Friday, November 18, 2011

Mommy Time

Sorry for the sporadic blogging as of late. It goes with my sporadic mental and physical capabilities, not to mention my sanity. Dude. How can such a little person demand so much time and energy? I've just spent the past 3 hours trying to get him to take a nap. I tried nursing him, rocking him, singing to him, downing a fifth of whiskey....NOTHING WORKED!

I know he was tired- it wasn't just my wishful thinking- yet he just refused to sleep unless it was in my arms. The kid weighs 19 pounds (yes, at 4 months- I wasn't kidding when I called him my Baby Huey. The kid can eat.) and I've got a crick in my neck from holding and jiggling him around for the past 13 months (heck yes I'm counting pregnancy! I'm not letting him live that down!)  Although I love him to bits and I love him when he's a happy baby (which, thankfully, is more often than not) and I enjoy playing with him and finding new tickle spots to hear him laugh with his gummy little mouth, I am ashamed to admit that I can't help thinking, "How can I knock him out so I can have some ME time?!?"

I have discovered that I am the most selfish person in the whole world and am obviously not cut out for the very selfless occupation of motherhood but it's too late to give him back and I don't think I can shove him back up the way he came down even if I tried. And then I think how precious he is and how much I love him and how the heck can I possibly think of going back to living without him in my life and I end up flogging myself for being the worst mother in the whole world. AND THEN HE STARTS TEETHING. Oh dear God the crankiness and the clingy-ness. I'm nursing around the clock to try and pacify him only to discover that he'd rather suck on my fingers than my boobies and I wish I would have discovered that before he started reacting in fear whenever I whip out a boob because even babies can get scared of the deranged topless woman chasing them about saying, "Just put it in your mouth and go to sleep!!!"

AND NOW HE WOKE UP! Three paragraphs! That's all I got out before The Cranky Wonder woke up from his "nap." More like a "I'll-close-my-eyes-for-a-minute-to-trick-her-into-thinking-she-can-have-time-away-from-me-and-then-I'll- yell-SURPRISE!!!-I'm-awake-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it!"

(I just placed him on his playmat so I can at least hopefully finish this blog post. I'm also ignoring his fussy "almost" cries but will leap into action when they turn into "for reals" cries.)

Oh crap. The "real" cries.

So much for Mommy Time.

8 comments:

  1. One word. Surrender. You can't win. Winning is not the goal anyway. When he won't sleep unless you are holding him, hold him so he can sleep. And take a nap with him. Sleep, for you both, no matter what time of day, is more important than a few minutes of crochet time for you. There will be time for you later, trust me. But it won't come any faster by wishing it so. Every time you meet his needs joyfully, he learns that caring for him is joyful for you. If you do it resentfully, he learns you resent him (even if you don't really, as I know you don't, be he does not know that). The more you give, the more you get. Another trick to happy motherhood is to learn to be grateful for the "me" time you DO get, instead of resentful of the time you DON'T get. And to let go of plans, at least while he is so young. It gets better as they grow up. Hang in there, Mama!

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  2. Oh honey, I totally understand! My Ms. E was the same way. She DID NOT sleep. Like Miranda said, surrender. That's what I did. I tried the crying it out, Baby Wise, all of those books. But the best thing that worked was to just be there. I used a sling and carried her every where. It will pass, it's only temporary. Don't feel guilty. You're a good mom and your baby knows it. ;)

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  3. Thanks, ladies. Sorry I missed y'all at Fibre Friends this morning- it was a rough night last night and a rough morning....and day...and evening...today. Poor Little Mister is miserable. :( I do know that "this, too, shall pass" and am really grateful that I have a mostly happy and easy going baby. I really don't know how the women who have to deal with colic do it! Every time I hear of months with a crying baby, I thank the Lord for Little Mister. :)

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  4. I can't comment from my own personal experience. My parents had 5 children and rubbing Little Mister's gums with a cotton ball soaked with whiskey was what they used for teething a night. Also something to chew on besides your boob like a teething bagel or toy helped for the waking hours. Just remember it won't last forever.

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  5. Oh Gege! You are NOT NOT NOT a bad mother! If you are, then so are most of us out there! Just last nite, I was saying out loud to a friend "I am sick and tired of being a mom!" and my angel is 7! Let yourself 'feel' it but as the others said, let go of what your life used to look like. This IS your life now so you will not be doing the same things. But that is okay! It has to be!

    Your buddies will be here to listen....I know I will! I'm only a cyber buddy but I understand and here's hoping he calms down a bit for you!

    Stay strong!
    kuddlekubs

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  6. Every mom goes through the "what did I get myself into stage" it will get easier...and sometimes harder, but at this point it pays to just sleep when he sleeps and hope better comes sooner than later. It is okay to let him cry sometimes and trust me I know how hard that is. When you feel frustrated so does he so the calmer you can muster the better off you will be.. we love and miss you both in the states and hope to hear things are going better soon...

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  7. I remember all this craziness, the other Moms' are right it passes. Just focus on getting as much rest as you can for now <3

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  8. It feels like every minute takes an hour right now, but I agree with other posters. Enjoy him now. Hold him. Learn to do all your blog typing very slowly with one hand (hitting shift and your desired key is VERY interesting!). Experiment with crocheting while holding/nursing a baby. All too soon you'll be begging him to sit with you, hold your hand, over whelmed with "ME" time. I was right there with you..and now my 3 boys are 10,8, and 6!!

    (some tips I was given when my oldest was teething..waffles cut into strips and then frozen, or wash cloths wet slightly, placed into a zip close baggie and frozen. Baby Ambisol is nice, but it pissed him off more than the pain of teething for a while, hahaha)

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