Gege Crochet

Sleep is a Battlefield

2012-01-04T07:02:00.000-05:00

With all due respects to Pat Benatar, I'd like to propose that love is merely a Plain of Contention and that sleeping with an infant is the true battlefield.

Last night was the first night in I can’t remember how long that Little Mister actually slept 5 hours in a row. From around 7pm to 12am, with fidgeting only once at 10 where we had to turn on his mobile in his crib thus knocking him back out again, he was asleep. Blissful sleep. This was great for us since we have started going to bed earlier, especially since Big Mister had to go to work the next morning, so we were able to take advantage of those extended hours of sleep, right?

You are so wrong! Ha! Had you going there for a moment! Suckers!

Yeah- I ended up having insomnia for the first half of the night. I *never* have insomnia. If anything, I’m more of a Super Narcoleptic- able to fall asleep in a single bound. But, last night, for whatever reason, me no sleepy. Argh.

So, I was basically a zombie all day today. So glad I could keep the status quo. I guess the upshot of the day is that I learned two very valuable lessons. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about them, though.

Lesson One: Time to Wake Up!

I was finally able to fall asleep during Little Mister’s morning nap after earnestly praying that he would not only fall asleep, but stay asleep for a few hours- preferably all day if possible. Unfortunately, after just one measly hour of slumber, the time came. The time when Little Mister decided, “YAY! Its morning time! Wakey, wakey birthday cakey!” and then immediately put “Operation Wake Mommy Up” into effect.

He started with ever so gently petting my face which quickly escalated to punching me in my eye. Hey- I can’t blame him. He’s still developing his gross motor skills and I’m sure he meant to gently pet me once again, but his arm was behind his back and all he could do was roll over so that the momentum would carry his chubby arm over his body where it would hopefully make contact with my cheek but instead resulted in giving me a mild concussion. When that didn’t work, he simply went old school and pulled my hair. I debated filing for elder abuse but decided to keep sleeping instead. I mean, it was just a mild concussion. No big whoop. It's amazing how much I can ignore to win the sleep battle. And then, he did it. He pulled out the big guns- the one thing he knows- KNOWS- will wake mommy up. Oh yes- it was all systems go! *aOOOOga! aOOOOga!* Commence the Bubbly Farts!!

Dagnabbit. Sly little sucker. He wins.

Lesson Two: Time to Go to Sleep!

Later in the morning, my sister and I (and her roommate, our good friend) were able to Skype, for which I’m ever so thankful since I now have tangible proof that I have a case for elder abuse. You see, Little Mister was behaving pretty well for his auntie….until it was nap time.

Oh the humanity!

I could see the little wheels in his brain turning as he thought, “Hmmm….” *strokes chin* “If beating up mom works to wake her up, it might work to get her off the phone and feed me so that I can get my beauty rest.” And then he put his fingers together and said, “Exxxxcelllent.”

And then he pummeled me.

So, I got off the phone with my sister and fed him.

DANGIT! He wins again!

Don’t believe me? I HAVE PROOF!!!

Behold: A screenshot from my sister’s phone!

Feed me, Monkey! And charge your phone, Auntie!

I think those rings gave him super power or something. I'll know for sure once my jaw is no longer wired shut.

So, I learned that when it's time to wake up, he beats me and when it's time to go to sleep, he beats me. Hmmm....not too sure I'm liking this development.

Ok. It's time for me to put on my armor. It's bedtime. You and me, Little Mister. It's on like Donkey Kong.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-03T07:21:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, everyone!

Wow. 2011 sure was a doozy of a year for me- so many new changes occurred leaving me in a whirlwind of emotions, gas, and really, really intense dark under eye circles. I cut my hair, for one. I gained and lost 40 pounds for another. Diet book coming out soon: How to Lose 30 Pounds in Two Weeks- Pop Out A Kid, Breastfeed Around the Clock, and Then Pee Like a Racehorse.

Darn. I gave away my book secrets. That’ll be $29.99, y’all.

What else…what else…? Oh yeah- that whole popping out a kid thing and then moving to the other side of the world thing. All within two months of each other. Like I said- whirlwind.

I’m eagerly looking forward to 2012 and am hopeful that, now that the large stressors are out of the way, this year will be filled with laughter and coos, cuddles, first words, more cuddles, and hopefully substantially less gas.

I don’t usually like making New Year’s Resolutions since, like I said last year, what’s the point of starting out a New Year with a list that will highlight and predict all of your future failures? However, this year I decided to stack the deck in my favor by listing things that I’m reasonably sure I’ll be able to accomplish. And if I don’t, well…. at least I got a lot of practice crying uncontrollably this past year.

So- here we go!

I resolve to brush my hair at least twice a day instead of haphazardly throwing it in a ponytail to help control the insane amount of hair that has been falling out of my head. It’s very disconcerting finding my hair all over the house, especially when I find it in places that make me take a moment and think, “WTHairbrush?” Let’s just say that finding hairs in your baby’s diaper definitely makes you pause and say, “Whuuuuuut?”

I resolve to drink at least 80 ounces of non-caffeinated beverages a day to help facilitate my digestion because I am sooo tired of being referred to as “MILF”. (Wait- that stands for Mom Is Loudly Farting, right?)

I resolve to crochet like the wind these next two months because the yarn FINALLY arrived for my secret project- the one that is going to be published in an upcoming book. (!!!) And thankfully it’s not cotton!! WOOT! It’s actually Lion Brand Fishermen’s Wool- a fiber I’ve wanted to work with for a very long time, so I am really stoked about this!

I resolve to keep my secret project away from the washing machine no matter how difficult it may be or how many straitjackets it may require. This one is a doozy because, even though I’m working with wool, my secret project is NOT felted. WHAT THE WHAT?? I KNOW!!

I resolve to clean my kitchen every night before going to bed because there are some crazy huge cockroaches around here and, even though the exterminator just sprayed down my house, I know those sadistic cat-eating creatures are just biding their time until they can charge my home and scare the crap out of me again. Yep. I’m going to clean my kitchen every night this year. No exceptions.

I resolve to not cry too uncontrollably knowing I’m in bed right now and have already failed at one of my resolutions. Thank God for bug spray.

I hope you all have a very wonderful New Year filled with love, laughter, good food, and even better friends! Here’s to a fantastic 2012!

Beets Me

2011-12-27T08:16:00.000-05:00

I may have mentioned once or twice that, by education and until recently also by profession, I am a nutritionist. I've spent many a year studying nutrition and so I know quite a bit about food. However. Apparently there are new things for all of us to learn, so I am now passing on my knowledge to you guys.

First, some background. I am not a picky eater. Never have been really. I remember as a kid, I didn't like onions- I'd even pick out the tiny little ones in a McDonalds hamburger Happy Meal on those rare occasions we were lucky enough to eat out at one of those high-falutin' restaurants. I also didn't like zucchini, unless it was in my aunt's zucchini bread which is basically banana bread with zucchini instead of banana. Moral of the story- sugar makes everything better.

There was just one other food that I knew of that I DID.NOT. like. The culprit: beets.

Beets were one of those tricky foods- they look so gosh darned purdy with their purpley purpleness oozing out in a, "Hey baby....you should taste me because I'm purple and you know you can't resist purple so why don't you take a nice, big juicy bite out of my tasty purpleness. You know you want to. Baby," sort of way. Apparently beets are also quite the sleazeballs of the tuber family.

(An aside: My mother-in-law's first language is not English, so she sometimes still to this day will have very amusing turns of phrases. This past Thanksgiving, she was talking about a really unsavory person she once knew- a real jerk. She said, ever so seriously, "He was a really big squeeze-ball!" Oh dear me...I don't think I'd laughed so hard in a really long time.)

The only problem with beets is that they kinda sorta really taste like....well, like dirt. Or at least what I assume dirt tastes like because that is not something I'd know from experience. Nope. Surely not.

So, I pretty much have avoided beets, no matter how purpley they were nor how much my coworkers told me they tasted good and were good for me. Yes, I'll grudgingly admit that they are indeed a very healthy food. But still. DIRT.

HOWEVER. At a work conference I attended two years ago, there was a beet and walnut salad available on the buffet and, since my coworker told me that it was a really good salad, and since I was a new employee and wanted to look tough and adventurous, I decided to try that darned salad. If anything, it would test my acting ability- could I get it down without making an, "EWW GROSS!" face?

Much to my surprise, that darned purpley salad tasted as good as it looked! Well blow me down and call me Popeye! I couldn't believe it! Beets that didn't taste like dirt! They had some sort of vinegar on them, that I knew- whether balsamic or red wine, I don't recall- but ever since then I've been on the hunt for the pretty, non-dirt tasting beets but to my dismay have not been successful.

Until now. I found a recipe on Epicurious for Roasted Beet Salad with Oranges and Beet Greens and it had decent reviews, so I thought, "I am going to try this one more time and if they taste like dirt, well, at least I'll now know what dirt tastes like because I have never tasted dirt before in my life. Ever."

So I made the salad with a few modifications- I didn't have the sweet onion, so I omitted that, and I really just wanted the beets and not the oranges, so I used a little bit of orange juice instead of the orange slices.

OMG. I don't remember ~~dirt~~ beets tasting so good! I really really REALLY enjoyed them. My Mister...not so much. He thought they were good, but they didn't float his boat. HOWEVER. He's not writing this blog so his primitive taste buds don't count. I really liked this salad A LOT. A lot, a lot. I ended up eating most of it last night and then finished it off for lunch today. That's right- I, an avowed beet hater, ate beets TWO DAYS IN A ROW!

And now comes the, "Wow- I did not know that," part. I feel like I should have known this since I am a nutritionist, and I may have learned it many years ago but may have repressed that knowledge along with any memories I may or may not have had about eating dirt. I'm also sure that had I been a beet eater all my life I would have also known this so my ignorance is justified.

Apparently, what goes in purple.....COMES OUT PURPLE. There is no need for alarm. You are not dying. Your intestines are not falling out and you don't have cancer of either the urinary or digestive tracts. There is absolutely no need to call your husband over to take a look and see if he thinks you are dying, as well. NOPE. All completely normal.

And you can take my word for it because I'm a nutritionist. A really really edumacted one.

'Twas the Day Before Christmas...

2011-12-25T06:43:00.001-05:00

...and all through the house, Gege was crocheting, with a baby under her blouse...

Oh yes, my friends. Even though I've been crocheting quite a bit in the last few months (though not quite getting the whole "finishing" thing), I brought out my hooks on Christmas Eve because I was on a mission. An important Christmas mission to save our poor little Charlie Brown tree from looking entirely sad and dejected, not to mention naked. We had the lights. We had the bulbs, though not the hooks for the bulbs, so, you know. We had the lights.

We even had gifts. Or, at least I had some gifts. My Mister didn't because he was married to a Grinch this year who hadn't wrapped any gifts yet. She's just lucky there is something called "expedited shipping," otherwise she would have had a large I.O.U. to give her wonderful, thoughtful, Christmas-loving husband and then have to look at his large, blue eyes, brimming with disappointment, and feebly say, her voice cracking ever so slightly, "Surprise...? Heh...heh.... Ummmm...thank you for all the thoughtful gifts that you bought for me ages ago....yours are on their way....heh! Ummm.....Look what I can do!" and then try tap dancing, but since she has dance moves akin to Elaine on Seinfeld, she just ends up looking like a deranged woman in the midst of a grand mal seizure.

Ahem.

As I was saying. Something we didn't have was a tree skirt for our tree. However! I do have yarn- lots and lots of yarn and so, being the ~~easily distracted~~ innovative girl that I am, and to do some stash busting as well as show Big Mister that having a ginormous yarn stash is actually a good thing, I decided to crank out a Christmas tree skirt. In just over 24 hours.

A largish crochet project? With little time to complete it? And a grumpy, hungry baby to feed all day long, as well? Oh yeah, baby. BRING IT.

I actually started it the night before Christmas Eve, thinking I'd have loads of time to get a huge chunk of it done while Little Mister was sleeping. Especially since we still had some last minute shopping to do on Christmas Eve, including grocery shopping for the amazing Christmas meal that I had not yet planned. Hey- I thrive on stress and am so much more productive when I've procrastinated until the very last moment. Or so I like to tell myself. And I usually believe me, even though I know that I will usually lie to myself in order to make myself feel good. "Oh no, Gege. Of course breastfeeding means you can eat dessert every night without gaining weight since you're burning so many calories. Besides. Nutella and crumpets are healthy. Says so on the container."

I figured I'd use up some of my cotton yarn since I had quite a bit and, if it got too hot under the tree, it wouldn't melt like acrylic. Brilliant! Or so I thought.

You see, I've been crocheting an awful lot of lace weight stuff recently. I have just discovered lace weight and I'm in love, but I'll go more into that later. The point I'm trying to make here is that my fingers have gotten used to luxuriously soft lace weight alpaca and, as such, have become quite the prissy little digits. They scoff at anything so thick and blundering as sock weight, much less the hefty boorishness of worsted weight, so the choice of a worsted weight yarn was bad enough, much less that the yarn was also cotton. *shiver*

You see, crocheting with worsted weight cotton yarn is....oh geez. I can't come up with a metaphor strong enough to convey the torture my poor hands went through while trying to create a little Christmas cheer for my naked little tree. Crocheting with cotton is dumb. And extremely painful. And the fact that cotton becomes like a Chinese finger trap when it is wet making it near impossible to crochet with it at all, much less crochet quickly under pressure when your hands are so wet and clammy because you are afraid you set yourself up an impossible goal and yet you so desperately want some Christmas cheer in your house and so you are going to make this tree skirt RIGHT NOW because the Baby Jesus didn't complain about being wrapped in swaddling clothes, so stop complaining and work those fingers, monkey!

And so I crocheted with the stupid cotton. I could have stopped and used acrylic since I had all the colors I needed, but, what can I say? I'm stubborn and just a wee bit mental, so I continued on and on with the stupid cotton. Did I mention it was stupid?

I restarted 3 times the night before Christmas Eve because I couldn't figure out the right color combination I wanted to use. I had a lot of colors so I thought I'd use them all so that our little tree would look like it threw up a rainbow which was why it had no color on it's branches. But, it just didn't feel right. And My Mister said, "Well, it's nice, but it's not Christmas." So, I decided to do something much more simple- a dark berry red, black, and white to resemble a Santa outfit. Brilliant! (Truth be told, I was stuck on the rainbow throw up...it was My Mister who suggested the red/black/white combo because he wanted a tree that didn't suck.)

First try with a rose color- beginning of rainbow puke

Christmas Eve morning, I was out the gate with 10 rows (out of 30) down. (I'm making a 9-point star, or round ripple, but without closing it.)

Christmas cheer- can you feel it??

Then I had to take a break and go last-minute Christmas shopping (picked up some paperclips to use as ornament hooks, too- take that, Scrooge!), scare Santa,

He has his mother's Christmas cheer. *wiping tear* That's m'boy!

eat lunch, and feed Little Mister a few times. I crocheted a little bit in the car, but still only completed 5 more rows.

15 rows down and a blister starting to form on my thumb. Hard core crochet, y'all.

Little Mister was having a Dickens of a time with his teething and was a complete Scrooge the rest of the afternoon. (HA! See what I did there??) Thankfully Big Mister was home so we could take turns pacifying ~~the beast~~ the poor little guy. However, since I alone have the ability to feed him, I ended up not having much crocheting time, no matter how hard I tried learning how to crochet with my feet.

20 down! THE REST OF MY LIFE TO GO.

By the end of the night, I had run out of the berry so I had to start the white a little earlier than I had anticipated. But, I ended up having 5 rows left when I started the white, so my OCD with numbers was appeased.

I had to stop crocheting and wrap presents so that My Mister wouldn't have that sad, puppy dog look in his eyes as he looked at my ever growing pile of presents. Oh yes- that hard lump of coal where my heart should be had started to soften.

We woke up Christmas morning and I had only one thing on my mind- NEED TO FINISH THAT TREE SKIRT! Who could think of presents when there was crocheting that needed to be done? PUT DOWN THAT STOCKING, MONKEY! No unwrappy until I finish! HI-YA!

I had just over 4 rows to go and crocheted while we watched the online Christmas Eve service of our old church in VA and while Big Mister played with Little Mister and while I ate breakfast and after I fed Little Mister for the second time. Crochet, crochet, crochet!

And finally....I finished!

CHRISTMAS! And Santa! And CHRISTMAS!

So then we could put the presents under the tree.

My Gummy Bear!

Although Little Mister was ashamed that I had not weaved in the ends before putting it in use.

Ughhhhh. What am I going to do with her?

But Santa Koala approved.

I'm a koala and I approve of this skirt.

Merry Christmas, y'all!

All I Want For Christmas Is My Gummy Bear

2011-12-22T22:59:00.000-05:00

So I woke up this morning and was snoozily feeding Little Mister in hopes that he'd fall back asleep but instead I startled him awake with my own ear splitting screech because ~~the little turd~~ my dear sweet darling had gummed me really, really hard. He of course then looked up with me and smiled his heart melting, little gummy smile that he reserves for me alone during feedings. The smile that says, "Oh there you are mama! I missed you!" as well as, "TEEHEE! I'm a carnivore! NOM NOM NOM!"

It's been weeks since he started teething- or at least what I assumed was teething. He has had the droolies, the gnawing on everything in sight, the grumpiness and the clinginess going on. He's been inconsolable at times- usually in the evenings when his daddy gets home which means poor Big Mister rarely gets to see the happy, smiling, laughing little baby I get during the day. Well, for parts of the day, anyway. There are so many times when I know he's tired. I know he's hungry and that nursing him will help make him feel better as well as knock him out cold, thus making me feel better. But he does not want to eat. Nor does he want to sleep. He wants to fuss and be an all around grump for an extra 30 minutes before he finally relents and believes me when I lovingly coo to him, "You're sleepy tired and mama needs you to go to sleep now before her head splits in two and then you'll have to live the rest of your life with the guilt that you killed your mama and you don't want that hanging over your head, do you sweetie pie?"

I've been hoping that his tooth/teeth would hurry up and poke through so that he wouldn't have to greedily shove my hands in his mouth whenever he got them in his iron clad grasp. I've given him all sorts of teething rings and suckers and even tried an icy sock, but all to no avail. The only teething relief he enjoys is human flesh, and as my friends, in-laws, and his doctor have all found out, he latches really well. In the midst of a particularly furious hand-gnawing session, my father-in-law even asked me, "Has he ever...uh....hurt you....uh........," and I let him know that I've been very lucky in that respect.

It's mine! All mine!!

As the days turned into weeks and no teeth showed up, I started second guessing my assessment- perhaps he wasn't really teething, after all. Perhaps I just do have a slobbering grump as a baby who is only truly happy when he's eating or otherwise gnawing on human flesh. Perhaps he's a vampire. I knew I shouldn't have read the Twilight series while pregnant. Wait a second. Does he sparkle in the sunlight?

And then this morning, when I was Skyping with my sister, she took a screenshot of my little Dracula taking a bite out of my hand, which she thought was very funny.

She's so gorgeous that it looks like she's posing even though she's merely laughing at me being turned into the undead.

It was right after this picture was taken that I realized there was a sharp thing in his mouth that was poking me and it kinda hurt. I hope he didn't swallow one of my toenails or something. And then it dawned on me. My Little Gummy Bear finally got his first tooth.

*Quick inhale while fanning my face*

He's growing up too fast!!

*sobbing*

*dawning on me that he wasn't gumming me this morning as he was nursing*

My poor, poor booblies.

I miss my Little Gummy Bear already.

Christmas Time is Here...Happiness and Kangaroos

2011-12-22T02:51:00.000-05:00

We’ve finally unpacked just about every single box and I’ve been trying to get things placed where I think an organized person may put them- not an easy task, let me tell ya. I must admit that getting things situated is a lot easier when My Mister is around to help entertain Little Mister, especially now that he’s discovered a brain splitting, glass shattering, high-pitch squeal and, even more importantly, that he likes it. I put him in his reclining seat with a pile of toys smothering him- most of them playing some sort of musical something or other to try and entertain him for 2 minutes so I can get a few books put away or load the dishwasher or sit like a slack-jawed lump on the couch and try to escape to my happy zone. He LOVES the musical toys- especially my Sing-A-Ma-Jig. He thinks its open mouth means, “Kiss me!” and immediately starts making out with it in a way that makes me veeeery wary of his teenage years.

Because he needs constant entertainment, and because he usually takes 30 minute naps, it’s taken me 2 weeks to finally get my bookshelves in order- alphabetized by author and then by title, unless it’s a series of books, of course. I have really been in a Hercule Poirot mood and bought an extra copy of Hercule Poirot’s Christmas a few weeks back since I knew my original copy had been destroyed many moons ago. Placing my whole collection on the shelves made me wish I could just sit and read a whole book cover to cover in one sitting. Dang- if only Little Mister would react better to the bourbon in his bottle and actually sleep. Ha! Kidding! He doesn’t take a bottle so I drink it first.

So, today I finally became desperate enough to keep him entertained and to keep my eardrums from splitting from the “I AM BOOOOOORED!” screeching that I…..oh man. I can barely get it out. I…went…to the mall. EEEEEP!

As I was walking around, I came to the conclusion that I don’t think I’ve ever been to a mall by myself during the middle of the day. At first I thought I had never been to a mall by myself, but I do remember a Christmas 3 years ago when I had to get My Mister something specific and I knew I would find it there. Shopping. Alone. At a mall. At Christmas!! I’m still in therapy over it.

As I mentioned, our house hasn’t exactly been full of Christmas cheer this year. Even now it’s not very noticeable. Our tree finally arrived on Friday so we put it up and got out the decorations that I bought. However, we really didn’t progress much farther than that. Unfortunately, due to my amazing shopping skills- which actually consist of me seeing something and, like an impulsive 6 year old, throw it in my shopping cart and then dash to the cashier before the anxiety sets in- the bulbs I bought don’t have hooks with which to hang them on the tree. They have these highly annoying silver strings, as if the shiny silver will distract you from the fact that you have to tie 100 little, teeny, tiny strings in order to have some sort of Christmas Cheer in your dry, shriveled, little heart. So. We have 600 cool L.E.D. lights, a string of silver beads, and 10 purple and silver bulbs haphazardly strewn around the tree. Oh- and a silver star because we are Scrooges, not heathens.

I was in such a frenzied state when I went to the mall that I didn’t even remember to pick up a pack of paperclips to use as hooks. All I could think as I carried Little Mister in our Ergo was, “When is he going to start screeching so I can get out of here and go home??”

And then I saw it. The most amazing thing that instantly brought cheer- nay- CHRISTMAS Cheer- to my dry, shriveled little heart. And, I would never have had this miracle happen had I been in the States!

That’s right, folks. It was Santa’s sleigh with his 6 Magical Flying Kangaroos.

Christmas Cheer accomplished.

Now, Russel! Now, Hugh! Now, Nicole, and Keith!
On, Naomi and Tito! Hop away, Hop away, Hop away all!

A Team Effort

2011-12-21T05:48:00.001-05:00

Oh dear internetz full of people who are well rested and ready to face the day. How I envy you. As Little Mister keeps getting bigger and bigger and the months roll by, (seriously?!? Christmas is THIS weekend?? Oh crap.) I can’t help but wonder WHEN THE HECK IS HE GOING TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT?!?

