On The Move Again

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was a time of insane stress, and a time of unbridled excitement. Moving day is always like that- a mixture of OMG! We're moving again! and, OMGWE'REMOVINGAGAIN!!! 

We are currently in yet another hotel room, awaiting our flight tomorrow to take us to another land where we’ll have another house, have to look for another car, hopefully meet new friends (wanna be my friend?? There may be yarn in it for you...), and pray our stuff doesn’t take another freakin’ 4 months to come back to us. 

It’s almost exactly 4 years since our last big move from the States. Moving is never easy, but I must admit, compared to 4 years ago, this has been a walk in the park.

Back then, we had a 2 month old newborn, I was having horrendous postpartum depression and anxiety and was *thiiiiiiiiiiis* close to a total meltdown. I was so afraid my precious little baby was going throw me a curve ball and, instead of just eat, sleep, and poop like he normally did, he'd....I don't know....poop, eat, and then sleep? Or something similarly crazy like that.

I was terrified of breastfeeding on the plane and then having a huge diaper blowout to contend with, as well as a potential screaming baby for all to enjoy. I was terrified of everything, really. Man. I was a mess.

Now, even though we have 2 small children this time around, we thankfully don’t have a newborn anymore. I am not dealing with postpartum hormones (THANK YOU, JESUS!) and I don’t worry about what goes in or out of their mouths or butts anymore. Just a little duct tape for their mouths and a cork for their butts and BOOM. We have this travel thing down.

Even though this has been an easier move, comparatively, it has not been an easy move by any means. This last bout of Lyme has seriously kicked my butt, making me all but useless many days. Perrrrrfect timing for when I need to be on my game for such a stressful time, let me tell ya.

However, today has been a good day. A calm day. We have finished most of the large items on our list and have a good plan in place for the other things we need to do tomorrow before we leave. Everyone is sleeping right now, including My Mister. It’s a well-deserved rest for him and I just hope these next couple of days will go smoothly so we’ll all be relaxed and have an easy transition to our new abode.

One of the large items on my list included an activity with my BFF Lyteyz. You see, after hearing about all the fun I’ve had yarnbombing with my Aussie friends, she really wanted to get in on the action before we moved. However, since it would just be the two of us, we had to choose a small target so we could complete it in time, as well as minimize our chances of getting chased by the PoPo. Dude. I don’t need any more stress. Or arrest warrants. I’m hardcore, yo.

So we decided to yarnbomb my sister’s Jeep.

It was brilliant, really. She was on a mission trip to Haiti, so we were able to get the measurements without her knowing. Lyteyz worked on many of the squares right away while I went nuts trying to get ready for a move. She was afraid that I wasn’t up for it anymore since our move date was getting closer and closer and I hadn’t worked on it at all. However, she totally underestimated my ability to crochet like a madwoman when jacked on adrenaline, stress, and a mountain of mind altering drugs. (Don't you dare take away my caffeine- I will cut you.)

I had the perfect design for her- something I designed years ago, though for a different purpose. I had to polish up my rusty algebra skills to get it to work just right and am pleased to report that I am still able to solve for “x.” Yes. I know. I am all that and a bag of Cheetos.

Lyteyz was leaving early Saturday morning on vacation (which means she won’t be able to see us off tomorrow- *sniff*), so we stayed up Friday night til 1am crocheting and sewing and yet, alas, we still were not able to finish everything to pull it off that night. BOOOOOOOOOO!

So, even though it was her first yarnbombing, my dear Lyteyz was unable to participate in the actual “bombing” part. However, since it only took a couple minutes to put up, she really didn’t miss anything. Well, actually, I could have used her help during the knife fight and subsequent tazing, but otherwise, she didn’t miss anything.

So, on the eve of the eve of my last day here, I put up my latest yarnbombing. 

It's Mrs. Skullhead Bony Hands!

My sister loved it and both Lyteyz and I are happy to know our hard work will be appreciated and will last for a long time, instead of being torn down and tossed away like last time. (Oh wow- seriously forgot that I never blogged about the last time!)

It felt good to get my creative and designing juices flowing again. Now I just need to wait for all my yarn to make it back safely to my hoarding arms so that I can once again unleash bombs of yarny goodness all over my future hometown.

