the Gold Coast and I'm sooooo excited about it! I've already staked out some yarn stores I want to check out and hope to find some yummy Australian wool which would be great!

For now, I am working with the Lion Fisherman's Wool and I must say I'm loving it. It's my first wool project that isn't supposed to be felted, so of course I'm worried sick I'm going to accidentally felt it before sending it off and then I'll not be published and then my life will be ruined. (Whaaat? Melodramatic?? Moi?!?)

Anywho...I had more to say but now I can't remeber because there was a commercial for cheddar. So. You know.

Ok, y'all. I hope your 2012 is going well so far!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sleep is a Battlefield

With all due respects to Pat Benatar, I'd like to propose that love is merely a Plain of Contention and that sleeping with an infant is the true battlefield. 
Last night was the first night in I can’t remember how long that Little Mister actually slept 5 hours in a row. From around 7pm to 12am, with fidgeting only once at 10 where we had to turn on his mobile in his crib thus knocking him back out again, he was asleep. Blissful sleep. This was great for us since we have started going to bed earlier, especially since Big Mister had to go to work the next morning, so we were able to take advantage of those extended hours of sleep, right?

You are so wrong! Ha! Had you going there for a moment! Suckers!

Yeah- I ended up having insomnia for the first half of the night. I *never* have insomnia. If anything, I’m more of a Super Narcoleptic- able to fall asleep in a single bound. But, last night, for whatever reason, me no sleepy. Argh.

So, I was basically a zombie all day today. So glad I could keep the status quo. I guess the upshot of the day is that I learned two very valuable lessons. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about them, though.

Lesson One: Time to Wake Up!

I was finally able to fall asleep during Little Mister’s morning nap after earnestly praying that he would not only fall asleep, but stay asleep for a few hours- preferably all day if possible. Unfortunately, after just one measly hour of slumber, the time came. The time when Little Mister decided, “YAY! Its morning time! Wakey, wakey birthday cakey!” and then immediately put “Operation Wake Mommy Up” into effect.

He started with ever so gently petting my face which quickly escalated to punching me in my eye. Hey- I can’t blame him. He’s still developing his gross motor skills and I’m sure he meant to gently pet me once again, but his arm was behind his back and all he could do was roll over so that the momentum would carry his chubby arm over his body where it would hopefully make contact with my cheek but instead resulted in giving me a mild concussion. When that didn’t work, he simply went old school and pulled my hair. I debated filing for elder abuse but decided to keep sleeping instead. I mean, it was just a mild concussion. No big whoop. It's amazing how much I can ignore to win the sleep battle. And then, he did it. He pulled out the big guns- the one thing he knows- KNOWS- will wake mommy up. Oh yes- it was all systems go! *aOOOOga! aOOOOga!* Commence the Bubbly Farts!!

Dagnabbit. Sly little sucker. He wins.

Lesson Two: Time to Go to Sleep!

Later in the morning, my sister and I (and her roommate, our good friend) were able to Skype, for which I’m ever so thankful since I now have tangible proof that I have a case for elder abuse. You see, Little Mister was behaving pretty well for his auntie….until it was nap time.

Oh the humanity!

I could see the little wheels in his brain turning as he thought, “Hmmm….” *strokes chin* “If beating up mom works to wake her up, it might work to get her off the phone and feed me so that I can get my beauty rest.” And then he put his fingers together and said, “Exxxxcelllent.”

And then he pummeled me.

So, I got off the phone with my sister and fed him.

DANGIT! He wins again!

Don’t believe me? I HAVE PROOF!!!

Behold: A screenshot from my sister’s phone!

Feed me, Monkey! And charge your phone, Auntie!

I think those rings gave him super power or something. I'll know for sure once my jaw is no longer wired shut.

So, I learned that when it's time to wake up, he beats me and when it's time to go to sleep, he beats me. Hmmm....not too sure I'm liking this development.

Ok. It's time for me to put on my armor. It's bedtime. You and me, Little Mister. It's on like Donkey Kong.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Wow. 2011 sure was a doozy of a year for me- so many new changes occurred leaving me in a whirlwind of emotions, gas, and really, really intense dark under eye circles. I cut my hair, for one. I gained and lost 40 pounds for another. Diet book coming out soon: How to Lose 30 Pounds in Two Weeks- Pop Out A Kid, Breastfeed Around the Clock, and Then Pee Like a Racehorse.

Darn. I gave away my book secrets. That’ll be $29.99, y’all.

What else…what else…? Oh yeah- that whole popping out a kid thing and then moving to the other side of the world thing. All within two months of each other. Like I said- whirlwind.

I’m eagerly looking forward to 2012 and am hopeful that, now that the large stressors are out of the way, this year will be filled with laughter and coos, cuddles, first words, more cuddles, and hopefully substantially less gas.

I don’t usually like making New Year’s Resolutions since, like I said last year, what’s the point of starting out a New Year with a list that will highlight and predict all of your future failures? However, this year I decided to stack the deck in my favor by listing things that I’m reasonably sure I’ll be able to accomplish. And if I don’t, well…. at least I got a lot of practice crying uncontrollably this past year.

So- here we go!
  • I resolve to brush my hair at least twice a day instead of haphazardly throwing it in a ponytail to help control the insane amount of hair that has been falling out of my head. It’s very disconcerting finding my hair all over the house, especially when I find it in places that make me take a moment and think, “WTHairbrush?” Let’s just say that finding hairs in your baby’s diaper definitely makes you pause and say, “Whuuuuuut?”
  • I resolve to drink at least 80 ounces of non-caffeinated beverages a day to help facilitate my digestion because I am sooo tired of being referred to as “MILF”. (Wait- that stands for Mom Is Loudly Farting, right?)
  • I resolve to crochet like the wind these next two months because the yarn FINALLY arrived for my secret project- the one that is going to be published in an upcoming book. (!!!) And thankfully it’s not cotton!! WOOT! It’s actually Lion Brand Fishermen’s Wool- a fiber I’ve wanted to work with for a very long time, so I am really stoked about this!
  • I resolve to keep my secret project away from the washing machine no matter how difficult it may be or how many straitjackets it may require. This one is a doozy because, even though I’m working with wool, my secret project is NOT felted. WHAT THE WHAT?? I KNOW!!
  • I resolve to clean my kitchen every night before going to bed because there are some crazy huge cockroaches around here and, even though the exterminator just sprayed down my house, I know those sadistic cat-eating creatures are just biding their time until they can charge my home and scare the crap out of me again. Yep. I’m going to clean my kitchen every night this year. No exceptions.
  • I resolve to not cry too uncontrollably knowing I’m in bed right now and have already failed at one of my resolutions. Thank God for bug spray.
I hope you all have a very wonderful New Year filled with love, laughter, good food, and even better friends! Here’s to a fantastic 2012!