The night before last, I put him down at 6:30 like normal and then he was fussing and wanting to eat at 9:30 and then every hour and half after that. You could set your watch by it. EVERY.NINTEY.MINUTES. Even with his earplugs in, Big Mister was having a difficult time sleeping through the constant noise and earthquake shaking I made getting in and out of bed. No matter how much shaking I make, I know it cannot possibly be as bad as when My Mister moves in bed. I am always afraid that he is going to do his mega flop from his back to his stomach and catapult Little Mister to the ceiling fan.

So, last night we were both so exhausted that we thought we’d be smart and actually go to bed early, though this never seems to work out whenever we try. I don’t know why it is, but we seem to never be able to go to sleep before 11:00. Last night, though, we took our showers at 9 and were in bed by 9:30 and drifting into dreamland by 10. Not as early as we were hoping (we had said we’d be in bed by 8- HA!) but still, an hour earlier than usual is a start.

Now, when we took Little Mister a bath, we had noticed something different….down there….but we didn’t think we should panic just yet- it could just be normal. Just to be sure, My Mister suggested that we (read: Your’s truly) should change Little Mister’s diaper in the middle of the night just to be sure. Since I knew I’d be up anyway, and since I wanted to make sure my little Snuggle Bug was ok, I steeled myself to take one for the team.

After being jolted awake at 11 for his second feeding (first was at 9, before we went to bed), I felt his diaper and thought he could go another few hours before needing a change. Then, at 1:30, I brought him back into bed to feed him again. I was so dang out of it that I decided that, of course he was normal down there, I didn’t need to check. Who needs grandkids, anyway? So I started to crawl out of bed to take him back to his, but I couldn’t get past the foot of our bed. I laid there, curled up in the fetal position at the foot of the bed while Little Mister slept with his arms straight out taking up my whole side of the bed. And I didn’t care. I was falling asleep with all of my body parts to myself and it was OH CRAP. I was jolted out of my sweet slumber by the worst sound possible at that moment. The bubbling farts had sounded the alarm.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I waited a second and thought, it was just one round of bubbling farts. It’s ok for him to sleep in his poop for a few hours because I am so tired and really don’t care if he has poop plastered to his butt in the morning. Sleep now. Chisel poop later.

And then the second round of bubbling farts erupted with the force of Mount St. Helen. And kept going. And going. And then the third wave.

I bounded out of bed and ran to the bathroom to put eye drops in since I fell asleep with my contacts and my eyes were pretty much little raisins in my skull. Then I ran back to the room and shoveled Little Mister off the bed and was about to put him onto his changing table. Big Mister was now awake and dangling from the ceiling fan.

I was too late. The Yellow Spot of Doom had made its presence known and was traveling up Little Mister’s back and down my arms. Worst of all, it had invaded our sheets and was trying to make it to the mattress, but I had anticipated such an attack and had fortified my side with a waterproof mat. Ha! Take that poop!

It was a two-man diaper change emergency. My Mister had to come and put a layer of paper towels down as the first barrier on the changing table. I then was able to put Little Mister, who had still been bubbling in my arms, down and strip off his PJ bottoms. I was about to go for the diaper, but yet ANOTHER round of bubbling farts erupted from Mount Doom. It went on and on and ON. While I was waiting for Shock and Awe to die down, I thought I was having a sleep deprived hallucination when I saw Big Mister spraying the pooped stained sheets with Windex. I’m still not sure why he chose that particular cleaning product. He was either sleep cleaning or he’s possibly part Greek.

The bubbling farts finally ceased and I was able to try to take off his diaper. As soon as I had the front panel down, Fount PeePee decided to help me wash the area. I then knew that everything was a-ok in that area and we could someday have grandkids who will one day avenge us for this fecal attack. Oh how I look forward to that day!

With my poop and urine soaked arms, I decided that it was now or never and called My Mister to help me with the careful extraction of the fullest diaper ever in the whole world. I knew you had to be careful with the fresh, very wet poopy diaper and not just whip it off which would allow the poop to pour out of the diaper and all over Little Mister’s legs and stomach. I am a good student and learned that lesson the first time around last week.

As I finished up with El Pooper, My Mister changed the sheets and we both were finally able to crawl back into bed. I brought Little Mister with me since he was now wide awake and chatting up a storm and could use a nursing nightcap to help him wind down. But, no. He wasn’t hungry and just wanted to babble and giggle and then punch his daddy in the nose. And we laughed.

My Mister: You are just lucky you make us laugh.

Little Mister: *giggle* *cooo*

Me: curled up in fetal position at the foot of the bed.

Cockroaches and Spiders and Toilets, Oh My!

2011-12-16T23:18:00.001-05:00

Great googally moogally. There be some big and scurry critters up in this place. If you follow me on twitter (which you should totally be doing, by the way. All the cool kids are doing it and you want to be cool, dontcha? DONTCHA?!? Peer pressure. Best.Invention.Ever.) Where was I? Oh yes, twitter. If you follow me on twitter, you would have seen pictures from my house of gigantic cockroaches and scary black Red Back spiders that have made me scream loud enough for my mom in New Mexico to perk her ears up in a, “HARK! My baby calleth! She must have seen a bug!” sort of way. Mommy-ears. I now totally get it.

TWO INCH FLYING COCKROACH!! I think it ate my cat.

ANYwho. The important part of that paragraph (other than the peer pressure you feel to follow me on twitter, like all the smart, good-looking, cool kids do), is that I am from New Mexico. No. I am not Mexican. Nor do I speak Spanish. Except for the two years I took in high school and the one semester in college that I took with My Mister when we were still dating so that we could have a class together. All together now: Awwwww.

Actually, that semester in college really came in handy for both My Mister and me when we were in Spain a few years back. We were with his parents and had stopped at a nursery for some long-forgotten reason. No- we were not trying to buy a Spanish kid- we could have done that in NM. It was the kind of nursery where you buy trees. Work with me here.

All I remember is that I had to pee like RIGHT NOW and pulled out my, “Donde esta el

baño?” from my high school Spanish days. The lady behind the register told me it was around the side of the building and then continued with whatever she was doing. What she failed to tell me, and even I with my limited Spanish would have known if she had, was that you didn't need a key to get into the bathroom, but she had to give you the freakin’ doorknob in order to exit said establishment.

OH YES. The understanding. It dawns on you.

I did my peepee dance on over to el baño and thought it was weird that there was no doorknob but only hoped that nobody would walk past and look into the hole where the doorknob should be and see my, “This is how I spell relief” face. Once I was done and was ready to exit el bano, I then noticed that I WAS LOCKED IN A BATHROOM IN SPAIN.

I started looking around me to think of ways to MacGyver my way out if needed, but was hoping that someone would walk by and I could get their attention and not need to knock down the bathroom door. As if on cue, a car pulled up and my would-be saviors got out of the car. HOWEVER. I did not call for help. It was a car full of four, young Spanish guys and I decided I would rather die of starvation in the Spanish bathroom than die of embarrassment from calling them over. Egads.

About 10 minutes later, just as I was about to use the plunger to knock out the small vent on the bottom of the door, along came my Knight in Shining Armor. My Mister came along and was calling me. I guess he finally figured out that I said I needed to pee, not that I had Montezuma’s revenge which necessitated 15 minutes on the toilet. Besides- that’s from the wrong Spanish speaking nation. Not every Spanish speaker is from Mexico. Racists.

A few moments later, My Mister arrived with the doorknob and let me out of my Spanish prison.

After thanking him and kissing him profusely, I asked how he was able to get the door knob and he very proudly replied that he told the cashier lady, “Mi esposa esta en el baño y no puede abrir la puerta.” Which very roughly translates to, “My wife iz purdy but she sho’ iz dumb.”

ANYwho. That whole long digression brings me back to New Mexico where our first rattles come from snakes and giant wolf spiders, great big grizzly bears, and black widows are found in our backyards and we eat scorpions for breakfast. Hey. Anything with green chile on it is cool in my book.

That being said, I must say that I have only ever seen a black widow spider maybe five times in my entire life. They are very venomous- a bite can be fatal- but I never ever feared going outside barefooted and running through our barn or climbing trees, having rock fights, or riding bikes down stuckoed stairways on the side of restaurants. (Yes- I did do that. My 7th grade yearbook picture shows the large head wound I incurred from that not-so-bright decision. My brother still laughs at me to this day.)

THAT BEING SAID.

I am SCARED OUT OF MY WITS to go outside in my backyard and into our shed. The exterminator came by yesterday and found 3 Red Back Spiders (the Black Widow’s Australian cousin) on my backyard gate alone. There was another 2 that came out of hiding outside my living room window. I’ve seen five of those scary man-eaters in 10 minutes versus five Black Widows in my ENTIRE LIFE.

I feel a little safer now that my house has been sprayed down, but still. DUDE. If there was a Red Back Spider in that Spanish bathroom, I could guarantee that I would not have needed anybody saving me- I would have had that door down in a minute flat and barreled my way back home to NM where the chile is hot, the girls are dumb, and the spiders know to stay out of sight.

Red Back Spider from outside my living room window. ALL THE BUGGIES DIE!!!

Christmas Memories from The Grinch

2011-12-13T06:57:00.001-05:00

I finally did it. It was under threat of family abandonment and after a flurry of increasingly urgent emails, but I finally did it. Last night, I made up my Christmas wish list. Whew!

At risk of sounding Grinchy, I have not thought a whit about Christmas and to say I do not have the Christmas Spirit this year is like saying Santa has Type II Diabetes due to eons of gorging on cookies and milk set out by greedy boys and girls around the world. Yeah- that's right. Go ahead and continue stuffing him full of cookies- what's it to me if he goes into a diabetic coma while flying over Sacramento? I'm the Grinch! And I like my itty bitty teeny tiny heart! BAH HUMBUG!

Ah dang- getting my Christmas villains mixed up. MUST.SLEEP.MORE.

This holiday season has been the farthest thing from my mind, especially since I know that Santa doesn't deliver sleep on Christmas morning. I spent way too many years as a kid forcing my parents' eyelids open so we could unwrap our loot to ever think I'd be able to sleep in on Christmas morning. One year for my birthday I received an AM/FM microphone where, with the correct frequency, you could turn your radio into your own personal record studio. I'm pretty sure my parents really regretted that present on Christmas morning when their bedroom radios were playing non-stop, "IT'S CHRISTMAS!! IS IT TIME TO WAKE UP YET?? IT'S 4:30!!!!" and then, "HOW ABOUT NOW? IT'S 4:35!!!!!"

Of the three of us siblings, being the oldest, it was my duty to get the ball rolling whenever questions needed to be asked, boundaries needed to be pushed, and presents to be discovered and covertly unwrapped/wrapped back up prior to Christmas morning. I think the only year I was unable to locate our presents was the year our mom hid them in the barn. I always wondered why our gifts smelled slightly of animal poop. Dang- she was a genius.

I was a pro at sllllooooooowly pulling the tape off of the wrapping as to not tear it and then rewrapping it once we found out what it was. My sister, unfortunately, could not keep her 4-year-old trap shut and would rat me out if my mom asked her point blank if we found them. I remember being so mad at her and saying, "I told you you got Bianca the Mouse and you still told on me?? I will remember this and blog about it someday so that everyone in the world will know what a Christmas ruiner you are!"

Ok, maybe I didn't say the last part, but it really was Bianca the Mouse- a detail like that is seared in my mind after such a heinous sisterly betrayal. And then my brother and I would shun her and she would cry and then my mom would get mad at us and take away our presents so that she was the only one who would have any since she was ~~such a reliable rat~~ so honest and pure.

As we got older, our love and impatience for Christmas morning never waned and we all would try to catch our mom filling our stockings in the wee hours of the morning and always just miss her. Each year promising that we would not attempt to wake them up before 6am and each year say, "Well, 5:45 is almost 6!" Each year dumping out our stockings so we could chew a piece of Double Bubble while sorting out our gifts into piles so we could count who had the most gifts and each year my bro and I would gripe that our sister once again had the most.

Those Christmas memories are some of my favorite memories and I must admit to being transported back to our childhood where we three were always cooking up something mischevious and fun. Ahh- to have the childlike love and purity during this season. That's what's been missing. I thought it was the weather that was missing- how can it be Christmas when it's 100 degrees outside? I thought it was the lack of Christmas music blaring in all the stores since October. I thought it was the lack of Christmas decorations since My Mister decided at the last minute to put all of our decorations into storage* which means we have no evidence of Christmas AT ALL in our house as of yet.

Yes, it is a little of all of those things, but it's mostly that I've grown up and have grown up worries and stressors and have lost my focus as I wearily stumble through my day. I just need a change of focus right now. Instead of being the little girl who tried catching her mommy fill the stockings, I'm now the mommy and will one day have stockings to fill for my Little Mister. So, even though I'm not currently bursting at the seams with Christmas joy at this moment, I do now have a little child in my life who will one day try waking me up at 4am to open up his gifts and who CANNOT.WAIT. for Christmas to get here. I'll get to relive some of my memories as he's making his and I must admit, that does fill me with joy.

So, for that chubby-cheeked, almond-eyed little boy, I'm not letting this Christmas sneak past me, no matter how warm the weather or decoration-less we may be. My wish list was filled with things for him (and a little for me- that greedy little girl hasn't completely disappeared) and it'll be fun to see him playing with the wrapping paper and taking pictures of him with bows on his head (no matter how much his dad may complain). We ordered a tree online and will hopefully get it this week. I've scored some decorations that were on sale while grocery shopping the other day, so we'll at least have a little evidence of Christmas fairly soon. And I've got the best husband in the whole world who has been mischievously giggling as boxes come in the mail since he hasn't forgotten about Christmas this year and has been buying me gifts for a while. (I know- how does a Grinch like me deserve a Who like him?)

So, with only 12 days left til Christmas, I'm going to try to bring back those childhood memories, starting with all of our favorite Christmas cartoons. Bring on Rudolph, Charlie Brown, Garfield, Frosty, and even The Grinch! I'll leave you with one of my favorite scenes from A Claymation Christmas- makes me laugh each time. :)

* Even though I griped at him when our stuff got here and I realized that we didn't have our Christmas decorations, I really can't blame him for this decision- Australia has some of the strictest import and quarantine guidelines in the world. We didn't have time to go through our decorations to ensure our stuff wouldn't be delayed because we didn't take out the wreath that had a pinecone in it. Also, our lights wouldn't have run without using a transformer, anyway, so we would have to buy new lights regardless. All this to say, we'll begin making new Christmas memories this year, which is a good thing.

Welcome Home

2011-12-06T04:08:00.001-05:00

Thank you to all you fellow mothers who have been giving me encouragement during these sleep-less days and reinforcing the fact that these days only seem interminable but will in actuality eventually end... one of these days. One of these long, long, never ending days I will indeed get more than 1-2 hours of sleep at a time. The crazy thing is that, cumulatively, I actually get around 8 hours of sleep. However, the constant waking up and never getting into a deep sleep really takes its toll, ya know?

These last couple weeks have been some of THE.WORST. in the sleep department. Whenever I hear, "He's 4 months old and still eating every 2 hours? Really? My little angel was sleeping 12 hours straight at 3 months. *smirky smirk*" I just want to ever so maturely, in my best grown up voice, tell them, "Yeah. Well you're ugly and so is your kid." And then moon them.

Even though I've been the embodiment of The Walking Dead, these last couple weeks weren't as bad as they could have been. My in-laws came for a 10 day visit for Thanksgiving which ended up being a huge blessing. Little Mister started waking up at 6am and wanted to tell us all about the awesome raves he attended in his dreams- complete with all the dance moves he learned- and I would weep as I realized my baby had better dance moves than me. My Mister would take him to the living room and let me sleep for an hour at which time Little Mister was ready for his early morning nap. He would eat and then sleep until 9am. This is his longest nap of the day and the only time I can "sleep when he sleeps." (And, yes, I may be a new mom, but I do know that I should attempt to "sleep when he sleeps." However, he takes 30-60 minute naps during the day. As soon as I close my eyes or get into a deep sleep (which is usually the same thing), he wakes up and I get a pounding headache. I feel more groggy and less rested than if I had just stayed up. Argh.)

Once he and I woke up, I'd bring him into the living room and let Grandma and Grandpa play with and entertain him until the next feeding time. I was able to get a little "me" time and for that I was very thankful. It was also nice to have help in the kitchen to prepare the Thanksgiving meal. I knew it was going to be a challenge not only because of Little Mister being a new addition to the equation, but also because all of my kitchen stuff was still en route and I had to do the best I could with very limited tools. It was quite funny, actually. We had to use the same pot- including washing it in between each dish- to boil the sweet potatoes, the regular potatoes (for mashed taters), the spinach (for creamed spinach...which I ate a little bit and then paid for it with a humungous diaper explosion from Little Mister the next day), and the brussels sprouts. It was also funny planning out how to cook/bake everything in the little teeny tiny hot-box they call an oven over here. (For reals- I had to use my neighbor's oven to cook the sweet potatoes since only the turkey fit in mine.)

The day after they left, another huge blessing occurred- our household items FINALLY made it here!!!! WHOOOO HOOOOO! For the first time in 3 months, we were able to sleep in our own bed and eat on our own plates and even use our own toilet paper. Yes. We shipped over some Charmin since we learned the Aussies are not privy to the opulent, spongy, cloud-like pleasure wiping one's butt can be.

So, we've been unpacking all weekend long and are just about finished. I must admit that it's kinda fun deciding where our stuff should go and it was like an early Christmas as we opened up boxes and said, "Why did we bring this crap?"

The best thing of all is that my yarn is back home!!! YAY!!! Ahhh....How I missed my precioussss. However, I was very distraught to learn that not ALL of my yarn made it here. I have A LOT of yarn. A lot, a lot. But, I also know what yarn I have and I could definitely tell that some of it was missing. I had quite a bit of brown wools (used to make several of my purses) as well as a great stash of the pink yarn for my Felted Watermelon Tote. They didn't make it. (Well, some of the pink did, but not all of it.) Honestly, had it not been some of the yarn that I use most often, I wouldn't have been so upset, but those happen to be the two colors that I use the most. A.R.G.H.

Another HUGE bummer- one that I don't know if I'll ever get over- is that a selection of my favorite books did not make it. I had set aside a collection of my favorite books to be mailed here when we packed out of our house so that I could read them during our 3 month wait time. Well, due to time and weight constraints, those books ended up having to be shipped here. HOWEVER, much to my dismay, that box must have gotten mixed up with the boxes sent to storage and now I don't know when I'll see them again. Many of them were my comfort and escape books- ones I've read numerous times like Jane Eyre, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. I AM SO BEYOND UPSET ABOUT THIS.

As I contemplate how I'm going to survive without some of my best literary friends, I can take comfort in knowing that our new home is starting to truly feel like "home" now. It's weird seeing our stuff in new places- and I'll readily admit I became a little weepy as I was unpacking and picturing each item in its place in our old home- but it sure does feel good having some familiarity around me now.

So, as I'm off to face another night cycle of sleep-wake-weep, at least I can do it on my own bed, snuggling next to My Mister while holding our new baby. Welcome home, Gege. Welcome home.

Mommy Time

2011-11-17T21:06:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the sporadic blogging as of late. It goes with my sporadic mental and physical capabilities, not to mention my sanity. Dude. How can such a little person demand so much time and energy? I've just spent the past 3 hours trying to get him to take a nap. I tried nursing him, rocking him, singing to him, downing a fifth of whiskey....NOTHING WORKED!

I know he was tired- it wasn't just my wishful thinking- yet he just refused to sleep unless it was in my arms. The kid weighs 19 pounds (yes, at 4 months- I wasn't kidding when I called him my Baby Huey. The kid can eat.) and I've got a crick in my neck from holding and jiggling him around for the past 13 months (heck yes I'm counting pregnancy! I'm not letting him live that down!) Although I love him to bits and I love him when he's a happy baby (which, thankfully, is more often than not) and I enjoy playing with him and finding new tickle spots to hear him laugh with his gummy little mouth, I am ashamed to admit that I can't help thinking, "How can I knock him out so I can have some ME time?!?"

I have discovered that I am the most selfish person in the whole world and am obviously not cut out for the very selfless occupation of motherhood but it's too late to give him back and I don't think I can shove him back up the way he came down even if I tried. And then I think how precious he is and how much I love him and how the heck can I possibly think of going back to living without him in my life and I end up flogging myself for being the worst mother in the whole world. AND THEN HE STARTS TEETHING. Oh dear God the crankiness and the clingy-ness. I'm nursing around the clock to try and pacify him only to discover that he'd rather suck on my fingers than my boobies and I wish I would have discovered that before he started reacting in fear whenever I whip out a boob because even babies can get scared of the deranged topless woman chasing them about saying, "Just put it in your mouth and go to sleep!!!"

AND NOW HE WOKE UP! Three paragraphs! That's all I got out before The Cranky Wonder woke up from his "nap." More like a "I'll-close-my-eyes-for-a-minute-to-trick-her-into-thinking-she-can-have-time-away-from-me-and-then-I'll- yell-SURPRISE!!!-I'm-awake-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it!"

(I just placed him on his playmat so I can at least hopefully finish this blog post. I'm also ignoring his fussy "almost" cries but will leap into action when they turn into "for reals" cries.)

Oh crap. The "real" cries.

So much for Mommy Time.

A Sleep Disturbance In the Force

2011-11-06T22:32:00.000-05:00

Ok. I’m back from my mini-blogging sabbatical. It was a necessary break, especially since I’m not sure if my fingers would have been able to get out any coherent words from my extremely sleep deprived brain. I wasn’t kidding when I said this lack of sleep thing was getting to me. I’ve been speaking to people and have been at a loss for words- common words like “book” and "the"- and have had a very difficult time keeping track of the days of the week. However, when Big Mister asked if I wanted him to hold Little Mister and walk him around since he was being fussy and not falling asleep and my reply was, “I don’t know. Just throw him in the river,” and then burst into tears, I realized that I REALLY needed sleep.

I’ve been “surviving” on one hour chunks of sleep at a time for the last (almost) 4 months. The crazy thing is that Little Mister has been a good sleeper; however he likes to eat. A LOT. He’s been doing great sleeping in his crib from around 7pm to midnight or so, but as I said before, I’ve not been going to bed until 11, so that is the first 1 hour chunk of sleep. Once I bring Little Mister back to bed with us since I’m so tired and groggy, he likes to eat every 1-2 hours until Big Mister’s alarm goes off. I AM DYING.

In a moment of lucidity, I wondered if the fact that I was keeping him in bed with us was part of the problem. I mean, he couldn’t really be STARVING every 1-2 hours, right? He’s just sleeping and bumps into me and realizes how convenient it is to have his food right there. Think about it- if you were sleeping and had a jonsing for a midnight snack but were too lazy to get up and get one so you turned over in your sleep and Hallelujah! There's a Snickers bar poking you in the eye! Wouldn’t you just thank your lucky stars, open your greedy little mouth, and chomp away? Exactly! So I can’t blame the little guy for eating all night long when my Snickers bars keep poking him in the eye every time he turns in his sleep. Light bulb moment, folks.

