A Trip Down Crochet Memory Lane

My last post really had me thinking about all of the crochet poo I have managed to create during my short, yet ongoing, reign as Crochet Queen of the World.  (What?!? Megalomaniac?!? Moi???).  Oh yes, my friends.  In my first overeager attempts to jump right in with hooks a-blazin', I left quite a shameful trail of what-not-to-crochet behind me.

It all began with my first choice of yarn.  I had my Teach Yourself to Crochet materials all laid out and ready to go- all I needed was some beautiful yarn to transform into a wondrous work of crochet excellence that would have family and friends marveling at my utter artistic brilliance.  So, what do I choose?  Hmmm.....  Well, let's see.....I love purple. If it is purple, it is beautiful and will make beautiful crochet pieces of art.  Even if it's Homespun yarn by Lion Brand- it's purple, so I must love it and buy it NOW.  

Lesson Numero Uno- NEVER buy Homespun yarn. Ever.  Especially if you are a beginner who has never picked up a hook before.  Never.  As I learned the hard way, you will never be able to see your stitches. I thought I was a crochet 'tard when I couldn't figure out which loop the instructions were talking about- there was nothing but loops in this yarn.  This was  a serious blow to my Queendom aspirations.

When I figured out that Homespun was not the best yarn with which to learn crochet, I went back to the store and found RHSS- a great yarn with which to learn. After learning the basic crochet stitches, I decided to work on a purse that was in my Crochet learning packet.  (Makes sense that I make many purses now- I was drawn to purses from the very get go.)  This is what it looked like in the book.

Cute, huh? It was made with two strands held together- sc for the two colors mixed, dc with the main color in the middle.  Well, when I first bought that RHSS, what did my lustful eyes draw me to?  Oh look! More pretty purple! Mixed with other pretty colors! And here's another one that's pretty blue with some pretty purple in it!  Look at the pretties!  Oh yes- I discovered variegated yarn and it was my new favorite.   

Lesson Numero Dos- variegated yarn is ok in small doses, but absolutely abominable in large doses.  This is my very first crochet project:

It was so bad that I couldn't even finish it.  Here you can see my early attempts (and subsequent failures) at getting dc even at the end of a row.

With this project, I did learn that I liked dc much better than sc.  And I learned that purple is very deceitful above all things. (ETA- my sister just saw this and said, "Hmm.  Well....I'm glad you kept practicing.  It looks like something that would be posted on Etsy."  OOOOO! Burn!)

For my second project, I surfed for free projects and found one on the Michaels website for another purse. It was made of motifs that you join as you go.  Since I was tricked by purple last time, I decided to go a more neutral route with this project.  It actually didn't turn out that bad. 

I actually finished it in record time and was oh so proud of myself and couldn't wait to utilize my new handmade bag.  Ummm....yeah.  Do you see all the ends sticking out?  With this bag, I found that I don't like weaving in ends. 

Lesson Numero Tres- if you don't like weaving in ends, don't make something that will have a million of them for your second project.  Also, since it was so holey and stretchy, it is a very impractical bag.  I may line it in the future just so that it won't sit in my pile-o-shame any longer.  But, until then, shame pile it is.

I think after these 2 projects, I was a little disheartened, so I put crochet away for a month or so.  However, those hooks kept luring me back, so I decided to try it again.  This time I promised to learn from my mistakes.  I decided to try a hat and found really cute ones at Yarncat.  I taught myself how to crochet in the round with this hat.  Then I made a scarf to go with it.  I started with a flower I found in one of my crochet books and then designed the scarf to go with it, making the flower into a pocket.  This is my first attempt at designing.  

 

I actually do use these and I made my sister a matching set in pink.  Crochet Queendom attained.

Not bad for a first hat.  Feeling very proud of how quickly I learned from my mistakes, I moved on to my second hat.  I found another free pattern for a cute cloche and thought, I am the Crochet Queen and this shall be my crown.  The pattern called for bulky yarn, so I thought, Homespun is pretty bulky....hmmmm.....*strokes chin*......let's try it again!!!! 

Here is my second hat, or as I lovingly call it, the Head Eating Blood Clot.

It's HUUUUGE.  Here it is in comparison to my watermelon hat.

Just so you don't think it's a trick of the camera, here is the Blood Clot eating my watermelon hat.

Lesson Numero Quatro- learn from Mistake Numero Uno.  It would be frogged by now....if only some NASA scientist can figure out a way to frog Homespun.  Wait a second....I'm Queen.....heads are going to roll for this! Unless that Blood Clot eats them first.....

