Perfect Storm

It seems like the Perfect Storm has occurred for me in the last couple days. A really wonderful Perfect Storm full of snuggles, feedings, sleeping, and baby poop.

Yes, Little Mister has been going through a growth spurt and I’ve basically been held prisoner in my bedroom for the past couple days. Now, up until this point, I would have been filled with anxiety and counting the minutes on the clock until he finished eating. HURRY LITTLE BABY! Eat! Eat! EAT!! Up until this point, I’ve unfortunately not been able to enjoy the whole breastfeeding/bonding experience to its fullest since I’ve had something or other to accomplish RIGHT NOW and a tiny little baby takes too long to gulp, slurp, and motorboat his way to fullness.

I’ve been on-the-go non-stop for the last few months and, truth be told, I’m a little concerned how hard I’m going to crash once I’m able to process everything that I’ve been going through. I’ve been putting it off- mainly because I’ve not had the time to truly think and process and OH.MY.LANTA! I’M A MOM NOW!

Since moving here 3 weeks ago, we’ve had to do the normal things you have to do when you move to another country- get a local driver’s license, get a local bank account, get a new vehicle, have a heart attack due to sticker shock since everything out here is SO VERY EXPENSIVE, and walk, walk, walk everywhere since you do not have a car and then you are stuck walking in a strange city when your very hungry little baby needs to eat RIGHT NOW and you don’t have the privacy of your own car with tinted windows and a sun shade and your dearly beloved Boppy with you so you can feed him properly so he cries and cries and your heart breaks and you yell and cry at your husband, “WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US???” even though you know he’s been through so very much himself and his heart breaks hearing his son cry and seeing his wife have a meltdown and he wishes he could just fix it RIGHT NOW.

*HUGE inhale*

No. It’s not been an easy transition for me. Not into motherhood, nor as an ex-pat. Although, I do think the transition into motherhood would have been much easier (MUCH!) had the whole moving-to-the-other-side-of-the-world thing did not happen AT THE SAME TIME. (When the opportunity first came up and we knew we’d be most likely be moving with a 2-month old, we thought, Crikey! Sounds good to me, mate! And we danced a dance of joy and threw shrimps on the barbie. And then the reality slowly sunk in as I started getting bigger and bigger and the pain became unmanageable and the baby just WOULD NOT BE BORN no matter how much I begged and pleaded and cried and bribed him with candy.)

When Little Mister started having blood in his stools and I couldn’t just jump in my own car and take him to his pediatrician or even to an urgent care center, I seriously thought my heart was going to break in two and would never mend due to all of the shoving aside of thoughts and emotions I’ve been shoving down deeper and deeper until I started becoming a walking zombie- emotionless and simply going through the daily motions of life- and I can’t even have the comforts of cheese to help me cope! I do not like this version of me. Not at all, Sam I am. It reminds me too much of the “me” I was last year when I wouldn’t- couldn’t- process my first pregnancy…and loss. Even to this day, I have a difficult time saying the “m” word.

Heck. It’s not been a tough couple months. It’s been a tough couple years, really.

My creativity has both waxed and waned during these times. Sometimes I’ll have a creative frenzy where the most beautiful creations and colors will rush through my mind. Other times the colors are muted and the creativity just won’t come. Sometimes I escape in my books- living vicariously through the lives brought forth in the pages before me. Recently, my creative juices have been flowing (I’m being published!!!!) and I’m happy about that. Yet I felt guilty when I would pick up my hooks knowing that I had SO MUCH to do to get ready to move and shouldn’t I be enjoying this time with my baby a little more since that’s what everybody tells me to do? “Enjoy this time- they grow so fast.”

But I couldn’t enjoy it. I wanted to very very badly to just hold my baby and love him and kiss his huge (HUGE!) cheeks and smell him- even when he’s smelly- and kiss that gummy mouth of his and snort him like a new skein of wool and I COULDN’T.

Instead I had to pass him off to my mom during the first week of his life since I knew it would be a very long time before she would see her first grandchild again. I had to put him in his car seat so he could sleep instead of lying down with him or letting him fall asleep on me anytime he wanted to just so I could get something done RIGHT NOW. I had to watch the clock and think, “Why aren’t you done eating yet?!? Don’t you know I have things I need to do RIGHT NOW and you are eating and eating and eating and I love you but you need to HURRY!”

Hurry! Hurry! HURRRRRRRY!!!