So, this past week I wised up and thought I’d go to bed at 8 to try to get in a good 4 hour chunk. As I laid in bed with my eyes closed and my brain refusing to shut down until 11, I couldn’t help but think of all the things I could be doing since I didn’t have a baby attached to me. (I also dreamt up many new designs…one of which I finished yesterday and am starting the second one to test the pattern. Kuddles- you up for testing sometime in the next couple weeks??). When I finally fell asleep, it was time to bring little Mister back to bed and feed him. He ate and fell back asleep and I put him back in his crib, hoping to cut off his Snickers addiction. I blearily got back into bed and was trying to fall back asleep when this horrendously loud snarling Tasmanian Devil war cry started reverberating around the room. How was I going to fall asleep with a warring faction of Tasmanian Devils on the loose in my room??? When my brain kicked in, I realized it was my Mister who was snoring like he was out to win a snoring competition.

AND INHALE *snort up living creatures and gargle with them* AND EXHALE *bark like a seal and blow raspberries on the windows*

OH DEAR GOD IT WAS LOUD.

I remembered I had bought some Breathe Right strips at the end of my pregnancy since My Mister said I started snoring at night. So I crept into the bathroom and dug around until I found them. I then tried to stealthfully ninja attack Big Mister’s nose with one of the strips. I peeled the backing off the sticky side, placed it on his nose and then pinched it with all the strength of millions of sleep deprived mothers everywhere. IT WORKED! The awful sound stopped! Big Mister jolted out of sleep scared out of his wits and was pawing at his injured nose. I swatted his hand away and stage whispered, “LEAVE IT ON! YOU WERE SNORING AND THIS WILL HELP YOU SLEEP!” because I’m a good wife and only care for his health and well being.

He must have believed me because he turned over and fell right back asleep. NO MORE SNORING! Score one for ninja nose pinching!

I crawled back in bed and finally started dozing off when Little Mister realized he didn’t have a Snickers bar in his eye. GAH!

I persevered this week, however, and continued to put Little Mister back in his crib after feeding him. It seems to be working- the last few nights he woke at 12:30, 4:30, and then 7:30. (!!!!) AMAZING!!!!

I’m not rejoicing just yet, however, since he’s done this before- had a “routine” for a couple days and then WHAPOW! Let’s change it up just for the heck of it!! HAHA! Sleep depriving mommy is fun! Teach her to take away my Snickers!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anywho…hopefully things will start to improve this week. I truly am an addled brained mess right now but I’m going to try and go to bed at 8 at least once or twice this week and will be back with my Weekly Meal Planning next week. (As an aside- this dairy free thing is working so well! No more bloody stools and even the frequency of Little Mister’s marathon pooping has decreased! Although, it might have been better when he pooped all day long rather than in just a couple bursts throughout the day since he’s now having diaper blowouts nearly everyday. Like this past Friday at my Friday Fibre Friends group. It wasn’t too terrible until I realized that I pulled my favorite noob mommy mistake and didn’t pack him an extra pair of clothes….AGAIN. When will I learn???!?)

Just because I'm wearing a cute beanie doesn't take away from the fact that I'm naked, mother.

* NOTE: Just because I know Big Mister will be mortified to know I told the world he sounded like a Tasmanian Devil in heat, I want to let y'all know that he does not usually snore. But when he does, he wins competitions. He's THAT good. (War cry...in heat...same diff.)

*Double note: Cute green knitted beanie was made by new Fibre Friend Miranda who is one heck of a talented, crafty lady!

Things to Do In the Car

2011-10-26T10:36:00.001-04:00

Today I spent the day sticking bamboo shoots in my nail beds. Oh wait. I mean cleaning my house. So I spent the evening crocheting (finishing up a möbius wrap for my sis- need to mail it soon!) and then started back up on damnyouautocorrect. I LOVE THAT SITE! This one just cracked me up b/c it's something that I might say....for reals. Teehee!

Best Laid Plans and All That

2011-10-25T08:02:00.000-04:00

So, I planned my weekly menu yesterday counting on being fed tonight but, being the ~~ravenous~~ smart girl that I am, I planned for some sort of cheese heavy meal and ate dinner prior to going. Well, I ate a bowl of cereal, actually, just in case there was some delicious dessert that would be offered and I could snarf it down guilt-free. (FYI- I've been using rice milk in my cereal and I must admit I really really like it. It may be a challenge for me to go back to skim milk once Little Mister outgrows his allergy. Rice- it does a palate good.)

Well. The "food" offered? CHEESE AND CRACKERS! With some cream filled cookies to tempt the gourmands in attendance. Smart girl, indeed.

So, this means that we weren't able to eat dinner and I had to move up my plans for the Thai Basil Beef meal I was planning on cooking tomorrow. This happened to be the best decision EVER! That meal was DA BOMB and I don't usually say DA in real life unless I'm in a wool induced coma and am all, "DAAAAAAAA," with drool dripping down my chin.

We got home later than our usual dinner time and I was really afraid that Little Mister was not going to handle it well. He has his cranky time around 6:30/7pm if we don't nail his nighttime feeding just right and he had already fallen asleep in the car after sucking his poor little fists at the "party" until they were little bitty nubs. My poor poor hungry little nubby-handed boy.

FYI: I am totally blessed with my Little Mister. He is actually a really REALLY good baby. He only gets fussy when he's hungry, but if he's tired and hungry, he transforms into El Diablo. Takes after his mom in that respect. Because of that, I get VERY anxious if we are out anywhere during The Cranky Hour because he's such a happy little chap if I feed him right away and he will actually fall asleep by himself in his crib without fussing IF I time it just right. Well, at least that's been happening for the last few days. With his track record, that may very well change tomorrow. The only thing predictable about him is that he's unpredictable. So, as you can imagine, I was getting just a wee bit anxious the longer we stayed out tonight. Thankfully I didn't insult anyone we met (I hope) but I know I interrupted a few people while I tried to get Big Mister's attention as Little Mister's hand started disappearing down his gullet. ("Honey? I think we have to leave pretty soon." "Uh, Mister? it's almost time to go." "HEY! WE NEED TO GO NOW. Thank you. Teehee."

So, we finally get home and Big Mister is hungry so I start making the Thai Basil Beef meal since Little Mister was still asleep in his car seat. I was able to get a pot of water boiling and put the meat in the pan when the frightened, panicked cries of my sweet Little Diablo let me know that we would have to wait a little longer for dinner.

Well! Big Mister was way too hungry to wait for me to finish feeding our little guy, so I told him what to do- just follow the recipe and make the dinner. (He ran interference for me and changed Little Mister's diaper and put his pajamas on which gave me enough time to get the asparagus washed and trimmed, but not cut, so Big Mister had some prep work ahead of him.)

Now, just so you can understand the magnitude of this: Big Mister does not like cooking. DOES NOT. I would ask him to help me make a lasagna by grating the cheese for me, you know- thinking it would be all romantic and stuff. He ended up buying the cheese that was already sliced just to get out of it. The closest he gets to "helping" me in the kitchen is tasting the food for me for Quality Control. This is why his offer to help me cook our Valentine's Day mea l is such a huge, romantic ordeal. It's a real big sacrifice on his part and I love him for it. (That being said, he does do the grilling. Must be a man thing.)

JUST SO YOU KNOW- as a testament to both how hungry My Mister was (although he doesn't transform to a murderous snarling creature from the underworld as I have been known to do), AND how very easy this meal was to prepare, HE COOKED OUR DINNER TONIGHT!!

DUDE!!!!

Granted, he did have to go back and forth from the kitchen to the bedroom to ask me questions, but the fact remains that, when given enough motivation, My Mister can cook me dinner!!! DOES HE REALIZE THE POWER HE'S GIVEN ME?!?!

Thai Basil Beef...totally DA BOMB.

Weekly Menu

2011-10-24T08:42:00.000-04:00

Alllllrighty then. So my menu planning is a day late, but it ends up being a good thing for me since I would have planned a meal for tomorrow night but found out today that we have a thing we have to attend at which they will be serving food. FREE FOOD. Oh yeah, baby. I’m all up in that bizniz. I don’t have to cook and it’s FREE. However, if it is free and full of cheese, I may very well become very cranky and make a terrible first impression on these people and that would be….not.good.captain.

I can just see it now- I’ll be tired and starving- already a recipe for disaster- and they’ll serve pizza and cheesecake and say nice things like, “So nice to meet you!” And I’ll reply, “Whatever, queer. This party blows and I hope you choke on your delicious pizza and gooey cheesy goodness. Loser.” And then My Mister will be ashamed and shout to the heavens, “WHY?! Why did I have to marry a cheese lover?? WHYYY???” while shaking his fists in despondence.

So, in other words, please pray that they have some dairy free foods for me because seeing My Mister shaking his fists in despondence may make me laugh and that won’t be good for our marriage since you should never laugh at your husband when he is despondent.

ANYwho… I’ll only be cooking twice this week, which is awesome. Although I do enjoy cooking, I also enjoy spending time with both my Misters while relaxing and letting the microwave do its magic, ya know?

Tonight we had leftovers from the Lecso I made on Saturday. We loved it! Definitely going into my regular rotation- thanks Kara! I used both red and green peppers, canned tomatoes, and ended up using brown rice instead of Jasmine since I ran out of Jasmine when I made the paella. For those of you who don’t think you’ll like brown rice, try making it with chicken or beef broth for some amazing flavor. Seriously- every time I make brown rice, My Mister always mentions how good it is. Give it a try! For those vegetarians out there, instead of chicken or beef broth, you should probably suck on some rocks because what good is life if you can’t eat dead animals? I’m already giving up the cow juice but it will be a cold day in hell before I give up the entire cow.

For Wednesday, I am going to try Thai Basil Beef with Rice Noodles from Cooking Light. (OH LOOK! A cow!) Looks promising and I have been in the mood for Asian food lately, so crossing my fingers that this will be a winner.

For Friday, I’m breaking out the slow cooker and making a beef pot roast. (MORE COW!) I’ll trim the fat and then season it with salt, pepper, rosemary, thyme, and garlic and brown it on all sides before placing it in the slow cooker. I’ll cut up some potatoes and add some baby carrots and sliced onions and then place the beef on top. Throw in a couple bay leaves and about 1/2C beef broth and set it on slow for ~6 hours. I’ll serve a side salad and some bread to sop up the juice. I’ll also make a packet of brown gravy…hopefully I can find them here. No added fat and VERY tasty.

I’m always on the lookout for some good crock pot recipes. Have any to share?? Also, I’m really looking for a good meatloaf recipe. I remember how my mom would make them when I was a kid but, even though she’s an amazing cook, meatloaf wasn’t one of my favorites. I’ve actually never made one since we’ve been married and I’d really like to give it a go. So, if you have a good meat loaf recipe, please let me know!!

Til next time....

Sunday Randomness

2011-10-23T09:47:00.002-04:00

So my Weekly Meal Planning is going to be a day late since I didn't have time to get my menus ready. Ok, that's a lie. I had time but I actually spent the evening on DamnYouAutoCorrect and have been dying of laughter. Seriously- if you are having a bad day, just go to that website and I dare you to not feel better.

* Friday Fibre Friends was fun. I learned how to make felt out of wool roving using a wet felting technique. In all honesty, I'm not exactly sure what I would do with a piece of felt, but I'm very proud to say that, being the ~~neurotic~~ ~~competitive~~ quick learner that I am, I totally made my piece of useless felt faster than anyone else. OH YEAH! And, if my new Fibre Friends are now reading this, BOO YAH! If you're going to party with The Gege, you have to BRING IT! *touchdown dance*

Ahem.

I mean, that was fun, girls! We should totally do it again sometime!

* In exploring our new town yesterday, we found this little Fish-n-Chips joint which had some great traditional British Fish-n-Chips run by a Vietnamese family in the middle of Australia. My world has gotten bigger and smaller all at the same time. The best part was being schooled by their cute little 4-year old girl on how to speak Australian properly:

Girl: (eating fried egg with ketchup on it) Do you like egg?
Me: I sure do! You like it with ketchup?
Girl: It's tomato sauce
Me: Oh! Tomato sauce.
Girl: NO! *rolls eyes* To-MAH-to sauce.
Me: *dying of laughter*

(That's how Australians say ketchup- don't say you never learned anything on this blog!)

* I'm working on my Peppermint Hat pattern because it's been requested by one of my long-time readers. I'll hopefully have it ready in the next couple weeks. (Once I'm done, she will be testing the pattern for me- Thanks, Brooke!) I also noticed that an anonymous reader left a comment about my Holy Julie Newmar cat hat pattern and requested a video on how to do it, so that will be coming down the pike, too. Although, I think we shipped our video camera, so videos will have to wait until our stuff comes in. I can't believe how long it takes for things to get here! I mean, come on people!! 2011!!! Shouldn't we have that teleportation device working by now?!?

* I'm loving the daytime television out here. It's like I teleported back to 1992. Murder She Wrote (I LOOOOVE THIS SHOW! It's my all-time favorite. Not even kidding. Talk smack about J.B. Fletcher and I will cut you.), Animaniacs, Diagnosis Murder, Perfect Strangers (DANCE OF JOY, BALKI!) and my personal favorite, MacGyver. YUM. When we were younger, my sister thought I had the worst taste in men when I told her I had a crush on MacGyver. I thought that it was again proof that she was adopted until she pointed to the TV and said, "REALLY?? Him???" and I died laughing because we were watching COLUMBO at the time. Now, I'll admit that Columbo has that sexy lazy eye thing going on, but nothing can beat the MacGyver Mullet!!! How she got the two mixed up, I'll never know, but I wasn't able to look at Peter Falk the same way again.

* I made the mistake of telling My Mister that I had a crush on MacGyver. Granted, I've told him that numerous times- like when we see MacGruber on SNL, or if we use duct tape, or if Columbo is on- but now he seems to get a wee bit jealous just because I told him I had to get off the phone with him because MacGyver was going to start. He actually turned the channel this weekend when he saw it was on but he turned it back when I ~~threatened to rip his arm off~~ pointed out there was nothing else on. Oh dear silly Mister! You're the only mullet...err I mean man...for me!

* Gotta go to bed now- My Mister Mullet is waiting for me. ;)

Unicorn Farts

2011-10-20T07:21:00.000-04:00

In my quest to start looking on the bright side of things (Egads! The Light! It burns!), I must admit that I am happy to be in the southern hemisphere at this time of year. While I love autumn- the crisp cool air, the gorgeous colors as the leaves turn- one thing I really missed this year was summer. I kinda was a huge, angry, depressed pregnant woman for the beginning of summer, and an emotionally unstable, freaked out, new mother for the second half. I didn't get to enjoy the sun and warmth and swimming pools and summer camp with the Middle School Youth Group, which was the first camp in 5 years I missed. (When I realized the first group of Middle Schoolers I had in my cabin are now in college, I felt REALLY REALLY OLD.)

However, now that I'm in the Land Down Under, I GET A DO OVER!!! It's now spring and getting warmer as summer is quickly approaching. I get to enjoy the sun and warmth AND the really cool aquatic center here in town. I'm actually quite looking forward to taking Little Mister for swimming lessons. Granted, my Baby Huey is slightly on the large side so he'll either sink like a rock or float with all of his cute baby blubber. Either way, I'm hoping he'll be like his mom and dad and be an adept water baby.

Another good thing is that I received a special package today- an important package that will help me get back to a more familiar Normal. Oh yes, my friends. I received my sports bra in the mail today. Woot. (Not WOOT! just quite yet....baby steps, people! Baby steps!) Right before we left, I went to Nordstroms and got measured for a proper fitting nursing bra. Since I'm an odd size, I've not been able to find a proper fitting nursing bra at the regular stores, which may have contributed to my emotionally instability, but for sure contributed to my quadroboobs. After finding my proper size, which made me giggle in astonishment and text furiously to My Mister and my Sister, "YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!" and then I promptly fainted when I found out the price of a properly fitting nursing bra at Nordstroms. I may have mentioned once or twice before I DO NOT LIKE SHOPPING. I am soooo not a shopper and thus, very much NOT the type of person who buys things at Nordstroms on a normal basis....or ever. I think my most expensive piece of undergarments was my sports bra from Walmart which set me back a whopping 10 bucks. Yeah. Not a shopper.

Anywho, once armed with my proper bra size, I really needed to find a properly fitting sports bra since my Walmart brand specials were no longer able to contain my newly acquired boobage. So, for those of you who are also odd sizes, I really recommend www.herroom.com. I SO much prefer shopping online to an actual store. I spent the same amount on my sports bra as I did with my Nordstroms bra; however, since I bought it online, it was like pretend money since real money can't go through phone lines. Sillies.

ANYwho, now that I have my properly fitting sports bra, I can now start exercising again, and that, my friends, is a very good thing. The unicorn farts are coming.

Just So You Know

2011-10-19T07:01:00.000-04:00

I was talking to my sister today which is one of my all-time favorite pastimes. She is quite a talker and is quite possibly the funniest and wittiest girl I’ve ever known. She has the ability to be entertaining without being annoying and she has the best superpower ever- she can totally put a person down hardcore and yet still have people laugh and love her. I don’t know how she does it- I make fun of someone’s hair and people call me mean. She does it and they love her, buy her things, and make her queen. It’s the most awesome ability and I’m quite jealous about it. (For those of you who read my blog and know my sister- am I right or am I right?? Oh forget it- you’re the ones who made her queen- of course you’ll agree she’s awesome.)

One of the hardest parts of this move for me was that I couldn’t stuff her in one of my luggages and bring her with me. I do miss her so! Thank the Lord for Skype since we’re able to text and talk to each other regularly. And now that we finally have our internet service hooked up, we can do video Skype, as well! Yay! Although, it’s usually during the afternoon for her and bright and early for me which means she’s looking all kinds of beautiful and I’m a bed-headed bedraggled mess. There was an episode of The Jetsons where Jane Jetson talks to her friend bright and early in the morning and says, “I need to put on my face,” and she pulls out this mask which conforms perfectly to her face transforming her from a morning mess to Beautiful Jane Jetson. Yeah. I so need one of those.

So my Sister tells me she read my blog yesterday and it made her laugh (especially since she knows my cat) and that apparently folks at our church have been reading it, too. (HELLO ALL! I MISS YOU!) So they ask her how we’re doing out here- if we like it and are adjusting well- and she tells them, “Yeah! They’re doing great and loving it!” But, since they’ve been reading my blog, they give her this look like, “Uhhh…you haven’t been reading your sister’s blog, have you.” Then she apologetically tells them, “Even though she’s been a Debbie Downer lately, they really are doing well. I think.”

Ooof. Debbie Downer. Not good, captain. And to think I've never once mentioned Feline AIDS!

Hey- I’m not going to lie. It’s been tough getting here and adjusting hasn’t been the easiest for me, but I know a big part of that is my fault. Well, a big part of that is the fact that I was 2 months post-partum and still reeling from all the hormonal ups and downs while dealing with a huge international move- JUST SO YOU KNOW- and that wasn’t easy. But, another big part is the fact that I was being a lot like Lot’s Wife (from Genesis in the Bible- she’s the one that got turned into a pillar of salt) and kept wanting to look back at what I was going to miss rather than looking ahead at all the adventures in store.

Being the natural optimist that I am, I know you really can’t live life like that. Yes- I had a fabulous life with a great job, wonderful house, and awesome friends and family (and access to millions of yarn stores….just saying), but, truthfully, I still have those friends and family, I get a new shot at keeping a house organized (HAHAHAHAHAHA!), and I get to live in Australia! I’ve always wanted to live in Australia- ever since I was a little girl and saw The Man from Snowy River and thought, “Dang- if they have men like that out there, SIGN ME UP!” (Btw, Sis- still looking for your Aussie. I told Big Mister I was going to be checking out the men at church last weekend [didn't specify for whom] and he gave me a stink eye, especially when I told him he needed to help me. Also, for MsEdwards, still looking for your more mature Keith Urban, too.)

As things are settling down for me, I’m starting to look ahead at the possibilities out here. I’ve already gotten connected with the local arts center and have my Friday Fibre Friends group (which I knew would be an anchor for me during this time- never underestimate the power of yarn!) and now that I have a vehicle, I’m able to go out and get to know my new town (and hopefully NOT the local lawmen anymore). Although, honestly, I’m really relishing the days where I don’t have anything to do and can just snuggle with Little Mister. He’s now figured out that if he can break his concentration from all the eating (he is a VERY serious eater), he can look up and SURPRISE! There’s mommy! And he smiles and coos and flirts and oh.my.lanta- I’m actually tearing up just thinking about it. So, I’m getting plenty of cuddling time rather than exploring time and I’m VERY happy about that.

I’m just trying to find my new normal and with so many changes that have occurred all at once, it’s not exactly the easiest thing in the world. And, honestly, my neurotic insecurities as a new mother would have been a reality no matter where I lived. However, I do have My Mister (who has been so wonderful through all this! If it wasn’t for his organizational skills and levelheadedness, we’d be living in a van down by the river right now) and we have our family all safe and sound. (Seeing Big Mister love on Little Mister has been the most awesome thing. He's the one who got him to laugh the other day! I have a great husband who is an amazing father, as well.) Besides, like I said-I am a natural optimist. Sooner or later the sun will shine and the unicorns will fart rainbows again. So, all things considered, I’m doing…all right. Things are looking up. Just so you know.

One of Those Days

2011-10-18T03:24:00.000-04:00

A warning from My Mister: This is the longest post IN THE WORLD!

So, this lack of sleep thing is really starting to take its toll on me. I really wish I could get more than 1-2 hours of sleep at a stretch and….no. That’s it. MORE SLEEP PLEASE. I’ve been putting Little Mister in his crib after his first night feeding around 8pm and he’s been sleeping around 4 hours before needing to eat again. Now, this would be awesome if I actually went to sleep at 8pm to take advantage of those wonderful, glorious 4 hours. But, you see, those are 4 hours where I can be baby free and actually do things like BE WITHOUT A BABY for a few hours. So, I’ve been going to sleep around 11pm. That means 1 hour, 2 if I’m lucky, of sleep before he starts waking up again to eat. Dear Lord can that boy eat. And poop. Did I mention the poop? (Which, for the last 2 days has been a dark green and has been freaking me out once again. Yes, I’m doing research and it seems like it could be foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, which makes sense since he went from eating every 30 minutes to every 2 hours which means OH.MY.LANTA MY BOOBLIES ARE FULL.)

Once he wakes up to eat, he then eats every two hours until 4am at which time he eats (snacks, really) EVERY FREAKIN’ HOUR. Thus he’s back in bed with us which means the whole putting-him-in-his-crib-so-we-can-have-the-bed-to-ourselves thing isn’t working the way we were hoping it would. THUS, my brain is NOT working to its optimal capacity which, as I found out yesterday, REALLY REALLY SUCKS.

Let me back up a bit…. This weekend was the first weekend since arriving in Oz where our family is complete. We’ve been missing our little girl since she’s been in quarantine for the past month. I was so concerned for her since she is old, arthritic, and quite possibly possessed by Lucifer himself when in the presence of a vet.

Our darling little girl finally arrived home safely on Saturday and I was hoping to bring her straight home so ~~we could conduct an exorcism~~ she could de-stress from all she’s been through in the past month. Unfortunately, due to a urinary tract disorder she has to eat a special food that you can only get at a vet, and, as I found out on Friday, the local vet won’t just sell me a bag- they need to see her first since it’s a special food. Argh. I warned them about her special…uhh…personality quirk…but they still insisted they needed to see her prior to selling me some food. Ok, bub. It’s your funeral. So we headed to the vet straight from the airport.