I find that inspiration for a new project can come from anywhere.  For instance, one day in my early crocheting career while my Mister and I were eating dinner in front of the TV at our very posh and proper dining table, I looked at our placemats and thought- I could totally make these!  So, I found another free pattern on the web and got out some new yarn from my cute little baby stash.  (*Sigh* They grow so fast!)  This is what I made:

Wow.  I am a really slow learner.  (Note to self, read Lesson Numero Dos and memorize it by heart.  No, Self! Stop!  Do not wander away when I'm talking to you!  Put.the.yarn.down. I don't care how purplely it is!  Walk away. Just walk away.)  

Since this didn't lay flat, I thought, no problem!  Just iron it.  RHSS.  Acrylic.  Good idea, no?

Lesson Numero Cinco- ACRYLIC MELTS.  Do not use it for anything that will come in contact with heat or you may have an ugly variegated puke stain to clean up later.

Well, now I thought that I learned all I could from acrylic yarn and should now branch out and try new fibers with my supremely advanced crocheting abilities.  I'd been eyeballing those large cones of cotton at Walmart for a while, so I thought, why not!  I'm Queen. Give it to me now!

I didn't know what to make with it, but thought another bag would be nice.  I think this one came from the Sugar and Cream website.  It's supposed to be a market bag- not only was I going to make a crochet work of art, I was going to save the planet by taking my reusable, handmade, environmentally friendly bag with me and not use disgusting non-biodegradable plastic anymore.  I snatched the crown off of the Environmental Queen's head, as well.  It was easy- just sicced my Blood Clot on her and her kingdom was mine.  

REALLY?!?  Self!  Did I not tell you to memorize Lesson Numero Dos????  What do I have to do to you to make you understand??? 

As you can see, I did not finish this one, either.  I think I got disheartened by the ugliness of it all.  I couldn't picture going into Trader Joes trying to impress folks with my reusable, handmade, environmentally friendly turd bag.  Nope.  Couldn't do it.

So there you have it.  A sampling of the wondrous poo that can be created with hook and yarn.  Ahhhh....memories.  Sooo glad I didn't do something embarrassing to give crochet a bad name.  Whew!  Crochet Queen status secured.  Crown firmly in place.  Actually, I don't think I could take it off if I tried.  No, seriously.  A little help here?  

 

ARE YOU READY FOR A WAR?!?

There was a thread recently on Ravelry asking if crochet is getting more popular on that site.  Apparently, there are quite a few crochet patterns on the New and Popular section cropping up.  Of course, in the thread, there were quite a few crocheters Rah Rah Rahing about the awesomeness that is crochet.  And then you had some knitters who were trying to hide their, "Say it ain't so!" while they ran to double check the New and Popular patterns.  

I think it's a bunch of hooey.  It's quite ridiculous this whole, "Us vs. Them" mentality that crops up between knitters and crocheters.  I giggle to myself when I think about it since I have a very vivid imagination (shocking, I know).  I keep picturing 2 sides of wild-eyed, tangle-haired, fiber wielding women- half carrying pointy sticks and half carrying not-so pointy hooks.  They rush onto the battleground screaming, "For our frrrrreedom!" in heavy Scottish brogues as they flash their cojones to each other by lifting their knitted or crocheted kilts.  There's blood! There's tears! There are even dismembered digestive systems!  However, ultimately, the kilts are the winners.

This was my response to the thread:

A couple of my projects have been recipients of some comments like that (“Wow, I didn’t know you could do that with crochet” or “I would learn crochet just to make that”). Unfortunately, crochet has earned it’s ugly red-headed stepchild reputation (darn the 70’s!!). However, there are some amazing things being done with crochet and some wonderful patterns that are coming out to hopefully bring people over to the dark side….err….to become hookers…..umm…..to try crochet. ;). Not to take away from knitting, but to open up eyes and minds to the different possibilities out there for appeasing this strange and urgent primal need to work and express ourselves with fibers. Whether with hooks or sticks, that’s what it boils down to. It’s all about the fiber.

First off, if you happen to be an ugly red-headed stepchild, then I must say.....sucks to be you!  HA! Secondly, if you've read my blog long enough, you know that I'm a nutritionist and that I'm all about the fiber.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: a clean colon is a happy colon.  However, in this case, I'm talking about a wholly different kind a fiber.  Yummy and good for you all the same.  The fiber that we use- whether acrylic, wool, or some sort of Frankenstein blend of anything that can be made into string- is what is makes us all light headed and breathless.  I don't go into the craft store to stare googly eyed at the crochet hooks.  I go to pet and drool over the yarn and dream about what I can create with it.  FIBER folks. 