This brings me to the last couple of days. We finally have a vehicle so I don’t have to walk 45 minutes into town and 45 minutes back to run errands. We have our bank account and driver’s license. We don’t have all our stuff here yet, and that’s good. It means I don’t have to rush unpacking. I’ve been able to stay home and b-r-e-a-t-h-e and NOT in a hurried way that causes hyperventilation. And, best of all, this is the time that Little Mister has decided to go through a growth spurt.

He’s needed me every hour or so to feed him and gets cranky when I’m not with him. I’ve been able to sleep-in with him in the morning- having him nestled in the crook of my arm which is a perfect position for me to kiss his little head. Ok. So he’s sprayed me with fountains of poop which was really gross and did cause me to HURRY to get it all off me. BUT then we were able to snuggle again so he could eat (again!) and then I was able to nap with him because all of that eating and growing makes a baby very sleepy. And I didn’t need to HURRY and get up, leaving him in the bed alone, so that I could get Something Really Important done RIGHT NOW. I’ve been able to just stare at him and think- Oh.My.Lanta. This is my son and I love him.

And I thank My Mister for “doing this to me.”

Pardon Me- Do You Have Any Grey Poop-on You?

Wow. So, I’m pretty sure Little Mister is going through a growth spurt right now. Either that or he’s been possessed by some all-you-can-eat-boobie-buffet spirit today. Last night he was waking to eat every hour or so*. Well, it’s not really “waking” when all you do is turn toward the food source with your mouth gaping wide open and paw at your mom’s nursing tank while grunting in your sleep. At least he’s finally figured out that I’m the one to paw at and not just any body part he may be facing. (My Mister has been startled awake a few times by Little Mister trying to nurse on his arm. Makes me giggle just thinking about it.) I try to appease the little guy before he does wake up and start wailing his, “GIVE ME FOOD NOW!” battle cry. Also, I feel a little guilty hearing his loud, slightly labored breathing as I remember that I should have removed his boogers before going to bed so he could actually breathe at night. (Am I the only one who goes “fishing” with a tightly rolled tissue for his snot instead of using the booger-sucker-bulb? Maybe I shouldn’t put this out there for all to see, but I must admit I get a little thrill when I notice there’s a little bat in the cave that needs to be removed. OH GOODY! A booger for me to fetch! It’s a sickness, I know.)

Anywho, the real problem with eating all night long- other than ensuring your mother does not sleep AT.ALL. during the night thus making her slightly delirious in the morning. So delirious she does strange things such as not quite make eye contact as she’s stalking your nose mucus as soon as you wake. Maybe if you LET YOUR MOM SLEEP, she wouldn’t be chasing you with rolled up tissue so much. Just a thought.

Ahem. As I was saying, the real problem with eating all night long is that all that milk will eventually need to come out. Just in case you are not sure where I’m going with this, that milk comes out as poop. LOTS AND LOTS OF POOP.

Oh dear God- the amount of poop that comes out of such a little person. *shudder*  Now, I’m not a diaper expert or anything, but I’m pretty sure that when there is more poop on me than what is trapped in the diaper, that is called a DIAPER FAIL. I might as well have stuck a paper towel on his butt. A wet one with a large hole in it. 

There I was, lovingly holding Little Mister on my lap while we watched Murder She Wrote when all of a sudden I heard the telltale grunts and then felt the bubbly farts letting me know that his food finally finished cooking. Then the wet warmth on my lap let me know that this loving moment would not end well for me. Sure enough, a large, wet, yellow spot started growing on my pajama bottoms- and then made a run for it down my leg while shouting, “FREEEEEEDOM!!!” When the second wave of bubbly farts started its world tour, I realized I may need to incinerate Little Mister’s pajamas because there’s not enough water in the world to wash out all that poop. 

I quickly put him on the changing pad on the floor and started ripping off his clothes so that he wouldn’t marinate in that yellow brew and then bravely went for the diaper.  It was once I took off the diaper that I realized that the Poop World Tour included a trip all the way up his back and down his legs. Seriously- what was the point of putting a diaper on him at all?? It was only by the grace of God that I was able to put a new diaper on him at that moment because it was precisely at that moment that I also noticed that I had a huge poop stain on my nursing tank, as well. 

Now, I’m pretty sure this isn’t the professional mother’s way of handling things like this, but I’m still new at this game, so cut me some slack. I was totally grossed out by this point and could only think, “GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME!!” There may have been some slight screaming of, “EEEWWWWWWW!” as I jumped off the floor and started striping on my way to the laundry room. I didn’t even care (or notice) that my blinds were open and that my new neighbors may have gotten a little bit of a show from the new Yank next door. (So glad to do America proud, y’all.)