Where will that be, you ask? Well, guvnah, I’m not going to tell you just yet. Though I’m sure you brilliant chaps will be able to figure it out.

Peace, love, and yarn, y’all! See you on the other side!

When a (Yarn) Bomb is a Complete Dud

I don’t think anything will top the euphoric feeling I had the night my Hookers and I yarnbombed for the first time. It truly was amazing. However, the second time we attacked our town resulted in us putting the “art” in “street art,” if I do say so myself. We were (are) ever so proud of the work we did for our second outing and were really looking forward to all of the excitement and accolades this one would bring (hey- praise is addictive!).  And yet, unfortunately, we were left with a big ol’ “Wah waaaaaaaaaaah!” at the end of it all.

To be honest, that part quite sucked.

You see, after our triumphant Christmas bombing, we put the word out asking for ideas for our next venture. Mr. Mayor actually suggested doing something for Australia Day, which is a lot like our Independence Day….just without the independence. (OOOOOOOOOO BURN!!!!)

We thought that would be an exciting thing to do and, since we were so hopped up on the kudos and accolades and oooohs and aaaaaahs of our first venture, we thought that Australia Day would be a suitable, honorific occasion to showcase our amazing talents.

And then the Aussie members of our group kind of dampened our spirits when they informed us that Australia Day is January 26. Just as a refresher, Christmas is December 25. That meant we had just over a month to pull off another momentous, artistic, magnificent work of amazement.

No worries, mate. We laughed in the face of that small amount of time. Heck. We farted in its general direction. WE ARE THE AMAZING HOOKERS! WE WILL DO IT AND ASTOUND YOU!

So, we started thinking. And thinking. And fretting. And doubting ourselves. And thinking maybe there is something to that whole “pride comes before a fall” thing.

And then....... I got it!!! We should celebrate Australia with something that is uniquely Australian. A dot painting. Correction: a CROCHET dot painting.

I did a lot of measuring and calculating and figuring and then I presented my idea to the gals and they unanimously agreed with it. We just had to get started like RIGHT NOW in order to pull it off, so off we went, again.

Whereas the first time we had a lot of fun getting together and crocheting various pieces together, this time we had an actual goal to attain and a time-frame in which to do it. While we still had fun, the prospect of not meeting our deadline was just a wee bit stressful. And, since I am not the only perfectionist in our little group (ahem, ladies….you know who you are), there was even some talk of perhaps getting it ready for Anzac Day, another momentous Australian holiday…..which is in April.

But, no. The perfectionists (and masochists) in us took over. We soldiered on. We crocheted a hundred million dots. I set them out and rearranged them and sent the gals photos of the final layout. Then I rearranged them again and sent them another picture of THE FINAL layout. Then I rearranged them again. Then they came and put me in a strait jacket and forbade me from touching anymore dots because I was getting just a little bit obsessive ridiculous.

Once the layout was finally, finally finalized, we sewed (by hand!) all those dots on the background. We then cursed sewing anything by hand and vowed to never do it again.

And then, just under 6 weeks after we agreed to develop carpal tunnel amaze our town once more, we were done.

EXCEPT. One small detail.

You see, the first time around we were pretty darn smart about it. We chose a location and then crocheted things to fit our target. It was a pretty good plan, actually. Pick something. Measure it. Crochet things that fit that measurement so that it would be easy to put it all together in a short amount of time so that we could then book it to our getaway car.

This time around, we were more “prideful” than we were “smart.” We chose an amazing project, but unfortunately had no location in which to display our project. So we brainstormed. And thought. And argued. And thought some more. You see, due to the nature of our “yarn bombing,” we wanted a more secure location for it. A place where it would be protected from the elements….and from those nasty, no-good, crochet-stealing thieves out there. I hear they run rampant here in the Outback. Just looking for some yarny goodness to swipe to give to their dingo-eating babies. (Wait a second…..)

We finally requested permission from one of the local malls to use one of their empty storefronts as a display for our Pièce de résistance. They acquiesced and we “sneakily” set up our “yarnbombing” around 9am when the stores opened, right before Australia day.

And then we waited.

We waited for the accolades to come in. Waited for the word to spread on social media. Waited for our GENIUS to be discovered and appreciated and shouted about from the rooftops.

And we waited.

AND NOTHING.