Well, due to a lack of communication on their part (the turd heads didn’t tell me they charge an extra $30 for a Saturday visit), I opted to take her Monday. The thing about this decision is, Big Mister was with me on Saturday and Little Mister was well fed and sleeping so seeing the vet with our demonic spawn wasn’t going to be such a horrifying ordeal, especially since she was already safely in her cage from the plane trip and I didn’t have to wear my garlic and crucifix so I could wrangle her in there as her arthritic hips rotate like pinwheels made of sharp talons as she releases the deep throated YROOOWOOWWWWWWL call to her underlord master.

I set her appointment for early afternoon, giving myself 2 hours from my much needed chiropractic appointment to get in, get adjusted, get back home, pick her up, and then get to the vet. Factoring in a hungry baby? Nope. Didn’t do that. (That’s called foreshadowing, FYI.)

SO. Due to a rather unfortunate lapse in my New Mother Superpowers (WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME NOW???), I slept in with Little Mister trying to squeeze as much brain power as I could in those 1 hour chunks. Not only did it NOT boost my cranial capacity, but it also left me with only 30 minutes to get us both ready to make it to my chrio appointment. I’m still not exactly sure what the heck happened in those 30 minutes- I have vague memories of boobs and poopy diapers but curiously none of toothbrushes- but we somehow made it in the car and were barreling down the road in record time.

Now, it’s tough enough driving on the wrong side of the road when I’m well rested and not running late for an appointment; when I’m bleary eyed and not exactly sure when was the last time I shaved my legs and wishing I wasn’t wearing shorts and hoping beyond hope that I put on deodorant so that this new chiropractor wouldn’t have to put on toxic waste gloves to adequately adjust my poor crooked back, let’s just say driving on the right side of the road would have been a challenge. So, it really shouldn’t have come as such a huge shock when, after I blew past yet another non-descript white SUV (heck, even my car is a non-descript white SUV), it just so happened to be a non-descript white SUV with flashing lights and a siren. (Note to Little Mister: This was a lesson in things you should not do. You should not drive over the speed limit EVER but especially when you are in a foreign country and unsure of which side of the road you should pull over when chased by a cop. You should also never be chased by a cop. You should also never use those words you heard your mommy shout. And you should never leave the house without an extra pair of undies because you never know when you may soil them as you are breaking the law and cursing like a sailor.)

After quickly assessing whether or not my boobage would counteract my lack of grooming enough to get out of a ticket (why oh why didn’t I put on mascara at least? Or brush my teeth??), I resigned to my fate knowing I’d have some ‘splainin’ to do to My Mister when we got the arrest notice in the mail. After informing me that I was going 100 in an 80 zone (it sounds so much more impressive in miles than kilometers), the cop, whether because my boobage worked or because he could smell the stench of rabid desperation of an unbathed new mother running late, let me off with just a warning which made me think that this day was not going to be as bad as I first thought it was. Yeah. Optimism is stupid.

When we finally made it to the chiro and were only 15 minutes late, which is practically on-time in New Mommy Time Zone- I quickly shoved a piece of gum in my mouth and breathlessly let the receptionist know how sorry I was for being late but then the room became a little dim when she told me, “That’s ok- your appointment is actually in an hour.”

ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!?!

I had to reschedule since I had an appointment for my darling demonic cat at the stupid turd head new vet, so my poor crooked back remains poor and crooked still.

As we headed back home, I noticed a semi in front of me (in the left lane) with his left blinker on but thought it was just a silly Australian driving with his blinker on since he was pulling into the right lane. So we continued on, my lead foot helping us to pass on the left side when OH MY GOD WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!! You know how in the US the semis have a sign that says, “WARNING: WIDE RIGHT TURNS”? Well, in Australia, THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD which means a semi with a left blinker pulling into the right lane IS GOING TO SMASH US DEAD!

After slamming on my brakes and once again educating my son on what words he should not say (EVER, Little Mister!!), I jump started my heart, thanked the Lord there were no cars behind us, and shakily made it home safely.

The one bright spot in this scenario (there I go with that optimism again), was that I got to feed Little Mister prior to going to the vet. Yeah. Well. If he only could stay full for any amount of time, I’m sure this bright spot would have been really really swell.

So as to not have a repeat of my morning, I got my garlic and crucifix ready with 30 minutes to spare and started hunting for my cat. Surprisingly, she actually got into her cage very easily. After wondering if there was a newly possessed herd of swine nearby, I took advantage of my good fortune and quickly locked her up and sprinkled her with holy water. Now it was time to put Little Mister in his car seat so we could get a move on. Well. He was peacefully sleeping and had no intention of peacefully waking up. HE WAS THE HERD OF SWINE.

He started wailing as I put him in the car which unfortunately clued in my cat that EVERYONE MUST DIE so she also starts up with her YYRROOOOOOOWWWWLLLLs. I jump in the car and start singing “JESUS LOVES ME” at the top of my lungs and praying that the moving vehicle would lull Little Mister back to sleep. Thank the Lord- my prayer was answered!

We finally made it to the vet and thankfully did not have long to wait before the vet called us back. (A really sweet vet who had just moved here 3 weeks ago, so she was not one of the Turd Heads.) I warned her about my cat and offered her my crucifix, but she wisely let me handle Little Beezelbub while she gently felt her tummy and listened to her heart.

Vet: “Oh, how sweet- she’s purring.” *pause* “And growling.”

The appointment didn’t take too long, but it was long enough for Little Mister to realize he was no longer in a moving vehicle AND WHY IS THERE NO BOOBY IN MY MOUTH??

I quickly wrangle the both of them back in the car and started heading home, but in a moment of sleep deprived lunacy, decide that since the vet is so close to the Post Office, I should probably stop by and quickly get the mail, especially since we are expecting a box. I get my mail and see there is no notice that we have any boxes, which is just as well since I don’t know how much longer I have before all hell breaks loose. As I’m leaving, a man I have never met before calls me from behind the counter and says, “Wait! We have some boxes for you. A LOT of boxes. Let me get a dolly and wheel them out to you.”

REALLY????

We had 3 HUGE boxes and 5 smaller boxes to load Jenga style in my car as Little Mister starts crying again. The strange man tries making small talk about babies and I was biting my tongue so hard so I wouldn’t yell, “SHUT IT, STRANGE MAN OR I WILL SIC MY DEMONIC CAT ON YOU!”

We are finally on the road home and I’m hoping beyond hope that there are no flashing lights and sirens behind me because, thanks to our loot, I cannot see anything out of my rear view window. And then Little Mister chimes in. WAAAAAAAAAAAH! And then Little Girl starts harmonizing, “YYYRRROOOOWWWWWWL!!!” So I just say, to heck with it and join them in the chorus. WHHHYYYY MEEE?????

I got them in the house which instantly calmed my cat but had no effect on Little Mister, so I plopped him on the bed and nursed him to sleep. Blissful sleep. How I miss thee.

Once he was asleep, I got the boxes out of the car and started opening them. It was like Christmas! Q-Tip brand q-tips! Bounty brand paper towels! A new book! A new food scale! WAIT. What was that one? OH CRAP. That must be the Christmas gift Big Mister was telling me he bought for me when he said, “DO NOT open a box from Best Buy that is addressed to me!” and now I JUST RUINED CHRISTMAS.

Actual reaction when Big Mister saw the open box:

Mr: Why did you open it?? It was addressed to me! YOU ARE A CHRISTMAS RUINER!

Me: YYYYRRRROOOOOOWWWWLLLLL!

Weekly Menu

2011-10-16T09:23:00.000-04:00

Alright, y’all. Here’s my first installment of my weekly menu plan. The meals I planned are dairy free (except one has feta, which is a goat cheese, but I won’t put it in my food since it’s best to avoid ALL cheese including goat cheese and cheesy tootsies, but that’s another post altogether) and actually are all part of my regular rotation, except for one which is my wildcard meal- I’ll make it if we don’t go out to eat that night.

Since it’s Sunday night for me, I’ve already made this first meal. It’s one of our absolute favorites and is actually one that Big Mister chose for us to make for Valentine’s Day a few years ago. We loved it so much, I make it probably once a month. We also have made it for Valentine’s Day at least one other time because it is that good. I usually have the main ingredients in stock and just buy the fresh herbs the day I cook it. I may plant some fresh herbs while I’m here since I couldn’t find fresh oregano today and had to use some that was bottled. It came out alright, but, like underwear, fresh is always best.

It’s Lamb Chops made with a Greek Wet Rub from Cooking Light paired with Pine Nut and Lemon Orzo. I’ll sometimes make a salad to go with it made with mixed greens, prosciutto (sometimes sautéed, sometimes not) and goat cheese with a red wine vinegar dressing (about 1/4C red wine vinegar, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and drizzle enough olive oil to emulsify, which is around 2Tbs.) For Valentine’s Day, we made this Grill Tuna with White Bean and Charred Onion salad (also Cooking Light) to go with it (SOOO GOOD!) and one year we made Fried Calamari with Peperoncini Mayonnaise (from Epicurious and quite honestly THE BEST calamari we’ve ever had. EVER.). All of these recipes are super easy and the outcome is phenomenal.

Many times I alter recipes the more often I make them. I would say this is one of the only exceptions. If you do make this, I highly encourage you to use the pine nuts with the orzo and do not substitute a different nut. Depending on where you live, they may be a little pricey, but oh so worth it! If you live in New Mexico, you can actually go out at this time of year and pick them fresh from the trees. We used to do that all the time when we were growing up. My mom tells me that the first time they took me piñon picking, they set me under a tree by myself and let me fill up my own bucket. When they came back to check on me, they were highly amused to see that I had my bucket very nearly filled to the brim with deer turds. I honestly don’t know if I had sampled my harvest prior to their arrival, but if I had, it would explain so very much.

Pinon

NOT pinon. But still tasty.

ANYwho…I will make some more lamb chops Monday night to go with the leftover orzo. Sometimes we’ll eat a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket with the leftover orzo, but lamb chops are very good and are actually fairly inexpensive here.

For Tuesday (and for leftovers on Wednesday), I’m going to make Quick Chicken and Chorizo Paella from Epicurious. This is another one of our favorites and another that I make probably once a month. I bought a paella pan when we visited Spain a few years ago and encourage you to get one if you can. Paella is great one-pan, complete meal with so many variations to try. If you don’t have a paella pan, just use a large pan which will work just fine. This is a recipe I made for Lyteyz and her husband when we had a couple’s night. They loved it so much, it’s now part of their normal rotation, as well!

To cut cooking time, I’ll use a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. If I have saffron, I’ll use it. If not, it’s not a big deal.

If you live near a Wegman’s grocery store, they have a really good spicy chorizo and, like a healthy marriage, a really good spicy chorizo is the key to success! If you can, get one that has been imported from Spain- it’s REALLY WORTH IT. A chorizo- not husband. Although, those Spanish men…whoooo! *fanning self*

GETTING BACK ON TRACK HERE….I do not use oil to sauté the chorizo since it has plenty of fat in it already. Actually, depending on the chorizo, sometimes I’m able to remove the majority of the fat globules prior to cooking to lower the fat and calories of this meal. And, yes, I know that this paragraph may have a whole different meaning because of that previous paragraph. BUT GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER!

Ahem.

For Thursday (and possibly leftovers Friday) I’m making another favorite from Cooking Light. It’s their Greek Pasta Salad and it’s one that I always have all of the ingredients on hand. While the pasta is cooking, I get the vegetables ready. This whole meal takes around 20 minutes to make. Sooooo good and soooo easy!!

I usually use Ken’s Light Caeser dressing (not the creamy one) but I’m trying a different Aussie one down here. Hopefully it’ll be as good as we are used to! Also, I use frozen, tailless shrimp instead of fresh to cut down cooking time. I’ll drain the pasta over the shrimp to both cool the pasta and defrost the shrimp. I actually don’t use the sundried tomatoes since I didn’t have them on hand the first time I made it and I liked the outcome. I also use green, pimento stuffed olives rather than kalamata simply because My Mister prefers the green ones. I’ve tried the recipe with the kalamata and must admit I prefer the green ones in this recipe.

WARNING: Because of the onion, shrimp, and feta, your breath WILL BE RANK. So, if you want the full course and not just a nibble of the chorizo, make sure your mister eats some, too.

The wildcard meal is for Saturday. It's actually from Picardy Third who is in Hungary (and who, after reading her blog I just realized is a friend of mine from our church in Virginia. HI KARA!) who shared this link in the comments the other day. It's called Lesco and looks really good! I'm going to pair it with Jasmine rice (because I like Jasmine better than regular white rice) and some Australian sausage (I'M BEING SERIOUS HERE! Dirty birdies!) since I couldn't find Hungarian. If we end up eating out Saturday, I'll make it Sunday, instead.

And that, my friends, is my plan for my dairy free week. Let me know if you try these recipes! And, please do pass on any dairy free recipes you enjoy, as well!

There's A First Time For Everything

2011-10-14T09:03:00.000-04:00

Today is Friday, so that means I got to join my new friends (the ones who cannot spell) at the Friday Fibre Friends’ meeting. It’s supposed to last from 9am to 11am and so I, like any good girl who is part of the American Collective, dutifully showed up at 9am the first time I attended. (Those of you who know me in real life are probably surprised that I actually made it on-time. Hey- this wasn’t something silly like work- it was an Important Yarn Event. So shut it.) At that hour- the hour the Important Yarn Event was advertised to begin- the only people in attendance were Little Mister and I, and another American. Oh great. I yanked my still sleepy baby out of his peaceful slumber, changed him out of his cute koala pajamas and changed his diaper so quickly- too quickly- that his next wet diaper had baby skid marks on it, all so that I could meet another American. What’s the point of moving to a cool country like Australia, where they have cool accents and animals the size of my pinky nail that can kill you, just to meet one person who enjoys “fibre” and that person is American?? And why would she spell it “fibre”???

Just so happens, she was a very cool American who had also showed up on-time her first time but loved going so much she just decided to be the one to open the doors and get the coffee ready for all the others who attended. Yes- OTHERS. As in more people than just accent-less Americans. (Though it’s quite entertaining to be told, “I love your American accent!” However, blurting out, “I don’t have an accent- you do,” might just reinforce the whole “self-absorbed American” picture the world has of us. I’m really sorry, America.) And then, throughout the morning, more and more people started filtering through- both Aussie and American, as well as a Brit or two. I couldn’t tell for sure because their accents all sound the same. They might have been French for all I could tell. Haha! I kid! French people can’t speak English!

ANYway…. I had fun. A lot of fun! And I learned that a schedule out here is really more like a suggestion so I showed up at 10am this morning and stayed til 1pm. No skid marks!

Turns out there are a lot of cool, artistic people in this joint and it includes people who love “fibre” other than just plain yarn. That first American I met does a lot of wet (Nuno) felting. She actually attended a conference in Perth last week that was all about felting. How cool is that?!? Next week, another lady I met today is teaching a class on wet felting. I got to see her in action today and I really can’t wait for next Friday!

Now, I know that there couldn’t possibly be anything that could happen today that could trump 3 hours of fiber-y goodness.

OH BUT THERE IS!

You see, Little Mister, who I thought was the most serious baby who ever graced this earth,

Future grumpy CEO

who, though is full of smiles when he wakes in the morning, oftentimes is not amused with his mother,

Maybe if I poop on her she'll stop with the silly faces

and who happens to be quite possibly the chubbiest baby ever in the whole world,

We, who are about to rock, WILL POOP ON YOU!

though also the cutest,

Tummy time with Kermit and Mr. Turtle*

Mr. Serious Grumpypants.....today......for the very first time in his life,

SO VERY worth all the poops!

LAUGHED!!

My heart! It dies from the cuteness!

* That most awesome Kermit mat was made with tons of love for Little Mister by his honorary Auntie Lyteyz. LOVE YOU GIRL!

What the Devil?

2011-10-13T07:57:00.000-04:00

OK- as promised, here’s the first installment of my dairy free (well…almost) week. My goal is to find healthy, dairy free foods that actually taste good because 1) I like to eat good food and 2) Big Mister, who not only loves my cooking but is also a Dairy King himself, pouted and said, “Don’t punish me just because you can’t eat dairy anymore!” Uh, HELLO Honey! This is for the benefit of your son! So, if mama can’t have cheese, ain’t NOBODY gonna have cheese!

First up this week is actually something that I did not make for dinner, was not from Cooking Light, and was not necessarily something I’d brand as “healthy.” BUT! It was dairy free and delicious, so I could eat it to my heart’s content- clogged arteries and chunky thighs notwithstanding.

Turns out I was invited to a potluck brunch Tuesday. Look at me- already making friends and all. *aww shucks*

The hostess, as well as some of the attendees, attend the Friday Fibre Friends meeting- basically a knit and crochet group of women who can’t spell “fiber” that meets on Fridays. Yes- I searched out all things yarny when I found out we were moving here and attended my first meeting the first Friday I was here- jetlagged and all. Don’t get between me and my fibre, yo. (HAHA! My MS Word is obviously ~~smart~~ American and is giving me the red squiggly line under “fibre” because EVEN A COMPUTER PROGRAM KNOWS IT’S SPELLED F-I-B-E-R!)

Anywho, my contribution to the potluck was Deviled Eggs. I LURVE Deviled Eggs and I usually always make them if there’s a potluck we are attending. My Mister loves them, too, so I knew I had to make a few extra otherwise he’d be upset that I made his food for people other than him and that goes against our marriage vows. And, of course he’d know that I made Deviled Eggs for someone else because it made our house smell of boiled eggs which, if you have never smelled boiled eggs before, well…they smell like farts. Like the really bad ones from your old Uncle Charlie who you are pretty sure ate nothing but cabbage, beans, and rotted road kill.

Actual phone conversation with My Mister:

Me: I made Deviled Eggs for the brunch and now our whole house smells like farts.

Mister: What else is new?

Thanks a lot, Uncle Charlie.

Even though I have made these quite a few times, it’s been a while since I made them last and needed to look up the recipe to refresh my memory. And that was roadblock number one. I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I MOVED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD and do not have access to my household goods, including my cookbooks. Yes- I mailed my yarn, but my cookbooks were much lower on the totem pole of important things in our lives. What good is food if you don’t have your yarn? EXACTLY. There would be no point in living anymore.

Well, considering we live in an amazing time in history where we can access just about any information ever conceived by the quick click of a button, I thought- no biggie! I’ll just google the recipe. It’s from the Betty Crocker cookbook- the red checkered one. “Betty Crocker Deviled Eggs” goes into my google bar and the extremely simple recipe comes back. Right?

WRONG!

They had 300 thousand bazillion recipes for deviled eggs, but not MY recipe for deviled eggs. WTHemorrhoid?!? GAH!

So, I had to reconstruct the recipe from memory. All of the other recipes I saw had quite a few ingredients like relish and eye of newt. The recipe I use is basically just mayo, mustard, and vinegar and they are FABULOUS.

So, I know I have the right ingredients, but I’m not completely sure about the quantities EXCEPT! I remembered that both the mustard and the vinegar were 1 teaspoon each. I just couldn’t remember how many eggs with which that corresponded (but I think it may have been 6), or the amount of mayo needed. Oh well!

The keys to the tastiest farts you'll ever eat

I used:
10 hardboiled eggs (it's best if you don't count them in my pictures. Just take my word for it.)
5 Tbs. Mayo (they don't have Kraft mayo- theirs is a little more translucent, so the filling was...different than I remember it.)
1.5 tsp yellow mustard (they do have French's Mustard. Score one for the Australians.)
1.5 tsp white vinegar
salt and pepper to taste (though I think I put a tad too much salt in mine.)
paprika sprinkled on top. (Gots to have the paprika)

Remove the yolks from the eggs and mash them up with all the ingredients except for the paprika. Place the mixture in a zip-top plastic bag for easy piping. Just snip off a small corner and pipe away.

Yep...ten eggs. Ten whole eggs.

Unfortunately I also don't have my pretty little Deviled Egg platter, so I had to do the best with what I have.


Hmm...not quite there. And there's a funky one in there somewhere

STOP WITH THE COUNTING ALREADY!

I covered them with plastic wrap, but to protect them from getting smooshed from the wrap, I used toothpicks to keep it aloft. Oh wait. No I didn't because I don't have any toothpicks.

Give me some duct tape and a knife and I'll out MacGyver MacGyver

I used plastic tie wraps that came with some freaky freezer bags they have here. I guess they don't do zip top freezer bags- just sandwich bags. Silly Australians.

So, my brunch went well, but unfortunately my eggs were the only non-dairy fare available except for some tasty butternut squash soup. Since I'm breastfeeding and thus need to eat a metric ton every half hour to keep up my milk production, and since I didn't cheat and snack on any of my eggs prior to arriving (you didn't count, right?), I ended up eating a quesadilla and some quiche. One of them has cheese IN ITS FREAKIN' NAME! It should be called the Devil and not my delicious eggs! Stupid satanic cheese.

So, hopefully next week will be my first truly, absolutely, no excuses dairy free week.

Oh, and My Mister did want the leftovers....but then he didn't eat them because he's some germaphobe freak and saw my twisty ties in the eggs and questioned their food grade safety and then said something about not trusting the Chinese. Don't worry- I hid the aluminum foil so he can't wear his hat tonight.

(ETA: HAHAHA! My Mister just read my blog and said, "You're not being fair or specific! I don't know what were their manufacturing conditions!" The aluminum is FAR FAR AWAY!)

Resting and Planning and Thinking

2011-10-12T09:21:00.002-04:00

My Mister, whom I love very, very much, has been driving me crazy with all of the exploring he wants to do in our new town. Yes, honey, we have a car and can go out and about now, but that doesn't mean we HAVE to. It's not like we're moving back next month and need to cram in every single touristy thing there is to do RIGHT NOW. Just calm the heck down already!

I’m ready to stab people in the throat and tear my hair out (which doesn’t need much coaxing to leave its follicles- the whole postpartum balding season is upon me) to get some much needed R&R and the weekends are my only time to take advantage of having someone to watch Little Mister so I can go to the bathroom to, oh I don’t know- pee? read? sleep? without yelling, “IT’S OK! MAMA JUST NEEDS TO WIPE AND SHE’LL BE RIGHT THERE HONEY!” making an even better impression on my new neighbors. The only way I can make myself and possibly all Americans look worse in their eyes is if I marched down the streets draped in an American flag while chanting, “We’re Number One! You’re Number Two! Australia is a dumb hunk of poo! SanDimasHighSchoolFootballRULES!”

Anywho, Big Mister could sense that I could use some extra sleep- he’s good at reading my extremely subtle hints of gently snarling, hissing and spitting randomly throughout the day- so he offered to take Little Mister on a walk Saturday morning so that I could sleep-in a little. Even though it was only an extra hour (though it felt like 2 minutes), I so appreciated those precious minutes alone. On a bed. All by myself. (!!) He also eased off of the, "Oooo OOOOO! Let's do this and go there and wake up early and put the baby in the car seat so we can go and drive now that we have a car and we can do things that are not sleeping!" Yeah....I really needed the break. It helped take the edge off- now I only want to poke people in the throats with a dull stick.

I used this restful weekend to start my normalization process. Well…”normal” is relative. Considering the whole “dairy free” issue has been weighing heavily on my mind for a while, I’ve got to start a whole new normal- and I mean more than a life without cheese, although that does play a big part. You see, I tend to fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to meal planning since I tend to have a stock of ingredients necessary for the meals I generally rotate through. Unfortunately, many of these meals do have dairy in them one way or another so I need to rethink my meal planning. Gah. “Thinking.” Totally overrated.