I continued on my way to the shower since I knew I had poop on my stomach, arms, and legs and that baby wipes just weren’t going to cut it. Once I was showered and feces free again, I put on some clean clothes, sighed in relief, and then it was at this point that I realized I LEFT MY BABY ALL ALONE ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR. You can see now why I’m glad I put that diaper on him when I did. I almost left a deadly weapon of poop destruction unsupervised on my living room floor. Whew. Barely dodged the “Bad Mother Award.”

After looking around to see if my new neighbors saw what I did and were now calling CPS, I wrestled with what I should do next – take him a bath or stick a cork in his butt? I finally thought it was only fair to bathe him since I was clean and, besides, the built up pressure from a corked butt could result in one of us losing an eye. 

By the time he was fresh, clean, and poop free, he let me know it was time to replenish his ammunition stores. The other thing about this particular growth spurt is that, besides being really cranky today, he only wanted to nurse while lying down in bed. This was fine by me since I figured I could catch some much needed sleep. So, down we went. He started eating as I lovingly looked down at him wondering how anything so perfect could be mine. And that’s when the bubbly farts started again. *HUGE SIGH* This time instead of striping myself, I had to strip the bed. What made this worse is the fact that I had just washed the sheets yesterday. So much for getting some sleep today. Anyone have a snotty nose that needs to be cleaned??

* He’s actually been eating like that all day long. I had to cancel my much needed chiropractic appointment this afternoon because I’m pretty sure it’s not easy to adjust a woman with a cranky, slightly smelly baby grafted to her bosom.

Hurry Up and Relax!

A Gold Star goes to Jen who correctly guessed that we have landed Down Under. (There were a few others that got back to me on Rav and FB who also correctly guessed. Glad to know my initial hint wasn’t a complete fail. ;) ). I have always wanted to live in Australia and My Mister and I were lucky enough to visit about 10 years ago, so this is a dream come true. However, these last couple weeks here haven’t exactly been the stuff that dreams are made of.  Thankfully, as of yesterday, we finally got some wheels! WOOT! That is definitely going to make things a little easier now.

As excited as I am to finally have a car again, I must say I’m enjoying the irony that today is the first day that there is nothing for me to do that requires a vehicle. I get to stay home and just….take it easy. Quite a foreign concept for me as of late. After all I’ve had to go through to get this car, it’s a little anticlimactic, actually. I feel like I should make up an urgent crisis that requires me to urgently jump in the car and fix it. Urgently. Instead I have time to just FINALLY relax and do nothing but enjoy spending time with Little Mister, watch TV without guilt, even crochet or read with impunity. And yet I feel antsy about it! My body is so tense and at the ready to pounce on the next crisis that appears. I am a puma! Do not mess with me! Hi YA! (Pumas know karate, right?)

Even while I was crocheting this past week, I felt like I had to make that hook fly and hurry, hurry, HURRY! for some unknown reason. And I feel super guilty for purposefully putting Little Mister in his swing in front of the TV and willing him to fall asleep so that I could have a few moments to myself to type up this blog post. My precious baby boy is going to have ADHD and a below average IQ because I let the TV babysit him for a few minutes. (How he can fall asleep watching MacGyver, I’ll never know. All that resourceful and mullet-y goodness on screen? HELLO!)  I don’t know if this is normal “mommy guilt” or the result of the months of stress I’ve been through.  Whatever the reason, I blame My Mister for it. Teehee!

Anywho, as I mentioned, we needed some coasters. Every time we put our drinks on our table without a coaster, my eyes would twitch a little and my hooks would fly even faster. So I went through my temporary mini (but slightly huge-ish) stash and pulled out some wools and cranked these babies out.

Wool Doodles

It was nice to have small projects to just doodle with. That purple one was the first time I crocheted in a spiral. I kept looking up free patterns on how to do it but couldn’t get the concept, so I just tried it on my own in a way that made sense to me and, what do you know? It worked! I think a video is in my near future... I've got some ideas for the star pattern and the blue/grey pinwheel pattern, as well...

Another thing we need are placemats. (Again with the eye twitching! HURRY UP HOOKS SO WE CAN EAT!) I started them with white as the main color since I have a lot of white thread. (It was for a different project that I started- a curtain- but that is for a different post.)

Pretty Pastels

But I just wasn't feeling it. So I started over in black. (EEK! Must hurry! The table is NAKED!)

Pretty Placemat.

