Wow. 2011 sure was a doozy of a year for me- so many new changes occurred leaving me in a whirlwind of emotions, gas, and really, really intense dark under eye circles. I cut my hair, for one. I gained and lost 40 pounds for another. Diet book coming out soon: How to Lose 30 Pounds in Two Weeks- Pop Out A Kid, Breastfeed Around the Clock, and Then Pee Like a Racehorse.
Darn. I gave away my book secrets. That’ll be $29.99, y’all.
What else…what else…? Oh yeah- that whole popping out a kid thing and then moving to the other side of the world thing. All within two months of each other. Like I said- whirlwind.
I’m eagerly looking forward to 2012 and am hopeful that, now that the large stressors are out of the way, this year will be filled with laughter and coos, cuddles, first words, more cuddles, and hopefully substantially less gas.
I don’t usually like making New Year’s Resolutions since, like I said last year, what’s the point of starting out a New Year with a list that will highlight and predict all of your future failures? However, this year I decided to stack the deck in my favor by listing things that I’m reasonably sure I’ll be able to accomplish. And if I don’t, well…. at least I got a lot of practice crying uncontrollably this past year.
So- here we go!
- I resolve to brush my hair at least twice a day instead of haphazardly throwing it in a ponytail to help control the insane amount of hair that has been falling out of my head. It’s very disconcerting finding my hair all over the house, especially when I find it in places that make me take a moment and think, “WTHairbrush?” Let’s just say that finding hairs in your baby’s diaper definitely makes you pause and say, “Whuuuuuut?”
- I resolve to drink at least 80 ounces of non-caffeinated beverages a day to help facilitate my digestion because I am sooo tired of being referred to as “MILF”. (Wait- that stands for Mom Is Loudly Farting, right?)
- I resolve to crochet like the wind these next two months because the yarn FINALLY arrived for my secret project- the one that is going to be published in an upcoming book. (!!!) And thankfully it’s not cotton!! WOOT! It’s actually Lion Brand Fishermen’s Wool- a fiber I’ve wanted to work with for a very long time, so I am really stoked about this!
- I resolve to keep my secret project away from the washing machine no matter how difficult it may be or how many straitjackets it may require. This one is a doozy because, even though I’m working with wool, my secret project is NOT felted. WHAT THE WHAT?? I KNOW!!
- I resolve to clean my kitchen every night before going to bed because there are some crazy huge cockroaches around here and, even though the exterminator just sprayed down my house, I know those sadistic cat-eating creatures are just biding their time until they can charge my home and scare the crap out of me again. Yep. I’m going to clean my kitchen every night this year. No exceptions.
- I resolve to not cry too uncontrollably knowing I’m in bed right now and have already failed at one of my resolutions. Thank God for bug spray.