Thursday, August 16, 2012

Whisper a Prayer

When I was 9, I was the female lead in my first play- it was THE play- the one that infected me with the acting bug. It was the Christmas play at our church and it was a pretty big deal. I was so excited, I memorized the entire play, not just my lines. I loved all the songs and tried my hardest to get the moves right for the dance numbers, but as my old VHS copy of the play proves, I am the only 9 year old who looks like she’s having a seizure while moving her arms in a circle along to a strange beat that no one else can hear.

Since I was the female lead, I had the high honor of having a musical solo towards the end of the play. The song was called, “Whisper a Prayer,” and it was about how close baby Jesus was to us- the three friends who were looking for the King- so close that we could have whispered a prayer and he’d have heard it.

Whisper a prayer, Jesus is there. He’s just a whisper away….

Now that I’m an adult, I have found a different truth to that song. Right now, I’m not in first century Bethlehem where I could be right around the corner from baby Jesus where he’d be so close to me that I could whisper a prayer and he could hear me. Right now, I’m an adult and am going through a rough patch in life and sometimes I’m not strong enough to verbalize my prayer. Sometimes all I can do is whisper my prayer through the tears and find comfort that He is still close enough to hear me.

I was going to tell y’all about my trip to Melbourne and the Australian Sheep and Wool Festival, but that’s a story for another time. This story starts on the morning of my birthday, which in Australia is always a day ahead of my US birthday.

I was startled awake with urgent texts and skype calls from my sister. At first I thought she was just really excited to remember my birthday was “today” rather than “tomorrow” her time. However, a happy birthday was not on the docket for me this year.

My dad was rushed to the hospital and was currently unconscious after telling my brother he “wasn’t feeling well” just a few hours earlier. I thought, “Oh dad. You’ll be ok. You’ve pulled through lots of things before and this will be no different.”

The news from my brother kept coming back, more and more negative. If he did wake up, he’d most likely lose the ability to move. He might be a vegetable. He wasn’t responding to treatments. He wasn’t going to make it past the next 24 hours.

Then, the news that no one is ever truly prepared for: He’s gone.

It happened so quickly and unexpectedly. My big strong daddy- the man who taught me to play basketball and how to drywall a house ,the man who promised to protect me if anyone ever tried to do anything to me, the man who couldn’t wait to get a tattoo of his first grandson’s name on the empty space on his arm- was gone.

It was 5 hours from the time I woke up to the time I was at the airport boarding the plane to New Mexico with Little Mister. It was another 2 days before I made it home. Travel from Australia is difficult, to say the least.

It’s been a whirlwind ever since. I volunteered to write his eulogy which was one of the most emotionally difficult things I’ve ever had to write. My dad loved to laugh so I had to include his humor in there, but the fact remains that I had to write about my dad in the past tense. How can this be?

It’s now been a week since his funeral and Little Mister and I are still Stateside so that I can hopefully get the ball rolling to ensure my grandmother is taken care of. She’s 92 and has survived all five of her sons. My daddy was the baby of the family. She’s not doing well and I’m sad to know she most likely won’t be around much longer, especially since I don’t think I’ll be able to make the trip back here when the time comes.

So, I’ve been whispering prayers. Whispering for strength through the travels alone with my now one year old son. Whispering for the words to pay homage to my dad when wrapping up a whole life in five minutes is next to impossible. Whispering for the wisdom to choose the right caretakers for my grandmother. Whispering for guidance in my now fatherless future.

Guys, I could really use some extra prayers to bolster my whispers. Especially in light of the long journey back home to Australia at the end of this week. I so wish my Mister could have come with us and I can’t wait to get back to him. I so wish that many things could be different right now.

I so wish my daddy was still here. I really miss him.

20 comments:

  1. I'm praying for you Geraldine. I'm truly sorry for you loss. This happened to a friend of mine and my hubby's last year. {{HUGS}}

    Fawn

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  2. ohhhh, so many prayers are coming your way!!!! Prayers and warm thoughts of peace for you and your family!

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  3. I'm so sorry for your loss, my condolences to your and family. You are in my thoughts.

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  4. We are shouting your prayers here...I cried for you when I read this, I hope that you can soon find peace. We love you, and are here if you need an ear.

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  5. Big hugs from kuddles.....I also cried reading your post. I am sending up a huge prayer right now for you.

    kuddles

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  6. Oh, GeGe. I'm so sorry to hear of this news. Keep whispering your prayers and have confidence that they ARE being heard. And have faith that God hears every groan and every sigh, even when we can't find the strength to utter words. I'm praying for strength, and peace, and comfort for you and your entire family.

    XOXO,
    Libby

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  7. Just want you to know that we are holding you and yours in our hearts and sending you lots of love. I know about losing a parent waaaay too soon and how unfair it feels.

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  8. You don't know me but I love reading your blog. I found it one day when I came across your beautiful mario bros. blanket. I always look forward to your amusing stories about your son, love of yarn, your adjustment to your new life in Australia, etc. I was excited to see you had written and was anticipating a good laugh. Although I never expected to read about your loss, you seem to still have your sense of humor. Never let go of that. I assume it was a gift passed down from your father. My prayers go out to you and your family. Life goes on and you will get through this. Continue to honor your father by being the wonderful daughter he raised. You seem like a genuinely nice person to me. Sally

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  9. Sending love and light to you and your family.

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  10. Breathe in; breathe out. Repeat.
    Look out the window; see something beautiful. Be thankful. Repeat.
    There is a lot of love for you here in Alice and distance means nothing to love.
    Your dad is only as far away as God and you know God is right there inside you.

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  11. Dear, dear, Gege...so sorry that your daddy has gone. I lost my daddy over 8 years ago and there hasn't been a day that I haven't thought or talked to him a couple times a day. Before he went to the hospital for the last time, he told me that he would always be watching out for me, that I should always do the best I could even if all I could do at the time was just a little. A couple weeks ago, I had an unexpected surgery and while I was going in and going out of anesthesia I got to see my daddy. He told me everything was ok and that he was there watching out for me. So along with all your whispered prayers for strength, I know that your daddy is there whispering and holding you tight. Much love and blessings. You bring joy to all of us who visit here and look for you everyday, hoping that all is well with you. Blessings and Peace!

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  12. Hey there dont feel bad I lost my father when I was 11 I miss him more then anything. I'll prey for you dear.

    ~tita

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  13. Oh gosh, I am so sorry for your loss, sweetie. I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers.

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  14. oh no!

    thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. losing a parent is tough, especially when you don't have a chance to say goodbye.

    xx

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  15. Sending you lots of prayers, thoughts and love from Norway<3

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  16. oh, gege.. i couldn't imagine what you are going through! i will be praying for you!

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