I basically ended up tweeting out there, “Hey….did anybody see our wonderful piece of art/yarnbombing? Because it truly is amazing and you should be stroking our egos right about now” only to be told that people looked and couldn’t find it.

I finally know what, “taking the wind out of the sails,” looks like in a group of women. It is not pretty.

Turns out that, though our work was protected from the elements and from dingo-eating thieves, it was also protected from EVERYTHING. Including people’s eyes. The one thing we were hoping to attract. We may have flattered ourselves in thinking that, perhaps, it may have looked like an official Australia Day decoration in the mall store front, so nobody really took notice, but, well….the fact remains that our yarnbombing was much more of a dud.

*HUGH SIGH*

SO.

This time we learned from our mistake and have chosen a location first, and then a project second…..

And it is coming……. 

Photo courtesy of the amazingly awesome Sarena Kelley

There are a total of 705 crochet dots in 25 different colours crocheted by seven different women and hand sewn onto this gigantic Australia, which is set adrift upon a blue crochet ripple ocean. 

PS: I crocheted the ripple background. It's about 7' square.  THIS IS FREAKIN' HUGE. And, regardless of the accolades (or lack thereof) we received, IT IS AWESOME.

My name is Gege, and I am a Hooker

Why, hello again! I know- I can’t believe it, either. Two posts in two consecutive days?? Craziness!

Well, like I said yesterday, I truly have been doing a whole lot better as of late and, as I mentioned before, my new crochet group, and specifically this event recorded here, has so much to do with it.*

You see, my crochet group isn’t just any ordinary crochet group. Yes, we crochet. Yes, we eat. Yes, we laugh and eat have a good time and eat. BUT! We are SO MUCH MORE!

You see, as of this moment, we have existed only in the whispers and the shadows of our little town. In the dark recesses and bowels of my living room have we conspired and devised to create such bright and beautiful stuff out of a whole lot of fluffy, yummy yarn. But still….dark….shadows…….mystery….oooooEEEEEoooooo!

It all started sometime last year- maybe around August or so. A lady had offered to donate her yarn stash that she was no longer going to use. (She was going to focus on other artistic endeavors and not her knitting or crochet anymore. I think, due to her obvious insanity, she is now in treatment at the local asylum.) I, being the yarn hog that I am, jumped at the opportunity to get my hands on more (FREE!) yarn. Her only request was that, whoever received it must make something with it to donate for the greater good of our town.

Well. The truth of the matter was that I not only intended to do something for the greater good for our town, but I also had no intention of keeping her stash for myself. (!!!)

I’ll wait until you’ve picked your jaw up off the floor and have composed yourself again….

Ahem.

You see, I have wanted, nay- DREAMED, of doing something a little bit crazy with my own yarn stash, but truly was having separation anxiety and panic attacks just thinking of letting even a little bit out of their air-tight containers because IT’S MINE! ALL MINE, I TELL YOU!!!

So, when this very generous lady offered up her stash, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it.

I wanted to yarn bomb.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with yarn bombing, it’s basically graffiti made with yarn. It’s a way of creating street art without destroying property. It also takes a lot of covert planning, a lot of time, and a LOT of yarn.

Thankfully, this lady’s “couple of bags of yarn” turned out to be a whole living room-full of yarn.

There are two more boxes full not in the picture. (!!!)

I put the word out to fellow crocheters who may be interested and was pleasantly surprised that there were quite a few who wanted to join me in my nefarious yarn dealings. So, we got together and started scouting various spots in town to find just the right spot. I’m sure we looked oh so nonchalant with our measuring tapes and cameras as we continually looked over our shoulders to see if anyone was alerting the police.

Then we started planning, and stitching, and sewing, and getting more and more excited. We planned on attacking our target right before Christmas, so most of the things we made had something to do with Christmas- colors, snowflakes (because Australia is known for having a white Christmas), Santa Claus, mad dashes to the mall to be trampled while trying to get your hands on that one special “IT TOY” of the season, etc.

When we had everything stitched up and assembled, we then had to plan our attack carefully. You see, we didn’t know whether or not we’d get in trouble for this if we were to get caught. It is, after all, graffiti. Yes, it’s graffiti that can be easily removed without damaging any public property, but still, we were frightened out of our minds. This, of course, made it that much more exciting and interesting and, well, FUN. So, I, being the mastermind behind it all, decided to buy the four of us who volunteered to….display our work….some masks and hats so that if they checked the CCTV, our beautiful mugs wouldn’t be recognizable.