So, now it’s time to emulate my favorite Belgian detective and start working out those little grey cells again by putting on my Nutritionist cap at home and start planning healthy meals that are dairy free for me to make throughout the week. It’s always been my goal to actually make a meal plan for the week, go grocery shopping on the weekend, and then stick to my meal plan so that I don’t have any extra food to throw away at the end of the week. Unfortunately, the reality is that I suck at it. The whole sticking to plans thing. Since it’s just been Big Mister and me for so long, if we wanted to eat out (read: me no wanty cooky), we could just hop in the car and go wherever our taste buds took us. Now…it’s not that simple anymore. Now I start freaking out if we are out past 7pm since that means Little Mister’s new sleep schedule will be thrown out of whack and how the heck will we ever get to sleep a full night again if he never establishes a good sleeping pattern and why the heck are we eating out just so that I can be tempted by that glorious cheese that I can’t eat anymore but, hey- what’s one teensy little bite, right? OH NO! Little Mister has blood in his stools again! DARN YOU CHEESE YOU EVIL TEMPTRESS!!! (And, sadly, yes- this has happened since I apparently have the willpower of popcorn fart when it comes to cheese.)

However, now that I’m a mom, I’ve found that I’ve somehow inherited the Mommy Superpowers that allow me to clean the kitchen, eat breakfast, start a load of laundry, and catch up with my Twittering (tweets? Tweeps? Tweeterers?) all before Little Mister wakes up. Normally I’d be zonked out in Drool Land until 10am if I had a day off, as well as NOT CLEANING MY HOUSE so this transformation has been extraordinary. So, I put my newfound superpowers to work this restful weekend and I actually planned out the meals for the week. Dairy free meals! Without cheese! And we went grocery shopping this weekend so I have food for all of the meals I planned so that we don’t have to eat out and I won’t be tempted by that cheese. (Weeeelllll…..even the best laid plans aren’t fool proof….as I found out yesterday. More on that tomorrow.)

So. Here’s what I’m gonna do. Every Sunday, I’ll post what my weekly meal plans are. They’ll either be brand new recipes I’ve never tried before, stuff from my normal rotation that happen to be dairy free, or new creations that I throw together. I’ll provide the links to the recipes if available online, too. That being said, many of the things I make originate from Cooking Light magazine. If you do not have a subscription to this wonderful resource, I highly recommend it. Their recipes are amazing and they have so many good health tips and information. I LOVE Cooking Light!

If you have any dairy-free meals you'd like to share, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!! For reals. I'm sure other readers wouldn't mind some new recipes- I know I wouldn't- and I'd love to hear from ya!

Since I've already started my meal planning this week, I'm going to finish out this week- blog wise- commenting on some the things I've made so far- starting tomorrow. Gotta give myself some goals to work towards now that I'm a SAHM and not out in the workplace anymore. As much as I'd like to just sit and eat tea and crumpets all day (which are VERY GOOD, btw!), I do need to get a move on and start the whole pregnancy weight loss plan in earnest now, starting with planning healthy meals.

Right now, I've got to head to bed. Strange- most of you are just now waking up....to begin the day that has just ended for me. I'm talking to y'all from the future! ooooEEEEEoooooooooo!

Catch ya on the flip side.

How amazing is that?!? You can see only 2 of his 5 chins in this picture! The roo was amazed, too.

Perfect Storm

2011-10-08T09:13:00.001-04:00

It seems like the Perfect Storm has occurred for me in the last couple days. A really wonderful Perfect Storm full of snuggles, feedings, sleeping, and baby poop.

Yes, Little Mister has been going through a growth spurt and I’ve basically been held prisoner in my bedroom for the past couple days. Now, up until this point, I would have been filled with anxiety and counting the minutes on the clock until he finished eating. HURRY LITTLE BABY! Eat! Eat! EAT!! Up until this point, I’ve unfortunately not been able to enjoy the whole breastfeeding/bonding experience to its fullest since I’ve had something or other to accomplish RIGHT NOW and a tiny little baby takes too long to gulp, slurp, and motorboat his way to fullness.

I’ve been on-the-go non-stop for the last few months and, truth be told, I’m a little concerned how hard I’m going to crash once I’m able to process everything that I’ve been going through. I’ve been putting it off- mainly because I’ve not had the time to truly think and process and OH.MY.LANTA! I’M A MOM NOW!

Since moving here 3 weeks ago, we’ve had to do the normal things you have to do when you move to another country- get a local driver’s license, get a local bank account, get a new vehicle, have a heart attack due to sticker shock since everything out here is SO VERY EXPENSIVE, and walk, walk, walk everywhere since you do not have a car and then you are stuck walking in a strange city when your very hungry little baby needs to eat RIGHT NOW and you don’t have the privacy of your own car with tinted windows and a sun shade and your dearly beloved Boppy with you so you can feed him properly so he cries and cries and your heart breaks and you yell and cry at your husband, “WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO US???” even though you know he’s been through so very much himself and his heart breaks hearing his son cry and seeing his wife have a meltdown and he wishes he could just fix it RIGHT NOW.

*HUGE inhale*

No. It’s not been an easy transition for me. Not into motherhood, nor as an ex-pat. Although, I do think the transition into motherhood would have been much easier (MUCH!) had the whole moving-to-the-other-side-of-the-world thing did not happen AT THE SAME TIME. (When the opportunity first came up and we knew we’d be most likely be moving with a 2-month old, we thought, Crikey! Sounds good to me, mate! And we danced a dance of joy and threw shrimps on the barbie. And then the reality slowly sunk in as I started getting bigger and bigger and the pain became unmanageable and the baby just WOULD NOT BE BORN no matter how much I begged and pleaded and cried and bribed him with candy.)

When Little Mister started having blood in his stools and I couldn’t just jump in my own car and take him to his pediatrician or even to an urgent care center, I seriously thought my heart was going to break in two and would never mend due to all of the shoving aside of thoughts and emotions I’ve been shoving down deeper and deeper until I started becoming a walking zombie- emotionless and simply going through the daily motions of life- and I can’t even have the comforts of cheese to help me cope! I do not like this version of me. Not at all, Sam I am. It reminds me too much of the “me” I was last year when I wouldn’t- couldn’t- process my first pregnancy…and loss. Even to this day, I have a difficult time saying the “m” word.

Heck. It’s not been a tough couple months. It’s been a tough couple years, really.

My creativity has both waxed and waned during these times. Sometimes I’ll have a creative frenzy where the most beautiful creations and colors will rush through my mind. Other times the colors are muted and the creativity just won’t come. Sometimes I escape in my books- living vicariously through the lives brought forth in the pages before me. Recently, my creative juices have been flowing (I’m being published!!!!) and I’m happy about that. Yet I felt guilty when I would pick up my hooks knowing that I had SO MUCH to do to get ready to move and shouldn’t I be enjoying this time with my baby a little more since that’s what everybody tells me to do? “Enjoy this time- they grow so fast.”

But I couldn’t enjoy it. I wanted to very very badly to just hold my baby and love him and kiss his huge (HUGE!) cheeks and smell him- even when he’s smelly- and kiss that gummy mouth of his and snort him like a new skein of wool and I COULDN’T.

Instead I had to pass him off to my mom during the first week of his life since I knew it would be a very long time before she would see her first grandchild again. I had to put him in his car seat so he could sleep instead of lying down with him or letting him fall asleep on me anytime he wanted to just so I could get something done RIGHT NOW. I had to watch the clock and think, “Why aren’t you done eating yet?!? Don’t you know I have things I need to do RIGHT NOW and you are eating and eating and eating and I love you but you need to HURRY!”

Hurry! Hurry! HURRRRRRRY!!!

This brings me to the last couple of days. We finally have a vehicle so I don’t have to walk 45 minutes into town and 45 minutes back to run errands. We have our bank account and driver’s license. We don’t have all our stuff here yet, and that’s good. It means I don’t have to rush unpacking. I’ve been able to stay home and b-r-e-a-t-h-e and NOT in a hurried way that causes hyperventilation. And, best of all, this is the time that Little Mister has decided to go through a growth spurt.

He’s needed me every hour or so to feed him and gets cranky when I’m not with him. I’ve been able to sleep-in with him in the morning- having him nestled in the crook of my arm which is a perfect position for me to kiss his little head. Ok. So he’s sprayed me with fountains of poop which was really gross and did cause me to HURRY to get it all off me. BUT then we were able to snuggle again so he could eat (again!) and then I was able to nap with him because all of that eating and growing makes a baby very sleepy. And I didn’t need to HURRY and get up, leaving him in the bed alone, so that I could get Something Really Important done RIGHT NOW. I’ve been able to just stare at him and think- Oh.My.Lanta. This is my son and I love him.

And I thank My Mister for “doing this to me.”

Pardon Me- Do You Have Any Grey Poop-on You?

2011-10-06T03:49:00.001-04:00

Wow. So, I’m pretty sure Little Mister is going through a growth spurt right now. Either that or he’s been possessed by some all-you-can-eat-boobie-buffet spirit today. Last night he was waking to eat every hour or so*. Well, it’s not really “waking” when all you do is turn toward the food source with your mouth gaping wide open and paw at your mom’s nursing tank while grunting in your sleep. At least he’s finally figured out that I’m the one to paw at and not just any body part he may be facing. (My Mister has been startled awake a few times by Little Mister trying to nurse on his arm. Makes me giggle just thinking about it.) I try to appease the little guy before he does wake up and start wailing his, “GIVE ME FOOD NOW!” battle cry. Also, I feel a little guilty hearing his loud, slightly labored breathing as I remember that I should have removed his boogers before going to bed so he could actually breathe at night. (Am I the only one who goes “fishing” with a tightly rolled tissue for his snot instead of using the booger-sucker-bulb? Maybe I shouldn’t put this out there for all to see, but I must admit I get a little thrill when I notice there’s a little bat in the cave that needs to be removed. OH GOODY! A booger for me to fetch! It’s a sickness, I know.)

Anywho, the real problem with eating all night long- other than ensuring your mother does not sleep AT.ALL. during the night thus making her slightly delirious in the morning. So delirious she does strange things such as not quite make eye contact as she’s stalking your nose mucus as soon as you wake. Maybe if you LET YOUR MOM SLEEP, she wouldn’t be chasing you with rolled up tissue so much. Just a thought.

Ahem. As I was saying, the real problem with eating all night long is that all that milk will eventually need to come out. Just in case you are not sure where I’m going with this, that milk comes out as poop. LOTS AND LOTS OF POOP.

Oh dear God- the amount of poop that comes out of such a little person. *shudder* Now, I’m not a diaper expert or anything, but I’m pretty sure that when there is more poop on me than what is trapped in the diaper, that is called a DIAPER FAIL. I might as well have stuck a paper towel on his butt. A wet one with a large hole in it.

There I was, lovingly holding Little Mister on my lap while we watched Murder She Wrote when all of a sudden I heard the telltale grunts and then felt the bubbly farts letting me know that his food finally finished cooking. Then the wet warmth on my lap let me know that this loving moment would not end well for me. Sure enough, a large, wet, yellow spot started growing on my pajama bottoms- and then made a run for it down my leg while shouting, “FREEEEEEDOM!!!” When the second wave of bubbly farts started its world tour, I realized I may need to incinerate Little Mister’s pajamas because there’s not enough water in the world to wash out all that poop.

I quickly put him on the changing pad on the floor and started ripping off his clothes so that he wouldn’t marinate in that yellow brew and then bravely went for the diaper. It was once I took off the diaper that I realized that the Poop World Tour included a trip all the way up his back and down his legs. Seriously- what was the point of putting a diaper on him at all?? It was only by the grace of God that I was able to put a new diaper on him at that moment because it was precisely at that moment that I also noticed that I had a huge poop stain on my nursing tank, as well.

Now, I’m pretty sure this isn’t the professional mother’s way of handling things like this, but I’m still new at this game, so cut me some slack. I was totally grossed out by this point and could only think, “GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME!!” There may have been some slight screaming of, “EEEWWWWWWW!” as I jumped off the floor and started striping on my way to the laundry room. I didn’t even care (or notice) that my blinds were open and that my new neighbors may have gotten a little bit of a show from the new Yank next door. (So glad to do America proud, y’all.)

I continued on my way to the shower since I knew I had poop on my stomach, arms, and legs and that baby wipes just weren’t going to cut it. Once I was showered and feces free again, I put on some clean clothes, sighed in relief, and then it was at this point that I realized I LEFT MY BABY ALL ALONE ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR. You can see now why I’m glad I put that diaper on him when I did. I almost left a deadly weapon of poop destruction unsupervised on my living room floor. Whew. Barely dodged the “Bad Mother Award.”

After looking around to see if my new neighbors saw what I did and were now calling CPS, I wrestled with what I should do next – take him a bath or stick a cork in his butt? I finally thought it was only fair to bathe him since I was clean and, besides, the built up pressure from a corked butt could result in one of us losing an eye.

By the time he was fresh, clean, and poop free, he let me know it was time to replenish his ammunition stores. The other thing about this particular growth spurt is that, besides being really cranky today, he only wanted to nurse while lying down in bed. This was fine by me since I figured I could catch some much needed sleep. So, down we went. He started eating as I lovingly looked down at him wondering how anything so perfect could be mine. And that’s when the bubbly farts started again. *HUGE SIGH* This time instead of striping myself, I had to strip the bed. What made this worse is the fact that I had just washed the sheets yesterday. So much for getting some sleep today. Anyone have a snotty nose that needs to be cleaned??

* He’s actually been eating like that all day long. I had to cancel my much needed chiropractic appointment this afternoon because I’m pretty sure it’s not easy to adjust a woman with a cranky, slightly smelly baby grafted to her bosom.

Hurry Up and Relax!

2011-10-05T02:06:00.001-04:00

A Gold Star goes to Jen who correctly guessed that we have landed Down Under. (There were a few others that got back to me on Rav and FB who also correctly guessed. Glad to know my initial hint wasn’t a complete fail. ;) ). I have always wanted to live in Australia and My Mister and I were lucky enough to visit about 10 years ago, so this is a dream come true. However, these last couple weeks here haven’t exactly been the stuff that dreams are made of. Thankfully, as of yesterday, we finally got some wheels! WOOT! That is definitely going to make things a little easier now.

As excited as I am to finally have a car again, I must say I’m enjoying the irony that today is the first day that there is nothing for me to do that requires a vehicle. I get to stay home and just….take it easy. Quite a foreign concept for me as of late. After all I’ve had to go through to get this car, it’s a little anticlimactic, actually. I feel like I should make up an urgent crisis that requires me to urgently jump in the car and fix it. Urgently. Instead I have time to just FINALLY relax and do nothing but enjoy spending time with Little Mister, watch TV without guilt, even crochet or read with impunity. And yet I feel antsy about it! My body is so tense and at the ready to pounce on the next crisis that appears. I am a puma! Do not mess with me! Hi YA! (Pumas know karate, right?)

Even while I was crocheting this past week, I felt like I had to make that hook fly and hurry, hurry, HURRY! for some unknown reason. And I feel super guilty for purposefully putting Little Mister in his swing in front of the TV and willing him to fall asleep so that I could have a few moments to myself to type up this blog post. My precious baby boy is going to have ADHD and a below average IQ because I let the TV babysit him for a few minutes. (How he can fall asleep watching MacGyver, I’ll never know. All that resourceful and mullet-y goodness on screen? HELLO!) I don’t know if this is normal “mommy guilt” or the result of the months of stress I’ve been through. Whatever the reason, I blame My Mister for it. Teehee!

Anywho, as I mentioned, we needed some coasters. Every time we put our drinks on our table without a coaster, my eyes would twitch a little and my hooks would fly even faster. So I went through my temporary mini (but slightly huge-ish) stash and pulled out some wools and cranked these babies out.

Wool Doodles

It was nice to have small projects to just doodle with. That purple one was the first time I crocheted in a spiral. I kept looking up free patterns on how to do it but couldn’t get the concept, so I just tried it on my own in a way that made sense to me and, what do you know? It worked! I think a video is in my near future... I've got some ideas for the star pattern and the blue/grey pinwheel pattern, as well...

Another thing we need are placemats. (Again with the eye twitching! HURRY UP HOOKS SO WE CAN EAT!) I started them with white as the main color since I have a lot of white thread. (It was for a different project that I started- a curtain- but that is for a different post.)


Pretty Pastels

But I just wasn't feeling it. So I started over in black. (EEK! Must hurry! The table is NAKED!)

Pretty Placemat.

Oh yeah baby! Black really made the colors pop! Unfortunately, I ran out of black as I was doing the border. Argh. I only had the one ball of thread and I had already used some of it for Little Mister's Sock Monkey hat, but I ordered some online (the yarn supply here is woefully sad!) but unfortunately won't receive it until the 28th. Argh again. Perhaps my eye twitch is here to stay. *sigh*

The funny thing about this is that I absolutely love it and I'm planning on making a set of 4- each with a different color sequence. However, My Mister just isn't feeling it as a placemat. He doesn't think they are manly enough to put his food on. (Yes, he seriously said that. Yeah. I don't know, either.) However, I put it over our couch pillow and he really liked it. Huh. Go figure. So, in order to keep harmony in our new house, and to prevent an un-manly dining experience, my placemats are going to end up as pillows.

In the meantime, we'll have to do without placemats (or, heaven forbid, actually go buy some) until my thread arrives. I have another idea for placemats, actually. I'm thinking of doing a Southwest theme for this house, so.....we'll see where that leads.

So, for now, I'll try to be zen about it all and actually enjoy having nothing to do for once. I have to do it RIGHT NOW before the baby wakes up and ruins my MacGyver ogling. Hellllloooooo mullet!

My Neck of the Woods

2011-10-01T09:44:00.001-04:00

So I started a blog post last week in honor of my 3^rd blogiversary (YAY ME!) but just never had time to finalize it due to Little Mister deciding that he prefers sleeping at night rather than during the day. Part of me is so thankful, yet part of me misses the time when he would sleep all day long so I could get some things accomplished. Granted, I never got things accomplished then either since the moment I moved he would wake up and thus want to eat again. Now when he wakes up he actually wants to interact with parts of me other than my boob and I feel compelled to interact with him lest he grows up to be a big fat dummy.

Another obstacle I’ve faced in accomplishing anything is the fact that we do not have a vehicle yet. We’ve been test driving cars- which in and of itself has been an adventure since they drive on the wrong side of the road here*- and will hopefully finally buy a car on Monday. The people here are very nice and have basically bent over backwards offering us assistance as we get settled in. I’m so very thankful for that but also hate becoming an imposition. However, I did have to take my new neighbor up on their offer to borrow their vehicle yesterday when we had to take Little Mister to the hospital for some tests. I’ve been super freaked out since finding blood in his stools on Tuesday. After many trips to and from doctors to figure it out, they suspect it’s due to a milk protein allergy. Thus, I have to stop eating/drinking dairy and he should be fine.

Considering the other, scarier causes for bloody stools, I am thankful that it’s something that I can actually control. That said, after the initial relief swept over me upon hearing the news, the full reality of the sacrifice I will have to make hit me. I am totally a dairy queen! I eat cereal every morning for breakfast (or oatmeal made with milk rather than with water) and will eat it for a snack or even for dessert. I eat yogurt just about every day and I’ve once again picked up that nasty ice cream eating habit. However, I know I can drink rice milk with my cereal and, let’s face it- I really don’t need that ice cream- but I think the toughest part for me is giving up the ooey gooey gloriousness that is cheese. I love cheese. I would totally marry it if I could. I LOVE cheese. And now… no more Brie and Bread. No more cheesy omelette or burritos. No more fondue. No more Melted Cheese on a Plate! (Which is where you get some cheese, put it on a plate, and then melt it. YUM.) Gah! This kid better appreciate my sacrifice!

Another frustration has been the inconsistency of our internet access. We’ve been using a wireless hotspot since arriving here and are waiting (and waiting and waiting) for our internet service to be hooked up. We used to use our cell phones for internet but now can only do that when we have access to wifi which is NOT freely available here. I really don’t want to be the snobby American, but dang…we really do have it good in the US! (Something I totally miss from home? FREE REFILLS! Do they really think that 3 oz of Diet Coke poured over 9oz of ice will last an entire meal???)

We are still waiting (and will be waiting for a few months) for our stuff to be shipped out here. However, we were able to mail some things ahead of us- the things we deemed the most important- and thankfully those things have arrived. I, of course, mailed my yarn. Not my whole stash, unfortunately, but enough to last a good year or two while I wait for the rest of it to arrive. Big Mister tried talking me out of mailing so much of my yarn, but he quickly backed down when I ~~growled and hissed~~ calmly explained that I’ll need something to keep me busy and sane out here.

So, I’ve been on a crocheting spree while Little Mister takes his 30 minute cat naps during the day and when he finally goes down to sleep at night. I made us some felted coasters and am currently making some placemats. (Pictures coming soon!) Our coasters and placemats are being shipped over right now. They were not as important as my yarn. Neither was the majority of my clothing, actually. I may wear the same 5 outfits every day for a couple of months, but gosh darn it- I’ve got my yarn.

Anywho- just a little update on what’s been going on in my neck of the woods. Hopefully things will start to settle down really soon. Getting a car will be a huge step in establishing normalcy again. Well, as normal as things can be without cheese. (Why did it have to be a dairy allergy??? WHY?!?)

* This is the second hint in the Where in the World is Gege game. The first hint was my sign off to y’all in the post where I told you I moved. I guess I was too subtle. You call people Zoobaroos one to many times and they eventually figure out you don’t really live in Zoobilee Zoo, so they think you’re just quirky and ignore any other ways you sign off. *sigh* HINT FAIL.

Sleep Training

2011-09-21T22:51:00.001-04:00

So the last couple of days have been spent trying to get adjusted to our new area, as well as the time changes. I must say that, as difficult as moving with a newborn was, it probably helped us adjust to the time difference rather quickly. Once you’re used to not sleeping much, jet lag is a breeze. One thing that was frustrating was that Little Mister was finally sleeping through most of the night before we left. He was waking up once in the middle of the night and then again right around when the alarm would go off. Baby sleeping more = we sleep more. Moving to the other side of the world = ARGH.

Well, thankfully he has adjusted rather quickly, as well, and once again had a night where he woke up only once to eat. So….we decided to try letting him sleep in his crib. He held up his end of the deal- sleeping 5 hours straight- so we had to hold up our end- putting him to sleep in his crib. Oy to the vey.

Here’s how it went down:

7:30- Feed him for what ended up being the last time that evening. He starts to fall asleep during feeding.

8:00- Since I'm able to read my baby soo very well, I figure he'll eat again around 10, so I give him to Big Mister to bathe/entertain while I take my shower

8:05- Listen to Big Mister struggle with bathing a cranky baby who was forced awake just to have a bath. Hmmmm....I must have misjudged my baby. Oh well, I'm still learning.

8:30- Take Little Mister from Big Mister who keeps on saying, “I don’t have the magic touch! He’s just so cranky and won’t fall asleep for me!”

8:31- Inwardly smile knowing I have the “magic touch” and can soothe my baby and daddy can’t. I’m the best mom in the world.

8:35- Wonder where my magic went as I’m jiggling the baby and trying to soothe him but the darn kid is too cranky. Note to self: rethink bathing necessity. He may smell a little, but at least he won’t be cranky.

9:00- Finally put him in his crib and turn on his musical mobile. He’s distracted by the light, sound, and movement so he quits fussing. GENIUS!

9:05- He’s asleep. In his crib. All by himself.

