Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sleep is a Battlefield

With all due respects to Pat Benatar, I'd like to propose that love is merely a Plain of Contention and that sleeping with an infant is the true battlefield. 
Last night was the first night in I can’t remember how long that Little Mister actually slept 5 hours in a row. From around 7pm to 12am, with fidgeting only once at 10 where we had to turn on his mobile in his crib thus knocking him back out again, he was asleep. Blissful sleep. This was great for us since we have started going to bed earlier, especially since Big Mister had to go to work the next morning, so we were able to take advantage of those extended hours of sleep, right?

You are so wrong! Ha! Had you going there for a moment! Suckers!

Yeah- I ended up having insomnia for the first half of the night. I *never* have insomnia. If anything, I’m more of a Super Narcoleptic- able to fall asleep in a single bound. But, last night, for whatever reason, me no sleepy. Argh.

So, I was basically a zombie all day today. So glad I could keep the status quo. I guess the upshot of the day is that I learned two very valuable lessons. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about them, though.

Lesson One: Time to Wake Up!

I was finally able to fall asleep during Little Mister’s morning nap after earnestly praying that he would not only fall asleep, but stay asleep for a few hours- preferably all day if possible. Unfortunately, after just one measly hour of slumber, the time came. The time when Little Mister decided, “YAY! Its morning time! Wakey, wakey birthday cakey!” and then immediately put “Operation Wake Mommy Up” into effect.

He started with ever so gently petting my face which quickly escalated to punching me in my eye. Hey- I can’t blame him. He’s still developing his gross motor skills and I’m sure he meant to gently pet me once again, but his arm was behind his back and all he could do was roll over so that the momentum would carry his chubby arm over his body where it would hopefully make contact with my cheek but instead resulted in giving me a mild concussion. When that didn’t work, he simply went old school and pulled my hair. I debated filing for elder abuse but decided to keep sleeping instead. I mean, it was just a mild concussion. No big whoop. It's amazing how much I can ignore to win the sleep battle. And then, he did it. He pulled out the big guns- the one thing he knows- KNOWS- will wake mommy up. Oh yes- it was all systems go! *aOOOOga! aOOOOga!* Commence the Bubbly Farts!!

Dagnabbit. Sly little sucker. He wins.

Lesson Two: Time to Go to Sleep!

Later in the morning, my sister and I (and her roommate, our good friend) were able to Skype, for which I’m ever so thankful since I now have tangible proof that I have a case for elder abuse. You see, Little Mister was behaving pretty well for his auntie….until it was nap time.

Oh the humanity!

I could see the little wheels in his brain turning as he thought, “Hmmm….” *strokes chin* “If beating up mom works to wake her up, it might work to get her off the phone and feed me so that I can get my beauty rest.” And then he put his fingers together and said, “Exxxxcelllent.”

And then he pummeled me.

So, I got off the phone with my sister and fed him.

DANGIT! He wins again!

Don’t believe me? I HAVE PROOF!!!

Behold: A screenshot from my sister’s phone!

Feed me, Monkey! And charge your phone, Auntie!

I think those rings gave him super power or something. I'll know for sure once my jaw is no longer wired shut.

So, I learned that when it's time to wake up, he beats me and when it's time to go to sleep, he beats me. Hmmm....not too sure I'm liking this development.

Ok. It's time for me to put on my armor. It's bedtime. You and me, Little Mister. It's on like Donkey Kong.


  1. Wow! Keep that picture for the trial!


  2. haha OMG. too cute. I remember those days. Both of mine were like that. Although the oldest was worse. I don't know if its bc my daughter (youngest) is a little princess (and she's not afraid to let you know) or if it's just bc I already had enough practice with her older brother. One thing I learned from all of it tho....... I have very strong bones, and baby's skulls are tougher then you think when they are head-butting you. lol
    ps he is so adorable.