I love crocheting. However, it's just by the luck of the draw that I picked up the hook rather than the sticks.  In 2007, at the same time I picked up a "Teach Yourself to Crochet" packet at Walmart, I also picked up a "Teach Yourself to Knit" packet.  For whatever reason, I ripped apart the Crochet one first.  I just connected with it instantaneously and the rest, quite frankly, is history.  Eventually, I did open up the knitting kit and I even tried it out.  (Gasp, shock and horrors!)  I actually knitted a washcloth early last year:

Yes, my friends.  I can both knit AND purl!  And, yes, I do become more awesome by the minute. Granted, my "square" dishcloth does look more rhomboid, but it's a dishcloth nonetheless.     

A few lessons I learned with this dishcloth:

1) Knitting takes for freakin' EVAH to do.  It took me nearly a week to knit that scrawny little thing!  In comparison, it took me nearly a week to crochet this:

1a) Ok, ok.  If I actually took the time needed to master the art of knitting, it probably wouldn't take me so long.  However, I'm extremely impatient.  Extremely.  That's why it made me laugh when folks said I must be so patient to have crocheted my Mario blanket.  No- not patient- just crazily obsessed. Extremely impatient, crazy, and obsessed.  About sums me up.

 2) Knitting makes a really stretchy fabric.  I really like the way this dishcloth feels.  Knitting does make a really nice fabric and is great for making wearables. I truly would like to be able to knit myself a sweater.  However, check 1a again. 

3) Even though most people say that Continental knitting (or "picking") would be easier for crocheters to learn since you hold the yarn in your left hand as you do for crocheting, I could not get the hang of it for anything.  Throwing the yarn seemed so much more of a fit for me.  Goes to show you that most people actually don't know anything and generally just talk out of their butt about everything.

4) If I had the time to practice knitting, I would.  I just have so many crochet projects running through my head and not enough time to get them fleshed out so knitting sits on the back burner.  Also, read 1a again.

I think it's unfortunate that there are some knitters who thumb their noses at crochet.  However, as I said earlier, crochet has not had the best of reputations. When people think of crochet, they usually picture orange, avocado, and yellow granny square or ripple afghans or little old ladies making a plethora of doilies that nobody is going to use.  I am proud to have some projects that have shone a positive light on this wonderful craft.  It's not just for old ladies to make tacky home accessories.  It can be cool and fun and ART.

However, we as crocheters have to do our part to continually show the world the awesomeness of our craft.  Designers need to keep making new and beautiful items that will continue to make people (including knitters) think, "Wow!  I want to learn how to do that!"

ETA: I'm not saying that doilies aren't art, as well.  Have you seen some of those thread crochet projects??  Check this out!

Stop making so many lousy granny square projects in tacky colors!  Use something other than pastels for gifts!  Use colors and textures and designs that may challenge you!  If you make a purse, line it and put attractive handles on it!  The finishing of an object makes all the difference in the world.  I LOVE it when I'm wearing one of my purses and someone asks where I bought it from.  They gasp and just can't believe that it was handmade.  That's the way it should be, folks.  If you find that people don't like your handmade gifts, stop thinking they're being ungrateful and take a cold, hard look at what you're giving them.  Are the colors tacky?  Is the workmanship shoddy?  It doesn't matter if you spent a week making that baby blanket- nobody is going to appreciate a piece of crap no matter how much "love" was put into it.

If you are a beginner, then this does not apply to you.  We all have to start out somewhere.  Look at my knitted dishcloth- a total piece of poo, I know.  Believe me, I have had my fair share of rotten crochet projects, as well. However, as your skills improve, don't just get stuck in the same old row after row of dc projects.  Branch out and try something new!  

I do think that the whole "us vs. them" thing is ridiculous.  However, I am a crocheter and I love my craft.  I don't want someone thumbing their nose at me just because I bring a dull hook into battle.  I want to show them that I can totally kick their arse with my weapon of choice.

How about you?

Blog Spotlight: Crafty is Cool

So, I've been thinking of doing this for a while- putting a spotlight on some of the blogs/other sites I come across while I mindlessly browse for hours on the interwebs.  It'll put a spotlight on some maybe not-so-well-known blogs (and maybe some more-well-known blogs...mostly of the crafty or geeky nature), as well as let me have a reference of a particular site that I stumbled across and forgot to bookmark.  I iz forgetful sometimez.

Anywho, I saw this post on Craftster for a crocheted Conan O'brien.  I thought it totally rocked! I loved this since I think Conan is hilarious and since I think that people that do amigurumi are amazing.  I hate doing single crochet.  HATE.IT.  I would rather wipe my rear with a pine cone than complete row after row of single crochet.  Don't get me wrong- I know it's a necessary evil in the world of crochet.  My Koopa Coin Purse was done in single crochet.  Thus, it smells like a forest every time I pass gas.  (HA! I couldn't even finish typing that without LOLing for reals. I crack myself up.)