9:08- Happy my baby is able to sleep all by himself. Without his mommy. That's the goal, right? Self soothing. No mama required. Yep. That's what we wanted. Right?

9:10- WAAAAAHHH! (That was the baby, I swear.)

10:00- Being unbelievably exhausted, I am able to fall asleep next to my husband and not worry about squishing the baby.

10:01- Worrying about not hearing the baby

10:02- Worrying about whether or not the baby is going to be warm enough all by himself in his crib

10:05- Worrying about…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

10: 45- Hear Big Mister get back into bed. Ask what happened. His response: The baby was making noises so I went to check on him.

10:46- I AM A BAD MOTHER! I didn’t even hear my baby fussing all by himself in his crib and my husband did. He’s all alone and fussing and I didn’t even….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

11:00- WHAT WAS THAT? Was that the baby? I better check on him before my husband has to. I want to be a good mom!

11:01- Stare at my baby asleep all alone in his crib…peacefully.

11:05- Back in bed. Straining my ears to see if I hear anything. Nope. Nothing. I am a good mom.

11:20- WHAT WAS THAT??? I’m a good mom. Is that the baby? I need to check since I’m a good mom.

11:21- Staring at my still peaceful baby who is still sleeping.

11:25- Back in bed. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

12:30- I’M A GOOD MOM! What was that?? Must check the baby.

12:35- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1:30- What was that? Was that the baby? I hope it’s the baby. It’s been many hours since he last ate and I don’t want him to starve. I’m feeling engorged. He better wake up soon. Should I wake him up? What would a good mom do? Egads my boobies are hurting. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

1:32- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2:30- ACK! That was the baby for reals this time! He’s crying! He’s hungry! He’s starving and needs his mom! Don’t worry little baby! Mama is on her way! You have the best mom in the world!

2:33- Back in bed. Feeding my baby. Note that his feet are cold since I didn’t put socks on him. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER DOESN’T PUT SOCKS ON HER BABY??? A bad mom, that's who. I'm a bad mom! I made my baby freeze! Look at his little cold feet. Look at his little cold cheeks. Look at his adorable little face. Look at....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As you can see, it's obvious that Little Mister has some separation anxiety issues we need to work on. Oh well. He'll be able to handle being in his crib all alone soon enough. After all, he's got the best mom in the world here to help him.

Far, Far Away

2011-09-19T18:40:00.002-04:00

Ok. So now that we have finally moved to a land far, far away, I can finally just rest and take it easy. I didn't blog about the craziness I've been going through because I've been under way too much stress and didn't want to go through a very public meltdown of epic proportions. (Kuddles asked if I was insane in the comments yesterday...oh girl- you have no idea how close I came!) As much as I'm excited to be here and am looking forward to what the Lord has in store for us, I have to admit that this wasn't the smoothest of moves for us.

Things I've learned when making an international move with a 2 month old newborn:

1) DO NOT make an international move with a 2 month old newborn.

They take up so much time. Know what else takes up so much time? Planning an international move. You have to choose one or the other otherwise much tears and swearing at your husband even though you don't normally swear will occur. As well as feelings of "WHAT THE HECK ARE WE DOING?!?!" and "Why the heck do I have so much crap??" and "I AM GOING TO DIIIIIE! And I'm taking my husband with me!"

2) Don't put off thinking about the international move in hopes it will disappear.

I've known for a while that this was coming but really could not wrap my head around it since I was a leeeetle preoccupied with being a first time mother. Was my baby going to be normal? What if he's ugly?? (Don't judge me!) Am I going to ruin his life? What if he's a she and they made a mistake in the ultrasound? What if he doesn't like me? Will I be able to breastfeed? IS HE EVER GOING TO BE BORN?? Get this baby out of me NOW!! I AM GOING TO KILL MY HUSBAND FOR DOING THIS TO ME!

3) Reduce or eliminate the number of hours you work outside of the home.

I was finally able to reduce my work hours to 24 per week mid-April. However, by then I had tons of doctors appointments and other things to take care of on my days off that I never had any time to actually get prepared for this move. I actually liked my job and do miss my coworkers (Hi MrsWilcox!!) but I really really wish I had quit sooner so that I wouldn't have been so incredibly stressed out.

In all honesty, I truly think I may have had pre-partum depression. I was a complete mess and had a very difficult time coping with everything that I was going through and knew that once the baby got here things would become even more difficult. I couldn't move because of all the pain I was in and knew a good portion of that pain was because I sat all day at work. I was bitter about having to work when I knew I'd be stressed out about this move. I was bitter that I couldn't exercise. I was bitter at my husband for "doing this to me." I was even bitter at the baby for not being born and seriously wondered if I would be able to bond with him once he was born since I was so angry. Yes- ANGER is what filled me for a good portion of the end of my pregnancy and it wasn't pretty. I tried keeping things under wraps (I do have a history of trying to be strong and just working my way through things....when will I ever learn??) and just tried biting my tongue so that I wouldn't lash out at my husband or total strangers, but it was getting more and more difficult. In that respect, things definitely got better once I gave birth. Pregnancy hormones suck. And not just for giving me epically long facial hairs.

I've obviously now quit my job and am now officially a Stay At Home Mom. Wow. That's going to be weird to get used to. Actually, a lady here who was helping me get around town told me, "I'm not sure about what cleaning products to get since I work. You'll obviously be better at that than me since you stay home." WHAT THE WHAT?!? I was incredulous at her audacity, but just replied, "Well, I don't know about that. I've only just been home 8 weeks." I was very proud of my restraint! I didn't owe her any explanations and didn't want to come across as defensive by listing my educational and employment accomplishments and I especially didn't want to smack her across the head for being so rude. Ok. Yes I did want to do that.

4) Enjoy the time you have with your family and friends and make as many memories as possible.

Oy to the vey was this an emotional move. I miss my sister so much more than I can express and have shed so many tears with Lyteyz and other close friends. There are so many folks at my church that I wasn't able to say goodbye to and that sucks. Thank the Lord for Skype! Hopefully they'll be able to invent a way to hug through the internetz. Or maybe Smell-o-Vision. That'd be cool too.

BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL!!

Good-byes at the airport. My hormones affected everyone.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

2011-09-18T19:33:00.001-04:00

Wow. So things have been pretty intense here lately. Lots of changes- both big and small. What’s been going on? Let me see….

I’ve been forced into organizing my house. This has been a very emotional ordeal for me since, 1) I’m a recently postpartum woman who tends to be a mite bit emotional about many things and 2) I’m a little pack rat and have a lot of…crap - for lack of a better word- that takes me for freakin’ evah to go through. Being the highly sentimental person that I am, I often struggle with the, “should I toss it or keep it forever and ever and call it George?” mentality. Even if it’s over a pen. Quick factoid: before collecting yarn, I collected pens. I have probably over 1000 pens. I do not need any more pens and really should toss the ones that I have duplicates of, but….it’s a pen! You do not toss pens! What if you needed to jot something down that you need to remember but you end up forgetting to get your mother a birthday gift because YOU THREW AWAY YOUR PEN and now you feel guilty and need to eat some ice cream to make the guilt go away but then you gain 5 pounds and feel even guiltier and cry and then eat some more and then you NEVER LOSE THE PREGNANCY WEIGHT. See Mister?!? I’m fat all because you forced me to toss a pen!!

I've not been able to exercise since I’ve been busy trying to organize my house. I have my yoga and pilates DVDs all raring to go but have yet to get through them since I have pens to throw away. I did go on very long walks this weekend with my Mister and Little Mister and I very nearly died. This is mainly due to the fact that my body is more crooked than the crooked man who lived in a crooked house. (I bet he gets to keep his crooked pens!) I need to see a chiropractor very badly and really need to strengthen my core so that my back and hips will actually stay inline. Thus, the yoga and pilates that I should be doing. Need to remember to do my exercises! Where’s my pen so I can jot that down?

I'M BEING PUBLISHED!!! I submitted to the Cooperative Press Fresh Designs Crochet book series and one of my patterns has been accepted!! YAYAYAYAYAY! So, I now have a secret project that I need to work on. SO EXCITED!!!

Little Mister is just growing and growing and growing. At his 6 week checkup, he was 14 pounds 5 oz. He had gained 6 pounds in 6 weeks! My milk must be pure cream…note to self: probably should stop eating ice cream so much. Yipes. He is still sleeping in our bed with us so I’ve gotten pretty good at the nursing while lying down technique. A little too good, actually. I need to break this habit if I ever want him to sleep in his own bed since he tends to motorboat me in his sleep so he can eat in comfort and never even wake up. It wakes me up, though. And makes me laugh- seeing him doing an impression of Stevie Wonder in his sleep is pretty darn hysterical.

We do hope to get him to sleep in his bed in the near future. Both of us have gotten accustomed to him in bed with us and I must admit that we both like him there. He’s like a security blanket. A security blanket that wiggles, grunts, and cries when he needs to fart. (Seriously- I was so concerned the first few times thinking he was sick or in pain or that I must have dropped my phone on him again (yes for reals….twice). When we found that he just has a problem with nighttime farts, we stopped worrying so much. Still laugh and encourage him to PUSH IT OUT, SON and laugh some more, though.) However, it’s cute now that he’s only 2 months old, but I really don’t want to share a bed with a toddler. I’d really like to have my husband to myself again, quite honestly. Once Little Mister gets over his jet lag, we’ll start working on it. He’s starting to get better with the time change.

What time change and jet lag? Oh. Didn’t I tell you?

We moved. To a land far, far, away. Where? I’m not going to say. And with that, I wish you all a good day. A very g’day. To all of my mates.

Hormones....Nothing More Than...Hormones....

2011-08-30T22:08:00.004-04:00

Faster than a nervous breakdown! Able to make grown women weep like a baby! Up in your brain! It's a wrinkle! It's a fart! NO! It's SUPERHORMONES!

Ah yes. Those wonderful, wacky, all-controlling chemicals have some AH-MA-ZING effects on women- especially those of us who have experienced pregnancy and childbirth. Shall I run down some of the more scrumptious effects for you?

Let me see.... Oh yes- one of the top ten in the Pregnant & Hormonal Woman repertoire: GAS, GAS AND MORE GAS! Not only is your digestive system slower, but you also have an ever growing mass of HUMAN BEING exerting pressure on all facets of your internal plumbing. Eat some beans? OH GOODY! Here comes a rumbling fart. Waddle down the stairs? FART FART FART with every step! Attempt to bend over to look at the toes you know were once there? Burp! And then fart again, just for good measure! A classic Burp-n-Fart tag team! Also occurs when you roll over in bed, especially if you're rolling over trying trying to seduce your husband with your sexy, sexy, whale of a body. Mmmmm.....whale farts. Never have I felt more manly than during the womanly act of pregnancy.

Hmm....what's another fabulous bodily function under the All-Powerful Hormone's control? How's about some Emotional Instability for ya? How's about them apples, huh? Someone ask a stupid question like, "What's the baby's name?" for the eleventy bagillionth time? HULK SMASH YOUR FACE! For reals, dad! We did not have a name for him until he was four days old! It was not some sort of conspiracy against you getting a tattoo with his name blazoned across your chest! I wanted to scream like a banshee every time someone asked the same question over and over and over again. STOP PRESSURING ME!! We'll name him Turd Head after you, you stupid cow! O.M.G. I'm going to poop on my poor little baby's head during labor and then he really is going to be a turd head, all because we can't think of a name for him. My precious little baby boy is *sobbing* going to hate me forever *crying uncontrollably* because I pooped on his head and then spent the first few years of his life in jail for ripping that stupid lady's pancreas out of her big stupid mouth!

How about the good aspects of pregnancy hormones? You know- the ones heard of in myth and legend. Such as a "pregnancy glow." Sweet! Oil slicks on your face to make you a bright and shiny farting whale! How about thick, luscious long hair? Oh so amazing.....ON YOUR FACE!!! And, if you're as lucky as I am, you won't realize you have such long, luxurious facial hair until this past weekend when you are shopping at Costco with your sister who oh-so-helpfully tries to take that inch-long "cat hair" off your cheek only to drop it in horror as it makes your lip do an Elvis impersonation since it's firmly attached and has no intention of letting go. EVER. It wants to stay there and grow and grow and grow so you can use it for dental floss one day. Perhaps perm it or twist it behind your ear. Use it as a lasso around your zits that have made their appearance thanks to your greasy pregnancy glowing face. Or perhaps just let it flap in the breeze so total strangers will have the pleasure of admiring your INCH LONG FACIAL HAIR that your sleep deprived eyes and soon-to-be-dead husband never saw. (Seriously, honey??? How could you let me go out in public like that??? Were your eyes still watery from my whale farts?) And I thought all this time the baby was sweetly cooing "Oooooooh," to me after he was nursing. Instead he was saying, "NOOOOOOO!" because he was horrified by his mother's facial tentacle as it tried to strangle him while he ate.

Oh, but those hormones did allow me to have a very adorable and sweet little boy. One that I just can't stop kissing (though now I fear for his life in case another rogue facial hair makes another assasination attempt). Funny enough, before having him, I couldn't stand how much people kissed babies. I would seriously get grossed out with a shiver up my butt every time I would see someone making out with a baby's head. (Please tell me I'm not the only one who gets butt shivers when I get wigged out!) Now? I totally get it. Apparently it's also thanks to those wonderful hormones that make a baby irresistible to smooch. It's an instinctual behavior that we do to claim them. Like a mother cat licks her kittens, we drench our young with our saliva filled open-mouth kisses to say, "This adorable little bundle of poop is mine!" Hmmm....I guess this means I can stop licking him now. I was feeling so feline with my whiskers, I just couldn't help it.

Baby Showers

2011-08-28T10:06:00.001-04:00

I was starting to write a different blog post right now but was distracted while My Mister was changing the baby’s morning poop diaper. As soon as he took off the diaper, he was sprayed with morning pee. Cracks me up every time since I never get peed on. Must be a special bond with his dad.

Big Mister: Ugh! You have a dirty weewee! And now your head is all wet.
Little Mister: cooooo *gummy smile*
Me: *secretly snickering since I don't get peed on so I must be loved the best*
Me: *ashamed to think it's a competition*
Me: *totally winning the love competition*.

Noob Mother Mistakes 101

2011-08-22T22:25:00.000-04:00

Or, Lessons Learned The Hard Way While Out In Public Today

1) Never schedule a doctor's appointment around baby's feeding time. Especially if you have never nursed in public before and ESPECIALLY if your baby sounds like a deranged badger foraging for grubs. Grunting, smacking of the lips, and slurping in the waiting room are embarrassing enough, but when the "grunt, lift leg, and fart for all you're worth" action gets going, all you can do is laugh maniacally in hopes others will follow suit.

2) Always check the diaper bag to ensure proper sized clothing, or any at all, are included. This is especially important when the "super farts" turn into "traveling poops" and make a mad dash up your baby's back. Changing the diaper helps, but the large, smelly yellow spot on the back of your baby's onesie might as well be a neon sign saying, "MY MOM DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING. CALL CPS IMMEDIATELY."

3) In addition to a second (or even third) baby outfit, throw a second outfit for yourself in the diaper bag, as well. That way when you don't have your Boppy and you're trying out a new breastfeeding hold for the first time, in public no less, you'll have backup clothing to hide the huge darkening wet spots that emerges on your shirt and pants after your baby plays "Latch On, Latch Off, Daniel San" over, and over, and over again.

4) When you say, "Note to self, cut baby's nails," in your previous blog post, it's best to follow through and trim those talons ASAP. Gnawing off your baby's nails in public is a social faux pas no matter how daintily and discreetly you think you are doing it.

5) Take detailed notes of all the humiliation the little one put you through. It may come in handy when he is a teenager and says, "You're embarrassing me, mom!" Vengeance is sweet, my love. Muaha. Muahahaha. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Superpower-ish

2011-08-20T00:54:00.002-04:00

I swear- having company coming over is the key to unlocking Flash-like superpowers in the otherwise super-slothful and house-cleaning challenged. I've never been so productive in a span of an hour and a half as I was today. (Yes-he's back to eating every 2 hours again. Don't know what's going on with that boy, but he's growing like a weed.) As soon as Little Mister fell asleep after his feed, I popped him off, threw him in his car seat (where all the cool babies take a nap) and flew like the wind, throwing laundry in the dryer then, WHOOSH! I was off to unload and reload the dishwasher, then KAZAAM! I was vacuuming so fast, the cat thought her nemesis was self propelling and could suck her up at any moment. (Side note- it is really sad that my 12 year old cat is still afraid of the sound of the vacuum. Perhaps if I used it more frequently, she'd be used to it by now.)

At the next napping break, I was so drunk with my new found superpowers that I figured I'd use them on my crochet projects. I finally finished my alpaca Cow(L) yesterday and just need to block it. However, in my cleaning frenzy, I had thrown it in my "get-to-later" box, otherwise known as "people-are-coming-over-and-I-must-hide-the-clutter" box. Also, I've never blocked anything before, so I don't know how I'm going to block a mobius. However, I did have my bag of hexagons that I started working on for my Carnival-like shawl.and figured blocking individual motifs would be easier than blocking a large circular wrap. Ahhh...my naivety is so cute sometimes.

Crocheted by MyDailyFiber who has amazing stuff on her blog and on Ravelry

ACK! How pretty is that? I love how the hexagons make swirls when sewn together. It's like they're hypnotizing me. While I was ~~hypnotized into wasting time~~ researching my yarns on Ravelry, I came across this beautiful knit version that utilized Jojoland Melody Superwash which I bought last year on one of my yarn binges.

From Jojoland yarns

ACKK!! Pretty colors makes it even better! I love the colors of the knit version, but I like the way the hexagons make swirls in the crochet version. So I, being the genius that I am, am combining the better looking crochet version with the better colors of the knit version.

Here are some of my hexes that I have complete:

Swirlies even a nerd would like

As you can see, they aren't too pretty right now. However, through the magic of blocking (so I'm told) they'll blossom into the beautiful hexagon swirls seen above. So I, taking advantage of my hour and a half feeding reprieve, threw them in a bowl of lukewarm water and added some shampoo to gently wash them. I gently squeezed out the water, placed them on a towel, carefully rolled it up and hurriedly stomped all over it to get as much water out as possible. Then I started pinning them on my blocking board. And here's where my true genius shined through.

Hexagon-ish

It took half an hour to pin that sucker. It took longer to pin it than it did to crochet it. Stretching out each side and pinning, then removing the pins from the adjacent side to fix the wonkiness and repinning, and then repeating the process 500 times....G.A.H!! I found Flash's kryptonite. A dainty, lacy piece of crocheted wool can bring down the mightiest of superheroes. (Or so I tell myself so I don't feel so bad).

I, being the ever so ~~stubborn~~ persistent gal that I am thought that I'd risk the ever dwindling nap time and try a second hexagon.

Wha...wha.....huh??

Yikes. I'm just hoping that crocheting them all together will fix those edges and make them kinda straight. I had to leave it looking so sad and deformed because Little Mister was waking up and if I don't feed him right when he starts giving his hunger cues in his sleep, he turns into Audrey 3 and starts clawing at me with his baby dragon claws. (Note to self, it's time to cut his nails.)

So, this is what I have to show for an hour and a half blocking attempt:

Blerg.

Two hexagon-ish swirls and a pile of sopping wet wool.

I am ashamed.

Next time, I'll only wet two spirals to begin with so that I'm not left with a wet pile of FAIL staring me in the face. Blocking. Argh.

The Gege Pie

2011-08-16T14:52:00.000-04:00

The last few days have been great- I've been able to accomplish a few of the things that makes me, me. Have you ever thought of all of the aspects of you that make you, you? When someone asks me, "What do you do?" I always find it difficult to define myself in any one way. Of course they mean, "What do you do as a profession- to make money and contribute to society?" Why is that always one of the first questions people ask? Am I defined by my job? Is my profession the end all and be all of who I am?

Well, for me, the answer to that is a resounding, "NO!" Sure, by education and (current) profession, I'm a Nutritionist. However, that is such a small part of who I am. As a matter of fact, it's probably one of the smallest pieces of the whole Gege Pie, if you will. Especially in the last few weeks when I've been on maternity leave and have not been functioning as a nutritionist. Feels good, actually. (Don't tell my boss!)

However, one aspect that I miss about work is getting dressed up and doing my hair and makeup. I've been feeling really frumpy lately and I don't like it, which is really strange. Normally I have no problem being in shorts and a tank with my hair in a ponytail sans makeup. But now....I'm feeling really...blah. I thought I'd feel this way due to weight gain; however, my body truly has bounced back much better than I could ever have hoped and I'm even back in my regular clothes (though some are are a little more snug right now). It could possibly just be a postpartum hormonal thing, but I bought hair dye yesterday, just in case. (Dude. My hair. It's insane! It's always been thick, but thanks to pregnancy hormones it's redunkulous! Since it's short, I end up having a huge poof around my head and my straight iron just gave up the ghost. Sad face. I had it for about 15 years, though, so it had a god run.)

What are some things that help you feel more like "you" and help banish the blahs?

Anywho, since I'm being so introspective, here are a few of the things I was able to accomplish in the last few days that make me feel like me:

The newest piece of the Gege Pie: Motherhood
I've become adept at baby-watching. I never thought that would become a favorite past time, but it truly has. Seeing the changes that has happened to this tiny little person in the first few weeks of his life has been amazing. A little part of me is sad, though, since he's quickly outgrown his little newborn outfits. He's becoming quite the little chunk and I love it! Due to his breast milk only diet, my Mister started calling our son, "Mister Mustard" every time we have to change him. (If I wanted to end up on STFU Parents, I'd put a picture here to illustrate why. However, even I have limits to my crudeness.) (Shut up. I do.)

The Professional piece of the Gege Pie: Nutrition
Even though it was tough this weekend, I did not succumb to the alluring calls of the Butter Pecan Ice Cream. However, to appease my recent sweet cravings, my Mister and I tried out some Jello sugar free puddings- the kind that are in the refrigerated section. They are only 60 calories per pudding cup and are SO GOOD. Even though I've not yet set up an actual eating plan, I have started reverting back to my pre-pregnancy eating habits....except for the occasional potato chip fix. My solution for that is to buy a small, one serving bag whenever I have a craving. That way I don't have a huge bag of chips begging to be snarfed down. If you're interested, I'll share my healthy eating plan with y'all once I write it up.

The On-The-Move piece of the the Gege Pie: Exercise
As I said last time, I've finally been able to get back to exercising, if only occasionally and very slowly. Exercise is one of the main ways that I feel like "me" again and I can't wait until I'm back to running. As I told Crochet Blogger in the comments, I don't normally feel like I've worked out unless I'm sweating like a hog and my heart is pounding. However, I must admit that I did feel the effects of my Pilates workout yesterday. (I have the Complete Yoga and Pilates series and I love it!) I'm hoping to be able to do a little something each day- whether a video or going on a walk- just to start getting back into some sort of exercise routine. Hopefully Little Mister will sleep after his next feeding so I can get in a little walk on the treadmill today.

The Creative piece of the Gege Pie: Crochet
I've been on a crocheting binge and it's been great! My sister spent a couple days with us, including this weekend, which meant an extra pair of hands to help free up my own. She and I continued my Psych marathon (streaming Netflix = best.invention.EVER.) and I was able to finally finish my Half Granny Scarf. I love it!! It looks great with a black tank top, which my sister just happened to be wearing when we went to the DMV, so she wore my scarf and thus loved it and, of course, asked for one for herself. Ah shucks. Twist my arm. She also requested another Cow(L) in a sparkly pink yarn she spotted in my stash. Once I finish my own Cow(L) in my grey alpaca (YAY! I finally get to use my new loverlies!), I'll start on that for her.