Oh yeah baby! Black really made the colors pop! Unfortunately, I ran out of black as I was doing the border. Argh.  I only had the one ball of thread and I had already used some of it for Little Mister's Sock Monkey hat, but I ordered some online (the yarn supply here is woefully sad!) but unfortunately won't receive it until the 28th. Argh again. Perhaps my eye twitch is here to stay. *sigh*

The funny thing about this is that I absolutely love it and I'm planning on making a set of 4- each with a different color sequence. However, My Mister just isn't feeling it as a placemat. He doesn't think they are manly enough to put his food on. (Yes, he seriously said that. Yeah. I don't know, either.) However, I put it over our couch pillow and he really liked it. Huh. Go figure. So, in order to keep harmony in our new house, and to prevent an un-manly dining experience, my placemats are going to end up as pillows.

In the meantime, we'll have to do without placemats (or, heaven forbid, actually go buy some) until my thread arrives. I have another idea for placemats, actually. I'm thinking of doing a Southwest theme for this house, so.....we'll see where that leads.

So, for now, I'll try to be zen about it all and actually enjoy having nothing to do for once. I have to do it RIGHT NOW before the baby wakes up and ruins my MacGyver ogling.  Hellllloooooo mullet!

My Neck of the Woods

So I started a blog post last week in honor of my 3^rd blogiversary (YAY ME!) but just never had time to finalize it due to Little Mister deciding that he prefers sleeping at night rather than during the day. Part of me is so thankful, yet part of me misses the time when he would sleep all day long so I could get some things accomplished. Granted, I never got things accomplished then either since the moment I moved he would wake up and thus want to eat again. Now when he wakes up he actually wants to interact with parts of me other than my boob and I feel compelled to interact with him lest he grows up to be a big fat dummy.

Another obstacle I’ve faced in accomplishing anything is the fact that we do not have a vehicle yet. We’ve been test driving cars- which in and of itself has been an adventure since they drive on the wrong side of the road here*- and will hopefully finally buy a car on Monday. The people here are very nice and have basically bent over backwards offering us assistance as we get settled in. I’m so very thankful for that but also hate becoming an imposition. However, I did have to take my new neighbor up on their offer to borrow their vehicle yesterday when we had to take Little Mister to the hospital for some tests. I’ve been super freaked out since finding blood in his stools on Tuesday. After many trips to and from doctors to figure it out, they suspect it’s due to a milk protein allergy. Thus, I have to stop eating/drinking dairy and he should be fine.

Considering the other, scarier causes for bloody stools, I am thankful that it’s something that I can actually control. That said, after the initial relief swept over me upon hearing the news, the full reality of the sacrifice I will have to make hit me. I am totally a dairy queen! I eat cereal every morning for breakfast (or oatmeal made with milk rather than with water) and will eat it for a snack or even for dessert. I eat yogurt just about every day and I’ve once again picked up that nasty ice cream eating habit. However, I know I can drink rice milk with my cereal and, let’s face it- I really don’t need that ice cream- but I think the toughest part for me is giving up the ooey gooey gloriousness that is cheese. I love cheese. I would totally marry it if I could. I LOVE cheese. And now… no more Brie and Bread. No more cheesy omelette or burritos. No more fondue. No more Melted Cheese on a Plate! (Which is where you get some cheese, put it on a plate, and then melt it. YUM.) Gah! This kid better appreciate my sacrifice!

Another frustration has been the inconsistency of our internet access. We’ve been using a wireless hotspot since arriving here and are waiting (and waiting and waiting) for our internet service to be hooked up. We used to use our cell phones for internet but now can only do that when we have access to wifi which is NOT freely available here. I really don’t want to be the snobby American, but dang…we really do have it good in the US! (Something I totally miss from home? FREE REFILLS! Do they really think that 3 oz of Diet Coke poured over 9oz of ice will last an entire meal???)

We are still waiting (and will be waiting for a few months) for our stuff to be shipped out here. However, we were able to mail some things ahead of us- the things we deemed the most important- and thankfully those things have arrived. I, of course, mailed my yarn. Not my whole stash, unfortunately, but enough to last a good year or two while I wait for the rest of it to arrive. Big Mister tried talking me out of mailing so much of my yarn, but he quickly backed down when I growled and hissed calmly explained that I’ll need something to keep me busy and sane out here.

So, I’ve been on a crocheting spree while Little Mister takes his 30 minute cat naps during the day and when he finally goes down to sleep at night. I made us some felted coasters and am currently making some placemats. (Pictures coming soon!) Our coasters and placemats are being shipped over right now. They were not as important as my yarn. Neither was the majority of my clothing, actually. I may wear the same 5 outfits every day for a couple of months, but gosh darn it- I’ve got my yarn.

Anywho- just a little update on what’s been going on in my neck of the woods. Hopefully things will start to settle down really soon. Getting a car will be a huge step in establishing normalcy again. Well, as normal as things can be without cheese. (Why did it have to be a dairy allergy??? WHY?!?)