Ok, I digress.  She had her blog (Crafty is Cool) listed in her signature, so I clicked it to see what else she has to offer.  AMAZING!  She has some free ami patterns up- including this one for an a-freakin'-dorable power-up mushroom!  

She has some other awesome toys as well as some patterns on her etsy site. Hopefully she'll be updating her blog with other patterns or pictures of her FO- great stuff Allison!

Gege Crochet Double Feature

At long last!  The 2 videos (actually 4 because of the length) are finally up!  Now I can finally tackle that mountain in my bedroom known as the laundry pile.  When my Mister starts his own load of laundry, I know it's bad....

Missions Semi-Accomplished

Well, I didn't get any sewing accomplished this weekend after all.  Dang.  Instead I went to the shooting range with my Mister*.  We had a blast!  (hee! I'm punny!) Truthfully, I'm a regular little Annie Oakley and am, as Mister said, "very impressive" with a gun.  Gun slinging notwithstanding, I was still able to cross off some items on my to-do list this weekend.  

*(That's what I call him in real life, so I'm going to start referring to him as my Mister on here, as well.  The funny thing is that he picks up on my quirks/oddities very well, which can be very aggravating....especially when I don't realize I'm being annoying quirky/odd. Self realization can be a real pain in the butt.  So, he calls me, "Mister," too. It makes us laugh.)

1: I finished the Felted Watermelon Tote Pattern.  Let me rephrase that: I FINISHED THE FELTED WATERMELON TOTE PATTERN!!!!!  YAY!  It's now listed on my etsy site, as well as some of my other previous listings.  I went through a personal tragedy this winter and basically neglected everything- this blog and my etsy site, included.  However, I'm picking myself up, dusting myself off, and starting all over again.  Buy my stuff, y'all. ;)

2: * I've uploaded the Watermelon Hat video!  It's taken most of the day to upload via Youtube- I guess HD has it's drawbacks.  Seeing myself in HD....not as traumatic as I anticipated.  Thank the Lord for Oil of Olay. The second video is edited and has been published; I think I'll upload it to Youtube tonight since it'll probably take a good 8 hours to finish.  

*Ok, the video was still processing as I was finishing up this post.  It's been 7 hours since I first uploaded it to youtube.  I've just been notified that it's been rejected because it's too long.  WHAT.THE.WHAT?!?  So, I wasted 2 hours in publishing time for both the videos, plus 7 hours of uploading/processing time. Which means that, in addition to re-editing the videos, I still have another 2 hours of publishing time tomorrow and then approximately another 15 hours of uploading time. A.R.G.H!! 

 

3: A couple of months ago, my Mister asked me to make him a scarf.  I know- he already has the coolest scarf ever so, what could he possibly want another one for?  Well, the Mario Scarf is a tad too thin for him and, since we've apparently been relocated to the arctic this winter, he wants a warmer one.  But, more importantly than that, HE REQUESTED A CROCHET ITEM!  So, I told him that I could make him one like my circle scarves- except in manly colors, of course.  He shot that one down- thinks it'd still be too girly.  Drat- now I've got to think.  Fast forward to yesterday.  I've got a bit of time in the car while we're driving to/from the range, so I start tinkering with some yarn.  I've had this idea for a while and I really like what it's looking like.  I think it looks like bricks- bricks that a manly construction worker would be working with. *Insert Tim Allen grunt here.* He likes my swatch at first, but then decides that it's not exactly what he's looking for.  I text this to my sister asking, "Is this a manly scarf?"

 

She replies, ".....kinda."

Well, what do they know, anyway?  I'm the designer so I'll tell them what to like.  Stupids.  So, I start chaining away and making the darn scarf since I like it and think it's quite cute manly.  As I'm making the 1st brick section, Mister likes it.  Then, I start adding the second blue layer.  He likes it still.  Then I add the gray transforming it into the second brick layer. Mister squnches up his face in disgust. Ahhhh.....so he's ok with the plain blue/gray in the middle.  Oh yes- success will be mine.  This is what the FO looks like:

Mister likes it!!  So, this is my Mister Scarf. Kinda looks like tire treads to me.  I'm working on the hat, so I'll get a better picture soon.  

So, there you have it. An altogether successful weekend.  If I had an extra day all to my lonesome, I know I'd be able to get at least 2 of the bags out of the way.  I'm still a little congested but not enough to take a sick day tomorrow.  Err....I mean....*coughcoughcough*. I....*wheez*...think it's progressed....*gasp*.....into pneumonia....  I think I need to stay home and finish my projects rest.......