A beautiful mug

(Although, I did put on a full face of makeup just in case we were arrested. I wanted to ensure I looked really dang good for my first mugshot.) 

A beautiful mugshot

Then we snuck out of our houses under the cover of darkness, and without any support from our spouses. None of our husbands wanted to have anything to do with it- they didn’t want to be accessories to the crime nor be caught as the getaway drivers. Wussies. (Though one of them did offer to alert the others if we needed bail. How thoughtful!)

We parked as far away as we felt we safely could- far away enough to not link our (my) car with the “crime,” yet close enough that, if we had to outrun the PoPo, we had a fighting chance to reach it in time. (In reality, we just had to outrun our pregnant partner in crime. I’m sure they would have taken it easy on her.) And then, we were off. Four women in shiny masks and Christmas hats, carrying bags filled with obviously nefarious goods, trying to be all sneaky by dodging behind walls and humming the Bond theme song….oh yeah. We had this “criminal” thing down.

We got to our destination and quickly started our attack. We came armed with plastic zip ties so we wouldn’t have to waste time sewing, crocheting or stapling our works together (though we did have to sew just a bit....see that fearless masked woman below. She's amazing). We worked furiously fast so we could escape (hopefully) without notice and we had a strict, “NO EYE CONTACT!” policy just in case anyone happened to walk by us. 

YIPPE YI YO KI YAY, MO......oh wait....wrong movie

Our hearts were in our throats and then we nearly died when we saw a security car with two big, burly Aussie men pull up beside us. I’m not sure if it was the sight of us in our disguises or the fact that we had hooks and scissors and probably were just crazy enough to JACK THEM UP! But they smiled, waved and drove off.

Yeah. That’s right, big guys. DON’T BE MESSING WITH THE YARNIES!

And then, before we knew it, we were done.

Whew! So glad I left my rollerblades at home. We're in the clear.

 

HO HO HO- get it? Because of Christmas...and HOOKERS. GET IT???

We were so freaking exhilarated and high on adrenaline and proud that we scared off the security henchmen that we were literally skipping back to our getaway vehicle.

WHO WAS THAT MASKED WOMAN??

It truly, with no exaggeration, was the BEST NIGHT EVER! I had not had so much fun in ages! It was that night specifically that signaled to me that I was, honest and for reals, finally whole again. It was everything- the planning and coordinating of the project, the conspiracy with other like-minded people, the insane thrills of wondering if we would get arrested and, if we did, the absurdity of telling people why we got arrested….and the only thing that made it better was the aftermath.

You see, our little town tends to be a quiet little town with not too much excitement going on- especially during the summer months when it’s hotter than hades out here and most people migrate to cooler locations during this time- places like the Sahara or Death Valley. So, the next morning when people started going to work and came across our little Christmas decoration, news spread quickly. As a matter of fact, it was THE news for the next couple of days where even the local ABC radio station spent the morning trying to figure out who the heck was responsible for it. They had people calling in from all over Australia (for reals!) saying that they knew someone artsy/fartsy enough to be responsible for it. IT WAS AWESOME! We decided to create a twitter handle so we could live tweet the show and start answering some questions and let them know who we were….without letting them know who we were.

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!

Our project brought some wonderful Christmas cheer to our little town and even the mayor was excited about it and wondered who these “Hookers” were. Once we knew we had an ally in the mayor, we knew we didn’t have to fear imprisonment the next time we decided to strike. (And there was a next time…..)

It was due to all the secrecy that I had not blogged about this before- I so wanted to yell it from the rooftops, but the secrecy was a big part of the fun!**

So, there you have it. A true, dark and mysterious tale filled with yarny goodness that resulted in Christmas cheer, and thankfully no arrests. And so, yes, Mr. Mayor. Alice1 has finally been unmasked. We have another hit planned shortly.....you have been warned.....

*The other part was that I sought treatment for my PPD and have, thankfully, come out the other side. I truly am, finally, MO BETTAH than I’ve been in years.

**I’ll let you know why I’m breaking my silence, while still keeping my co-conspirators anonymity, shortly…..