* This is the second hint in the Where in the World is Gege game. The first hint was my sign off to y’all in the post where I told you I moved. I guess I was too subtle. You call people Zoobaroos one to many times and they eventually figure out you don’t really live in Zoobilee Zoo, so they think you’re just quirky and ignore any other ways you sign off. *sigh* HINT FAIL.

Sleep Training

So the last couple of days have been spent trying to get adjusted to our new area, as well as the time changes. I must say that, as difficult as moving with a newborn was, it probably helped us adjust to the time difference rather quickly. Once you’re used to not sleeping much, jet lag is a breeze.  One thing that was frustrating was that Little Mister was finally sleeping through most of the night before we left. He was waking up once in the middle of the night and then again right around when the alarm would go off. Baby sleeping more = we sleep more.  Moving to the other side of the world = ARGH.  

Well, thankfully he has adjusted rather quickly, as well, and once again had a night where he woke up only once to eat. So….we decided to try letting him sleep in his crib. He held up his end of the deal- sleeping 5 hours straight- so we had to hold up our end- putting him to sleep in his crib. Oy to the vey. 

Here’s how it went down: 

7:30- Feed him for what ended up being the last time that evening. He starts to fall asleep during feeding.

8:00- Since I'm able to read my baby soo very well, I figure he'll eat again around 10, so I give him to Big Mister to bathe/entertain while I take my shower

8:05- Listen to Big Mister struggle with bathing a cranky baby who was forced awake just to have a bath.  Hmmmm....I must have misjudged my baby. Oh well, I'm still learning.

8:30- Take Little Mister from Big Mister who keeps on saying, “I don’t have the magic touch! He’s just so cranky and won’t fall asleep for me!”

8:31- Inwardly smile knowing I have the “magic touch” and can soothe my baby and daddy can’t. I’m the best mom in the world.

8:35- Wonder where my magic went as I’m jiggling the baby and trying to soothe him but the darn kid is too cranky. Note to self: rethink bathing necessity. He may smell a little, but at least he won’t be cranky. 

9:00- Finally put him in his crib and turn on his musical mobile. He’s distracted by the light, sound, and movement so he quits fussing. GENIUS!

9:05- He’s asleep. In his crib. All by himself.

9:08- Happy my baby is able to sleep all by himself. Without his mommy. That's the goal, right? Self soothing. No mama required. Yep. That's what we wanted. Right?

9:10- WAAAAAHHH! (That was the baby, I swear.)

10:00- Being unbelievably exhausted, I am able to fall asleep next to my husband and not worry about squishing the baby.

10:01- Worrying about not hearing the baby

10:02- Worrying about whether or not the baby is going to be warm enough all by himself in his crib

10:05- Worrying about…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 

10: 45- Hear Big Mister get back into bed. Ask what happened. His response: The baby was making noises so I went to check on him.

10:46- I AM A BAD MOTHER! I didn’t even hear my baby fussing all by himself in his crib and my husband did. He’s all alone and fussing and I didn’t even….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

11:00- WHAT WAS THAT? Was that the baby? I better check on him before my husband has to. I want to be a good mom!

11:01- Stare at my baby asleep all alone in his crib…peacefully. 

11:05- Back in bed. Straining my ears to see if I hear anything. Nope. Nothing. I am a good mom.

11:20- WHAT WAS THAT??? I’m a good mom. Is that the baby? I need to check since I’m a good mom.

11:21- Staring at my still peaceful baby who is still sleeping. 

11:25- Back in bed. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

12:30- I’M A GOOD MOM! What was that?? Must check the baby.

12:35- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1:30- What was that? Was that the baby? I hope it’s the baby. It’s been many hours since he last ate and I don’t want him to starve. I’m feeling engorged. He better wake up soon. Should I wake him up? What would a good mom do? Egads my boobies are hurting. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

1:32- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2:30- ACK! That was the baby for reals this time! He’s crying! He’s hungry! He’s starving and needs his mom! Don’t worry little baby! Mama is on her way! You have the best mom in the world!

2:33- Back in bed. Feeding my baby. Note that his feet are cold since I didn’t put socks on him. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER DOESN’T PUT SOCKS ON HER BABY??? A bad mom, that's who. I'm a bad mom! I made my baby freeze! Look at his little cold feet. Look at his little cold cheeks. Look at his adorable little face. Look at....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As you can see, it's obvious that Little Mister has some separation anxiety issues we need to work on. Oh well. He'll be able to handle being in his crib all alone soon enough. After all, he's got the best mom in the world here to help him.