I loved the Granny Scarf so much, I made another one out of dark brown mercerized cotton and then added a beaded edging. Oh.My.Lanta. I love it even more! Hopefully, if there is no rain either today or tomorrow evening, I'll have my Mister take some pictures. Scarves I'll wear- especially these ones. I'm hoping that I'll work up to wearing my other wraps/shawls, as well.(Hey- I'm nothing if not optimistic.)

The Entertaining Piece of the Gege Pie: Acting
This one is a little bittersweet. Remember the World Independent Music and Film Festival from last year? You know, the one where I won a little award proclaiming to the entire world that I was the BEST ACTRESS EVER? Well, they asked me back this year to present this year's Best Actress Award. I was really excited about this- getting dressed up and going out this weekend sure sounds good right about now. However, I had to turn them down. For one, I'd have to leave Little Mister home with his daddy. We've never given Little Mister a bottle and I don't know if he'll take it (and I must admit I don't like the thought of him having a bottle- even though it's pumped milk. Very strange- never thought I'd feel that way. It actually gives me anxiety for some reason. Huh.) Secondly, my sister-in-law and her husband are going to be visiting us, so I'd rather spend time with them than be in DC, abandoning my baby and having separation anxiety.

I think a reason I've been feeling "blah" is because I have an innate need to have many balls up in the air. I am multifaceted and can't focus on just one aspect of myself and feel whole. I am the most miserable when I am working full-time and don't have any time for any of my other interests. (Which totally explains the last few months of my pregnancy.) I cannot sum up, "What do you do?" with one word and actually feel happy about it. Now that I have time to focus on other aspects of myself, I'm starting to feel whole again and it really feels good!

Ok- Little Mister is finally asleep, so off to the treadmill I go. And then I have a box of hair dye that is calling my name. Good-by blahs!

Unpredictable...That's What You Are....

2011-08-12T23:31:00.000-04:00

Unpredictable...at home or in the car...

I've always thought that one of my strong points is my ability to be spontaneous and just go with the flow. However, now that all I can do is go with the flow, I find myself getting antsy thinking of all the things I should or could be doing. Thankfully, Little Mister has finally been going longer in between feedings, giving me a little extra time to get things done- including getting back on my treadmill for the first time in....ummm....a really long time. (!!)

You have no idea how happy I am about this! No, I wasn't able to run quite yet, but doing more than just waddling along like a bloated duck sure felt good. I was extremely concerned about the gaining weight part of being pregnant- especially since I wasn't able to be as active as I had planned on being. For a normal weight woman, a healthy weight gain is 25-35 pounds. Of course I thought that, being a nutritionist who was going to exercise throughout her pregnancy, I would be able to get away with gaining no more than 15 pounds which would magically disappear as soon as I gave birth. HA!

I actually was gaining weight appropriately and was on target for gaining around 30 pounds, which even though wasn't my personal ideal, I know was a healthy weight gain. Well, Little Mister ended up overcooking and I ended up retaining a butt load of water. Seriously- it was insane how bloated I was! I ended up gaining 40 pounds, but I knew that a good portion of it was water, so I wasn't too freaked about it.

However, the part of me that was still freaked out about it was futilely trying to be "healthy" and "professional" with my postpartum weight loss goals and told myself that it'd be ok if it took a few months to lose all the weight. However, with a combination of shedding a ton of retained water, birthing a fairly large baby, and breastfeeding around the clock, 30 pounds melted right off the first two weeks. BOOYAH! "Healthy" and "professional" took a backseat to "totally wickedly awesome" and "cover of People magazine" in a blink of an eye.

Even though I still have 10 pounds to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight, I actually have almost 20 pounds to go to my regular weight. Unfortunately, I had gained around 10 pounds in the last year due to my first pregnancy and subsequent loss. However, I figured that if I could lose 30 pounds in 2 weeks, then 20 pounds should take only a week and a half, tops, right? ("Rational" left the building, as well.)

Well, since I got used to eating ice cream fairly regularly at the end of my pregnancy, and since I'm burning around 500 extra calories a day by breastfeeding (one huge selling point for me), I've been continuing my dessert eating ways and thus have only dropped 1 more pound. ARGH.

Now, I'm still trying to be as rational, healthy, and professional as I can be and not totally freak out. I know that once I'm able to exercise regularly again, that weight will eventually melt off, too. So, the fact that I was able to exercise twice this week really was a very good thing for me. It may have prevented "total freak out"...for reals.

So, even though I'm usually able to just go with the flow and not worry too much about planning things, I am working on a postpartum weight loss plan to help me not go insane. One thing that has to change is my new found sweet tooth. Sorry butter pecan ice cream- yes, our affair was quite amazing, but I'm afraid I need to break up with you. I'll miss you terribly, but distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder (and in this case, the thighs get smaller).

I'll also start slowly incorporating exercise back into my life. (I need to keep reminding myself to take it slow....take it slow, Gege!) I think that, since crunches are not the best exercise for postpartum women, I'll start trying pilates (on DVD) and see how that goes.

Hopefully Little Mister will cooperate with me and become slightly more predictable. Right now? Not so much, but that's ok. I'll still keep him.

Night, y'all.

Lessons Learned

2011-08-08T15:47:00.004-04:00

My Little Mister is starting to sleep a little bit longer in between feedings- at least during the afternoon and the first watch of the night (AKA from 8pm-12am). Gives me a little free time to get some things done....like take a mid-morning nap with him. Ahhh...feels so good to cross at least one thing off my to-do list. I've also been trying to reorganize things around the house- my craft zone for one. It's once again become overrun with yarny goodness as well as unfinished projects that seem to accumulate faster than poopy diapers after a feeding frenzy.

Now that I"m a m..m...m...mother, I feel like I've become oh-so-wise in my new life experience and must unburden my new-found wisdom to those of you out there who are not as wise as I am. (Apparently along with wisdom comes patronizing condescension. Huh. Who knew?) So, here are some random lessons learned in these last few weeks:

1) Babies somehow find ways to break the space-time continuum. I don't know how he does it, but dang- two hours (in between feedings) has never gone by so quickly, ever.

2) My crocheting speed is inversely proportional to the speed at which those 2 hours pass. Seriously- WTHeimlich? Getting one row done is quite an accomplishment. Granted, both projects I'm working on are of the shawl/wrap variety, so since I'll most likely never wear them, it makes sense that I'll most likely never finish them.

Half Granny Scarf...I'll be a Full Granny by the time I finish it.

3) Sleeping Baby Farts can bring laughs to even the most sleep deprived grump.

4) You always hear that breastfed babies' poop doesn't stink. Yes. Yes it does. What they mean is that it does not stink as bad as a formula fed baby's poop, which is very true. But it's still poopy smelling, none the less.

5) Do not be discouraged if in the first few weeks your baby is eating non-stop. It does not mean that you do not have enough milk for the little one. It just means they are growing...a lot. The goal for the 2 week checkup is to be back up to the birth weight. We so totally blew by that milestone! He was 8lbs. 12oz at birth, and 9lbs 15oz at his 2 week checkup. He gained almost 2 pounds (including the weight he lost in the hospital) in less than 2 weeks! And all because he was eating non-stop. I should have named him Huey.

6) Car seats are great for sleeping in. (I wonder if the baby would like to try it, too?) They are also great for maternal muscle development. I'm going to have some major guns toting that thing around!

7) Either the Force is strong with my Little Mister, or he is the new Lord of the Dance.

I feel the Force is strong with me.

Alpaca- My New Favorite

2011-08-04T23:17:00.001-04:00

Thank you all for your words of encouragement! One more step in the adjustment process happened today when I bravely ventured out to the grocery store…alone…with Little Mister. I was extremely anxious since I’m pretty sure he’s been going through a growth spurt which is why he’s not been leaving me alone for the past few days. However, he slept pretty well last night (I got a full four hour stretch (!!)) and I thought I’d risk escaping my nursing stronghold for an hour. I’m pleased to report it went extremely well! I used a Moby wrap and, aside from being afraid of both of us overheating, I was able to run through the store and got everything off my list. (No seriously- I ran through there. I really didn’t want to risk him waking up and having to nurse somewhere in public. I’m not ready for that adjustment quite yet.) Successful baby-wearing grocery store visit? Check. Milk for My Mister's cereal so he won't be a grump in the morning? Check. (Totally see where Little Mister gets his grumpy I-need-milk-now! face.)

Something that I wasn’t able to blog about when it happened in May was my trip to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival. My sister and Lyteyz joined me on Day One and we had an absolute blast! I went back by myself on Day Two, which just so happened to be Mother’s Day. Yep- I spent my first Mother’s-to-be-Day by getting a really bodacious high on all sorts of fiber. Best.Day.Ever.


Oh yes- be jealous of my photography skills.

During Day One, my Sister, Lyteyz and I all found out the importance of an A and B conversation, as well as C-ing one's way out of it. We also learned the difference between a cow and an alpaca. (Right, Lyteyz?) The difference being that cows are udderly delicious while alpacas have incredible wool and are now officially my new favorite fiber in the whole world.

I can't think of anything witty...I'm laughing too hard at the poor skinny little thing. And then snarfing his wool.

Since my Sister was the only non-fiber enthusiast, (I know!! I think she's adopted, too!) I told her that I'd make her something- anything- she wanted. She actually saw a (knitted) cowl she loved and asked if I could make her one. After once again explaining the difference between crochet and it's pointy-sticked, ugly step-sister, I told her that I could indeed make her a cowl. I then let her pick out the yarn with which she'd like me to make it.

(Side note: I was able to be generous with this offer, and was able to splurge (relatively) guilt free, since I had just booked an acting gig that week and told My Mister that it was a sign from Heaven that I was supposed to buy all the yarn I could get my grubby little hands on. I was not only able to score on yarns that I would not normally have access to, but I also have an acting video of me while preggers. Teehee! It was for the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, but I'm still waiting for the video to be posted on their website.)

My Sister chose this absolutely gorgeous, buttery soft fiber that I just wanted to roll around naked in. Say it with me, folks: AL-PAC-A. *Swoon*

My Sister tried out a skein around her neck to see if the color would work on her. I thought it looked great. Lyteyz came on over and said, "That looks like a cow." We then went into the whole "A/B conversation" discussion and how the fiber was alpaca- not cow- derr Lyteyz. And then we realized she actually said COWL and subsequently realized my Sister and I can be a rude couple of turd buckets together. Even so, we all may have laughed hysterically over this conversation and may have laughed even harder when a girl passed by and we heard her say, "I want to give worsted weight to my aunt and I want to give fingering to my sister." (It didn't help that the yarn my Sister chose happened to be fingering weight. I now want to retract my desire to roll around naked in it.)

Among other fibers, I was able to get light cream, grey, and natural black skeins of alpaca. Such loverlies! After my two days at the Festival, this was my score:

Lots of sheepy and alpaca-y goodness!

The one thing that irked me about the black alpaca was that it was a bear to wind. It was full of knots and drove me crazy!

600 yards of a natural black alpaca HEADACHE

After untangling and winding my new stash additions, I was then able to plan out my Cow(L).

It's a mobius, which, as I mentioned earlier, I've been wanting to do forever. Lyteyz loved it and volunteered to test out my pattern for me. (Crossing fingers it will be published this weekend)

The gorgeous purple one that Lyteyz made is made out of wonderful, beautiful alpaca, which she said was wonderful and beautiful to work with. You see, she had to let me know this since the one I made for my Sister was NOT made out of alpaca. *HUGE SIGH*

Even though it is very wonderfully soft and gorgeous, my Sister happens to be allergic to it when around her neck for an extended period of time. Also, she has a pair of cats that would make mince meat out of it. Oh, and it needs to be hand washed and air dried- a deal breaker for my wash-n-wear sister.

So, the one I made is out of Patons Stretch Socks- a cotton/wool/nylon/elastic blend. Wash-n-wear, baby. It's also fingering weight.*snortle*

Ok- the Little Mister is a-callin'. Peace out, y'all.

Ch...ch...ch...Changes....

2011-08-02T18:41:00.000-04:00

....of life....of diapers....of clothes that have been peed on while changing said diapers....of normal.

One of the first things you hear when people find out you're pregnant is, "Life is going to change for you!" Of course I, with my overly confident outlook on life, said, "Well, it's only going to change as much as we let it change. Just because we're having a baby doesn't mean we have to stop living!"

Ha! Oh so naive and optimistic me of a few weeks ago! (Actually, no- it was a very angry, moody, and miserable me of a few weeks ago. The naive/optimistic me was much, much longer ago.) Not only have I stopped "living" the way I was used to (who knew that having a baby perma-attached to your bosom would limit your ability to just jump in the car and go to the grocery store anytime you needed to?), I've stopped sleeping, eating, and even grooming the way I was used to. (I finally was able to brush my teeth and put on my contacts at 3 this afternoon. Maybe that's why he was so cranky today- mama's all-day-morning breath probably wasn't such a treat.)

Granted, I still have a newborn and am still trying to figure out this whole, "Oh-My-Lanta- I am a MOTHER now!" thingy and I do need to give both myself and my baby time to actually adjust to all of the changes that have occurred in our lives (Me: having a tiny little being completely dependent on me for everything in his life. Him: getting mama back for all of the gas noises he heard throughout the nine months in her belly. Seriously- he totally did a lift the leg, grunt, and push out a fart while nursing yesterday. I laughed so hard, it startled him awake. That's our boy!)

One of the changes I've been dealing with is his inability to sleep in his crib at night. Or during the day. I know newborns need to feel secure and there's really no way you can "spoil" them at this age, so I don't feel entirely too guilty for co-sleeping with him at this point. I never thought I'd let him sleep with us since I was totally afraid of smothering him in his sleep. And because I never thought I'd be one of "those" moms. However, we tried the whole swaddling him and shushing him to sleep from Happiest Baby on the Block. (TOTAL PACK OF LIES, by the way!) But he completely HATES being swaddled. He would cry bloody murder every time we would try it and then he'd grunt and fuss and wriggle his little arms out so that he could sleep with them above his head. If I let him sleep with me, he actually sleeps! Me? Not so much. But I'm adjusting. The crazy thing is that *I* actually feel comforted when he's sleeping with me instead of in his bed or swing. At first it was a pain to keep him with me. Now? I really enjoy it. Didn't see that one coming.

FINALLY taking a nap in his crib today! (Nooo! I need you! I mean, you need me, remember?!?)

Another change is in the way I want to spend my day. It's really weird. Before he was born, I'd have no qualms spending a day off in bed or on the couch either crocheting, napping, reading, surfing the net- just being totally ~~lazy~~ chill and enjoying my day off. Now? For whatever reason, being a mom somehow makes me want to- I can barely get the words out- clean my house. What the what?!? I KNOW! It must be the hormones and lack of sleep talking. Maybe I need to lie down until the urge passes....

Actually, I think it's the fact that I now have no choice in the matter. Before, I could do chores around the house if I wanted to. ("If'" being the operative word.) Now? That choice is gone- I'm at the mercy of this tiny little hungry baby in order to do anything at all. That's another change I didn't see coming. I'm pinned to my bed and have the prime opportunity to do everything I normally enjoy doing guilt free and all I can think about is, "I really need to clean the bathroom." I don't know who I am anymore!!

Well, I'm going to take advantage of his napping on me (I was burping him and he crashed on my chest. I love it!) and finish my Half Granny Scarf I've been working on for a while. Easy stitch and easy pattern for an easy time of enoying my Little Mister. I could get used to this change. :)

The Gege Bag Pattern- FINALLY available

2011-08-01T13:48:00.000-04:00

Ok everyone. This one has been a looong time coming.

It is the first project I listed on my blog when I first started blogging. It's the first pattern I ever came up with. It also took me for freakin' EVAH to finalize it as a pattern. (Maternity leave being utilized as much as possible. There's not much I can do with one hand while sitting on my butt for feeding times.)

But now, I'm so very pleased (and relieved! One less monkey on my back!) to announce that the pattern for The Bag that started it all for me is finally available! WHOO HOO!

Check it out in my Etsy store. Now there are: one, two- TWO GegeCrochet patterns available! AhAhAhAhAh! (Is it weird that one of the reason's I'm psyched to have a kid is that I get to watch Sesame Street ~~still~~ again?)

Yay! One down..... many more to go. ;)

Feeding Frenzy

2011-07-30T17:59:00.000-04:00

I can’t believe how much happier I am now that my Little Mister is out rather than in. Let’s just say that I was a less-than-chipper-Gege during the last few months of my pregnancy. Even with the current lack of sleep, loads of dirty diapers and clothes, and the first few days of the Breastfeeding Olympics, the change in my attitude- heck, even my outlook on life- has been tremendous. I no longer want to cold clock total strangers for being idiots anymore. (Well….sometimes….) My legs and feet actually look like legs and feet rather than tree trunks and boat paddles. I’m not sitting all day long at work thinking how much my tail and pubic bones hurt anymore. And, most importantly, I don’t resent My Mister for “doing this to me” nor my baby for refusing to be born. (Seriously- I begged and pleaded with him to come out only to hear, “Not gonna do it,” in his best Dana Carvey/Bush Senior impression.)

I’m happy to report that I no longer have to contort myself in order to get him latched on. For the first few days, I had to use a breast shield to assist with latching. While in the hospital, the only way I could get him fed was with the help of the lactation consultant who calmed him down by jiggling him and sticking her fingers in his mouth. My Little Mister would go from insanely cute sleeping little baby to head spinning psycho child in a flash, screaming at the top of his lungs, “I AM AWAKE! WHY IS THERE NO BOOBIE IN MY MOUTH?!?”

At home, I was so frustrated since the breast shield made the whole process take longer which made the screaming go on and on. If only he would CLOSE HIS MOUTH, he would get some food. My eyes twitched while my arms jiggled him from side to side as I wrapped him around my back in a standing football hold, trying to dance with him futilely trying to get him to calm down, all while biting my tongue so I wouldn’t yell, “THE FOOD IS RIGHT THERE- JUST CLOSE YOUR MOUTH SCREAMING LITTLE BABY! GAH!!!!”

My Mister, who is super supportive of breastfeeding, would finally tell me to just give him a bottle (he could see how frustrated and tired I was and he wanted to help, plus I had pumped milk at the ready) but I was ~~too stubborn~~ absolutely determined to make breastfeeding work. I prayed that the Lord would let just this one thing go well for me since my whole pregnancy (while a healthy one, which I’m thankful for) and delivery did not go the way I had planned- just PLEASE let this one thing go well for me. Well, thankfully, after a few days home, I no longer thought we should have kidnapped the lactation consultant to be our indentured servant when we had the chance. With a little bait and switch with the bottle (I’d let him suck about 5 times on the bottle- just enough to take the edge off- before switching it for the real deal), we were able to conquer breastfeeding. Whoohoo!!!!

The great thing about this whole ordeal is that I have yet another area of expertise where I am able to practice what I preach. Something I always tell my clients is that, “From the feedback I get from other women, once you get over the first couple weeks or so, you have it made. While breastfeeding is one of the most natural things to do, it’s not always the easiest thing to do- especially as a first time mom with no experience.” As I struggled in that first week, I kept reminding myself that this was normal- all I had to do was get past the first couple weeks and we’d be golden. Now when I counsel my clients, I can tell them, “From my EXPERIENCE…..” and that is a wonderful feeling.

Ok....I've got so many things I need to catch up on blog wise. Hopefully I'll be able to utilize my maternity leave effectively and get some of them out there. Lots of pictures, stories, new projects I've made, and more baby stuff, too. Peace out, homies.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh…..Why is There a Monkey on My Head??

2011-07-24T13:36:00.001-04:00

I’m so very pleased to let y’all know that our little bundle of joy has finally made his appearance. He’s been a long time coming (an almost interminable time in pregnancy years), but I now have a new Little Mister in my life. I'm so very blown away at how much and how quickly I could fall so totally and completely in love with such a perfect, tiny little human. He makes us laugh at all his cute little faces and it never gets old when he decides to poop on my Mister just as he's changing his diaper.

My labor and delivery was exactly like my pregnancy- nothing went the way I thought it would. A word from the wise- just because you may have a “perfect” birth plan in place and take all the right classes and watch all the right videos, the reality of birth overrides the best of intentions.

I’ve been really busy with feeding the little guy. I never thought something so small could consume so much all throughout the day. I also now nominate breastfeeding as a new Olympic sport. Let’s just say I’ve had to get creative in order to get him to latch well. However, once he does latch, boy-howdy! Can that little guy go to town! At this rate, I’ll definitely lose all the pregnancy weight and then some- he’s sucking me dry!

Ok- I don’t have much time before we have to go train for the Booby Olympics again, so I have to wrap this up. Without further ado, here’s my Little Mister in his Sock Monkey hat I made him.

A little monkey for our little monkey

ACK! Have you ever seen anything so cute in your life????? (I’m, of course, not in any way biased at all. Cuteness Spotting is my secondary Olympic sport, after Breastfeeding.)

The following picture is from the first time I tried the hat on him- I didn’t stretch it out* before forcing it onto his cute little noggin.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh…..Why is There a Monkey on My Head??

I laughed so hard I was crying. I am definitely going to have fun with this little child o'mine. :)

* Alterations made to the Sock Monkey Hat pattern: I used Aunt Lydia's Fashion Crochet Cotton size 3 in white, red, black and a dark brown. (Sorry for the non-specific colors...I'll update when I have time.) I held the thread doubled for the hat but single for the eyes and mouth. I used a Susan Bates size G hook, which is slightly smaller than a Boye size G. (I like using Susan Bates for cotton but will normally use Boye for everything else.) I made the first 3 rows according to the pattern. Then I did a red row with increases. I then did the brown rows without increasing. Because I had fewer stitches per round than the pattern indicated, my second ear flap location does not follow the pattern's count- just figure out the center and place it there. For the mouth, I chained 12 instead of 15. Since it's cotton, be sure to stretch it out prior to forcing it on a newborn's skull, otherwise you'll have a pretty cranky (if not insanely adorable) little one on your hands. :)

I'm here! Baby is not....

2011-07-05T16:40:00.002-04:00

Why hello out there! Happy Independence Day!! (Ok- I started writing this yesterday but didn’t get it finished. Boo me.) I’ve wanted to do an update for a while now but, in addition to not having the time and energy after work, the words just didn’t seem to want to come for me. Mainly because I’m STILL pregnant and most of the words that would come are along the lines of, “I’M SO MISERABLE! When is this baby ever going to get here? My butt hurts sooooo bad!”

Yeah…..lot’s of complaining and, as much as being a sullen-still-pregnant woman has become my reality, it really doesn’t lead to a very entertaining read, ya know? (But seriously, if I turn into a 42 weeker, I may quite literally go insane.)

I do want to say thank you to all of you who have been asking about me! I've got lots of emails, Ravmails, and comments to respond to. Thank you so very much- I really do appreciate it. :)

As of last week, I am officially on maternity leave. Can I get a HALLELUJER out there?? Since I’ve been off, I’ve been able to just rest, keep my feet up (or “flippers” as my Mister now calls them. He offered to buy me some clown shoes for comfort. After the impulse to smack him upside the head subsided, I almost took him up on the offer), and even get in a little crochet. Woot!

I’ve designed and crocheted something I’ve wanted to do for a long time- a Mobius wrap. Here’s a pic of it on my sis.

More pics- and the entire story, including the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival, AND the pattern- are coming soon. (Yay! I actually have time to spend on the internets now! Unless the little one comes tonight….then….well, the next post will not be about crochet.)

Something that I wish I was able to show you right now is my Geekling’s blanket. Unfortunately, I’ve not finished it since I had other things on my plate. Now, however, that will change and I hope to work on it this week. (Again, unless he decides to show up tonight. I’m hoping if I say it enough times, he’ll get the hint and finally make his debut.) I’ve not stressed too much about not having it done since it’s about 500 degrees outside and I’ll definitely not be able to use it as a receiving blanket. That being said, I felt bad about not having a blanket made to bring him home in. As much as I really appreciate all of the blankets I’ve received from my baby showers (Yes! Plural! I had 3 showers- I’ve got the best family, friends, and coworkers in the whole world!), I just felt like a bad crocheting mom by not having something handmade for him. So, last week I whipped up this little number.

What looks like a simple dark blue/light blue ripple blanket is actually a nerdy math blanket that is also cute. The stripe pattern is the Fibonacci sequence and is something I’ve wanted to do FOR-EVAH! One of my favorite TV shows growing up was Square One- it was a math themed show on PBS. I learned so much about math with that show! One of the highlights was the show-within-a-show called Mathnet. It was a math based spoof on Dragnet and was both educational and very entertaining. Each weekday they'd have a little piece of the math-based mystery revealed until the grand finale on Friday.

Well, one of my ultimate favorite episodes had to do with the Fibonacci sequence. A rich man died leaving a fortune and one of the clues was his parrot who would say, "1, 1, 2, 3. FIVE! Eureka!!" It has always stuck in my head and I've been thinking of different ways to incorporate it into my crochet. This blanket was a perfect opportunity!

Pattern is the Easy Ripple Afghan with the Fibonacci stripe pattern starting with 8 (8, 5, 3, 2, 1, 1).

Until next time- enjoy some Mathnet!

Checking In

2011-04-25T22:53:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all! Just wanted to do a quick check in. Everything here is going well. I've just been kept pretty busy with work, purse orders, birthdays, baby showers, pattern writing, and a little bit of book escapism (I've read 5 books in the last 2 weeks...I've been burrowing deep in escapism). All of it has added up to not being able to finish a very pic heavy blog post I started last week. So, hopefully this week I'll be able to get all those pics in a very huge blog dump. (thanks , Kuddles for asking about me- no need to worry!)

Anywho- thinking about starting book #6 tonight but may end up crashing soon since my Mister and I just got back from a 45 minute walk. Well, he walked. I kinda waddled along beside him. Now to waddle off to bed. May end up dreaming of a large, slightly bloated, crime fighting duck tonight. (Crimefighting due to a discussion we had during our walk that had to do with unknown people following us and ended with me saying I'd do a Kung Fu Panda "skadoosh" on them with the Geekling kicking at the same time to intensify our attack. My Mister just shook his head and changed the subject.)

'night y'all.

A Whale of a Dream

2011-04-07T09:57:00.001-04:00

I’m so very proud to report that I did indeed exercise last night. I warmed up on my treadmill for a quarter mile. I then popped in my new Prenatal Yoga DVD (finally) and found that, not only am I still pretty limber, but also when I jokingly called it “Downwind Farting Dog” pose, I was being prophetic. That being said, that particular stretch actually really helped with my tailbone- by extending the stretch and pushing my derriere even farther into the air like a stink beetle actually did help. Huh. Who knew?

I finished off my workout by walking an additional mile. So, I walked a total of 30 minutes plus 30 minutes of yoga stretching- SOOOOO proud of myself!

Now, I don’t know if it was the exercise that triggered my weird dreams, or if it’s just the fact that I have a wild imagination anyway and it is now hopped up on dangerous levels of progesterone and estrogen, but man-oh-man did I wake up this morning with my heart a-thumpin’.

I have always had pretty vivid dreams and usually always let my Mister know what crazy adventures I’ve had during the night. I’m much more of a chipper morning person than he is and will very easily take advantage of his morning groggies and download my crazies on him. He will then heavily sigh, sleepily moan, “Urrrgh…notagain…you’recrazy,” and then try to get away from my incessant chattering.

This morning I decided to keep him captive in our morning snuggle since my dream had to do with him and I trying to get away from killer whales in the Caribbean after being gifted with a mama and baby seal. Yeah. I don’t know, either.

Some lady I’ve never met in real life but looked like a mix of Susan Clark’s “Ma’am” from Webster and Carol Burnett as Mrs. Hannigan from Annie, was taking us for a surprise trip in the middle of the ocean and happily gave us the seals. I was enjoying the private boat ride and was watching them play when the lady told me, “Why haven’t you gone in yet? It’s weird to not enjoy playing with your new toys.” Yes- she implied I was weird and then called the seals toys.

I, feeling foolish for not knowing I was weird, hastily started putting on my scuba gear and jumped in before putting on my fins and ensuring my O-ring was dry and sealed. My Mister and I do scuba dive in real life and I was starting to panic for reals at this point in the dream because I was rushing to get into the water but was worried that I wasn’t really prepared. The familiar sensation of being in the water and rapid breathing through my regulator had me quickly and shallowly breathing in my sleep and I started feeling my heart race. I knew I was dreaming but was still not able to come out of the dream.

As I was pulling on my fins, my Mister, who was in the boat which was now about 30 feet away from me, jumped into the water but without his scuba gear. He was just going to swim. We seemed to be by some huge trees/a grove of some sort (how it switched to that from being in the middle of the ocean, I have no idea) and there was a large WW2 boat that was wrecked nearby. The strange thing (because everything up to now has been perfectly normal) was that the trees were kinda just floating there. It wasn’t an island- their roots just dangled in the water.

I was still at the surface as he jumped in and I smiled at him- or at least as well as I could with my goggles and regulator on. Then I started panicking. As he was swimming, I noticed a large black shadow coming closer and closer to him. I tried warning him and Ma’am Hannigan but, with my regulator on it just came out like a muffled, “mmmrrrrgghRRRhgmm.” At first it looked like a blue whale face getting closer to the surface but it seemed too small and I think my semi conscious brain kicked in and said, “Blue whales are much larger than that and, besides, they wouldn’t be in the Caribbean.” So, naturally it turned into a killer whale. “Much more realistic,” said my brain. Then more shadows started showing up as his family decided to come around, too.

We started trying to swim away and thought we could escape in the trees since the whales would get tangled up and wouldn’t be able to get to us. The mama and baby seal were around the WW2 boat somewhere and my Mister and I were slapping at the water as the whales kept surfacing by us for air, blowing a watery PUFFFFT in our direction, and slowly slinking back into the water while eyeing us- watching and waiting.

I didn’t want to find out what they were waiting and watching us for. I could feel that I was breathing rapidly and my heart was thumping hard in my chest and my mind was screaming, “WAKE UP BEFORE THEY EAT YOU!” so I forced myself awake and tried slowing down my respiration and calm my palpitations. It was about 6:45am and I turned around and held my Mister in a, “Don’t ever leave me to get eaten by killer whales” death grip. His alarm goes off at 7:00, he hits snooze like normal and we have our normal 7 minutes of snuggle time before he gets up. However, I kept him a little longer since I was still trying to keep him safe from Willy.

He ended up running late for work this morning, so he skipped breakfast which makes him grumpy.

Mister: “Urrgh...We snuggled too long and now I don’t get to have my cereal.”

Me: “But you were almost eaten by a killer whale and there were seals and I love you!”

Mister: “Urrrgh…notagain…you’recrazy.”

The One Where I Talk About Fiber

2011-04-06T21:51:00.003-04:00

Whew! Got to come home "early" today. Had an actual 8 hour work day rather than my normal 9-10 and I really didn't know what to do with myself when I came home. Do I clean out my car and find out what that funky smell is? Should I scoop the cat liter and get rid of that funky smell emanating from the liter box room (AKA the bathroom)? Should I clean out the fridge and find where that funky smell is coming from? Oh look! There's food in the fridge! It must be time to eat! What's that funky smell?

So, I cleaned out my car and fridge and rid the vicinity of the funky smell. Ha! No I didn't! You guys are so gullible. Of course I ate. While wearing nose plugs.

My super healthy and well balanced dinner consisted of Fiber One Carmel Delight or, as I like to call it, Cereal Crack. It really wakes you up and gets you going in the morning. I LOVE this stuff. It is soooo good! I honestly think it's because I've not been eating it for breakfast for the past few days that I am now suffering some backup of the intestinal kind. Because there's a backup, new food has a hard time going down which is bringing back my epic belching episodes that I was hoping were finished over a month ago. I also wonder if my little Geekling is just chilling on my colon thus putting a kink in the hose and making me MIS-ER-ABLE. (I did eat before my Mister got home because 1) he was running late 2) we had leftovers from last night he could eat and 3) I am truly unable to eat a large meal since NOTHING IS COMING OUT. Well, little rabbit turds, but seriously, those do not count.)

Now, as a nutritionist who counsels pregnant women all the time, I know what I'd tell my clients. Increase your fiber intake, increase your fluid intake, and try to move around as much as you can. Well, I really do try to practice what I preach as much as I can. Instead of my Fiber One Cereal Crack, I've been eating Kashi Go Lean Crunch Honey Almond cereal with sliced banana in it. It's high fiber, high protein, and I've needed the potassium from the banana since I've been retaining water a lot lately. (I'm actually pretty sodium sensitive- I eat a little bit of salt and turn into Spongebob Squarepants slightly lumpier older sister: SpongeGege Hugeboobs. Seriously, within 30 minutes of eating a salty meal my pants will feel tight on my waistband and thighs. Not.Comfortable.Captain.)

Nutrition Tidbit: Eating a banana or other potassium rich food will help your body regulate the excess sodium and will help relieve you of the water retention bloat.

I also eat fruit, veggies, high fiber bread for my lunch sandwiches, and drink 80+ oz non-caffeinated fluid per day. I've even been taking Metamucil pills at night which usually brings sweet relief the next morning. The only thing I've not been able to do is be as active as I would like. I've been getting home, making dinner, eating dinner in front of my TV and then zoning out in front of the internetz for an hour or so, taking a shower and going to bed. Yes, my Mister and I do eat dinner in front of the TV. It's a favorite past time and is going to be a very difficult habit to break once our Geekling is here and we try to instill good family habits and start eating at the dinner table. However, since for the first six months my Geekling's dinner table is going to be Jupiter and Saturn, AKA my boobs, we can continue our nightly routine for the next 9 months or so.

Nutrition Tidbit: there are two types of fiber: soluble and insoluble. Soluble fiber is the one that can help lower cholesterol (e.g. oat bran) where insoluble fiber helps gets things moving through the intestines (e.g. whole wheat).

I used to be able to finish my dinner and then go work out from about 8-10pm. I used to really enjoy doing that and, truth be told, feel really guilty that I'm not doing that now. However, now I'm just so freaking exhausted and am letting the lazies take over. There's only so much you can do during the day and sometimes I choose to blog rather than exercise. So, it's all y'alls fault that I'm constipated. I hope you're happy with yourselves.

Ok, ok. So my own bad habits might have a little something to do with it. I do think that my lack of exercise in the evening is part of the reason my tailbone has been killing me lately. (Btw: I received my coccyx pillow this weekend but it was not the miracle worker I was hoping it was going to be. *sadface*). So, my goal for the rest of the week is to get in at least 30 minutes of walking during the evening. Knowing me, once I get on my treadmill and get a movie going, that 30 minutes will easily become an hour, which would be awesome. I know I can handle it- we spent 3 hours walking in DC this weekend and, apart from having to walk slower than normal, I did much better than I thought I was going to- yay me!

So, I'm hoping to finish up this blog post early and get my patootie on my treadmill- the Tenth Kingdom awaits. (Nicey Nice!) Hopefully things will get moving in the right direction for me soon, which will help alleviate a lot of issues, including my water retention issue. And, quite possibly eliminate that funky smell that seems to follow me everywhere I go.

PS: Because Kuddles requested them in the comments. :)

26 weeks- finally have a bump!

Errr....3 bumps....

On the Next Episode of GegeCrochet....

2011-04-04T22:18:00.000-04:00

I have a lot to share about this past week- lots of blog posts that have been simmering in my brain all week- and yet no time to get them out. Blerg. I'm overworked, undersleeped (it's a word- look it up), over committed, and under medicated right now. I have lots of pictures to share (DC Cherry Blossoms! And maybe a bump pic or two. Teehee!) but no time to go through them. I'm frazzled and stressed and wondering how much more my belly and boobs can stretch. (Answer: apparently lots more for my belly- it's not too terribly big right now but great googly moogly! Am I going to be feeding an army with these suckers or what??)

I've got some food posts (wasn't done with my fruit education for y'all just yet), some crochet posts (have another Ask Gege video segment coming down the pike- this time on felting!), and there's a very good chance for some more random ramblings of a hormonal and gassy pregnant woman (100% chance of it happening tonight). But for now.....I sleep. And hopefully poop. Hopefully not at the same time.

Laters, y'all.

How Do You Spell Relief? S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G

2011-03-29T23:14:00.002-04:00

Online shopping, that is. Come on- I had to relax and recoup from an insane couple of weeks. Do you honestly think that going into a store would help me with that? I *hate* shopping. (Yarn, book, and grocery shopping are the only exceptions.) Granted, I did have to go into an actual store this weekend since I am woefully low on clothes that fit my ever expanding body. Let's just say my "girls" spell relief: n-o-m-o-r-e-q-u-a-d-r-o-b-o-o-b.

I've finally been able to rest up and put the craziness of Children's Day at the Mall behind me. Well, almost. As I told Tracy and Kuddles in the comments from last post, I could always use some more sleep. Especially since I may have been a leeeetle eensy weensy bit crankier than normal recently. Lack of sleep, stress, raging pregnancy hormones...not a pretty picture. I was feeling like Hallmark's Maxine and was just hoping for a neighbor kid to wander onto my yard so I could shake my fist and yell, "Hey! Get off the lawn! *muttering* Crazy kids these days have no respect... And pick up that dog turd!" I also seem to use a New York accent when I tell them that. With a gravelly old lady smoker voice. (No- I wasn't testing out my gravelly old lady voice just now. Shut up.)

Something else has been really bothering me a lot lately- a huge pain in my butt. Literally. My tailbone has been killing me for some time and my lower back has also been acting up from all the standing from the fruit preparation/cooking I've been doing. I was hoping to find a donut pillow at Target or something but no such luck. I did order a coccyx pillow (online!) and am anxiously awaiting it- hopefully tomorrow or Thursday. I also think I'll crochet a pillow cover for it so that when people see me lugging it around everywhere I go, instead of thinking, "I wonder what's wrong with her butt?" they'll think, "That's cute! And the pillow ain't bad, either." Teehee! (I'm serious about the pillow cover- I have one in mind that's making me giggle and I hope it'll look as good in real life as it does in my head. Teehee, again!)

In other shopping news:

My blocking wires arrived but I've not yet had time to utilize them for my Squooshy project. Hopefully Finish Friday will remedy that little problem. Granted, I still need to find "wool wash" to soak it in so I can block it correctly. Argh. Now I know why I've never blocked anything. I hate shopping. And, I'm too lazy.

I had also ordered a few books- I start feeling overwhelmed and I start sneaking back into my ultimate escape zone. With crochet designing you have to think and plot and calculate and frog and curse. Books let you escape everything in real life and let you live vicariously through someone else's, whether real or imaginary. Thus, I read Drunk, Divorced, and Covered in Cat Hair by Crazy Aunt Purl. She was a person I was recommended to follow on Twitter, so I did. I did not know at the time that she ran an insanely successful blog and was also an author. I just thought she was a funny lady who would tweet back to me after I responded to her tweets. I checked out her blog and that's where I found out about her book and, since I was in a money spending mood and Amazon just happened to be opened on my computer, I ordered her book. I then read it in one sitting. I laughed. I cried. It moved me, Bob. I heart her.

I also ordered two crochet books. One I've been wanting for a while- it's Kim Guzman's Learn to Do Tunisian Lace Stitches and it also comes with a DVD that shows step by step how to do the stitches. Like my own personal Kim Guzman Youtube channel. I lurves it! As some of you may know, I'm pretty good with Tunisian crochet color work. However, I've only ever used Tunisian simple stitch and really wanted to try my hand at other Tunisian stitches. I can't wait to start on some of these stitch patterns! (Btw: she's working on a new book (or two?) but may have just been inspired by my little Geekling to create Tunisian Baby Clothes. SQUEE!! Those will be awesome, indeed. Need to start practicing those new stitches! You too! Buy the book!)

The other crochet book is Crochet So Fine by Kristin Omdahl. There are so many gorgeous patterns in this book; however, I bought it primarily for the Shimmer Beaded Lace Cape.

Yes, it's another wrap, but I can actually picture myself wearing this one. I may have also pictured myself wearing huge Jackie-O glasses with a Holly Golightly cigarette holder casually held in the air. Note to self: start smoking. All the cool kids are doing it. (Don't judge me. How else am I supposed to get my gravelly old lady voice?? Have you heard my voice? An admin assistant at my Mister's work thought I was 12. When I get riled up, I start speaking at 400 words per minute and my pitch keeps getting higher and higher. When the dogs start howling, I know it's in the Minnie Mouse on helium range. Although, if I start smoking, I may die of lung cancer or emphysema or, even worse, get premature wrinkles. *shudder* Maybe Minnie Mouse isn't so bad.)

I also bought a prenatal yoga DVD and am going to try it for the first time tonight and am hoping the stretching will help out with my tailbone/back pain. Ok...actually I'm not going to try it tonight. I've been typing too much while sitting on my butt and now it's time to go to bed. Argh. Oh well- Downwind Farting Dog pose will just have to wait till tomorrow.

Get off my lawn!

Pureed, Dried Fruit- Welcome to My World

2011-03-24T23:22:00.000-04:00

So I've been pretty consumed with the NatCroMo portion of March, but haven't really touched much on the NatNutMo (National Nutrition Month) part. These last two weeks have been NatNutMo'd out the wazoo for me so I've pretty much got fiber of the colon cleansing kind on the brain. As I mentioned last time, (yesterday? the day before? what day is it? where am I? I want my mommy!) I am making fruit leathers for Children's Day at the Mall. I've been making a LOT of these gigantic oversized fruit roll-ups. Every day. For the past 10 years.

They are actually very good and quite pretty, if I do say so myself.

Mango Strawberry

Strawberry Mango

I'm actually waiting for another batch (of apple sauce/strawberry/mango) to finish up so I can go to bed. I have one last batch to run tomorrow and then Saturday I'll finally be able to dole them out to all the sticky faced little buggers at the mall. (I may have gotten a tad cranky in the midst of my fruit roll-up filled days.)

Something I learned: if you have a dehydrator, instead of using the fruit roll sheet that comes with it, cut parchment paper to fit the racks. You'll be able to peel the fruit roll off a lot easier and you don't have to worry about washing another dirty dish. Win-win.

Another something I learned: that strawberry mango fruit roll looks so pretty before it dries. However, once it dries, you won't see the pretty mango anymore- just a large red circle. Still tasty, though. But, if you let it dry for too long, instead of strawberry fruit leather you will end up with strawberry fruit paint chips. This does not happen with either the mango rolls or the apple sauce rolls, though.

The great thing about these is that they are 100% fruit. No sugar added. Just blend the fruit and pour. So easy to make and they are really very good! I guarantee that, even if you have a super picky kid who won't touch fruit, they will eat these thinking they are those store-bought, sugary, cavity magnets. They'll never know they are instead eating fiber filled, vitamin and mineral carrying, super good for you, cavity magnets. (Just keeping it real- they are sticky....but soooo good!)

Ok- I hope that dehydrator is finally done. I'm really tired and I truly am getting cranky- my Mister just lovingly told me that he missed me, kissed me, and asked me to go to bed. I ~~yelled at him~~ lovingly replied, "OK! JUST LET ME FINISH MY BLOG!" (Yes- for reals.) I'm a terrible wife.

I'm coming, honey! I'll make you some dried fruit! And a lasagna! Mister? COME BACK AND LOVE ME!

Busy, Busy, Busy

2011-03-21T21:41:00.002-04:00

Just a quick check-in:

1) This Finish Friday!!! was a success- although, technically it was a successful Sewing Saturday since I finished the Watermelon Tote for the auction at my church at 3am. I had to take it to my church by 8:30am Saturday. My church is 35 minutes away from my house, so I had 4 hours of sleep and am still trying to catch up on my missed slumber. (BTW- it was the most sought after purse and brought in beaucoup bucks at the auction- more than I sell it for in my etsy shop. EEEP! So extremely proud!!)

2) Also on Friday, I was able to make 2 lasagnas for my friend who is recovering from surgery, which is part of the reason I had to sew into the wee hours of the morning. Another part is the whole, "I need clean underwear NOW" thing again. And, finally, the other part has to do with my multiple trips to the grocery store due to my incompetence in reading food labels. FYI: sour cream is NOT cottage cheese and, though some may be able to go rogue and substitute it in a lasagna recipe, I do not mess with my recipe. Ever heard of "Engagement Chicken?" Well, this is my Engagement Lasagna. I believe it is the main reason my Mister married me. He may love it more than he loves me. People ask me for the recipe all the time and I politely decline. This is extremely potent stuff and I take my superpowers seriously. I can't be responsible for duping some poor sap into proposing to his ~~harpie~~ girlfriend. I already duped my ~~poor sap~~ Mister- let them find their own superpower.

3) My Squooshy was long enough! I stubbornly pressed on (and on...and on...) and proved those voices wrong- HA! In your face!! Don't mess with me- I've got superpowers!

4) I'm waiting for some blocking wires I ordered from Amazon so I can block it and then finish what I have in mind for it. Pictures to follow. (The voices are telling me that I've never blocked anything before so what makes me think I'll actually finish this project. Their kryptonite is strong, but my mule-headedness is stronger. I hope....)

5) I'm finally almost to the color work portion of my Geekling's blanket! WOOT! I love it! Unfortunately, so does my cat. My Mister found our darling little girl sleeping on it when he got home from work today. Unfortunately, we haven't cut her nails in a couple weeks. SNAG-O-RAMA. I resisted the urge to scream and cuss at our little ball of fur (took all my superstrength- may need wool infusion very soon!) and instead figured I should make her something so she can leave my stuff alone. This is a pic of her on a different project from a couple weeks ago:

You want it back? You feel lucky, punk?

6) I've been very busy with work stuff. Every year we participate in the Children's Day at the Mall and it is coming up this Saturday. This is the second year that I'm in charge of the food demonstrations. Last year the theme was the Rainforest (or something like that) so I made the Wild Wraps. This year the theme is Space Buddy Blast (or something like that) so I'm making Astronaut Fruit Leathers. Basically fruit roll ups made in a dehydrator. Soooo good. Soooo easy to make. Soooo difficult to keep my Mister away from them. I think it's residual effects from my Engagement Lasagna- makes him want to devour anything and everything that I make. I told you- powerful stuff.

7) Until after Saturday, I'm going to be pretty busy this week so I don't anticipate much crocheting. I'm going to have major overtime which is good on my wallet but bad for....well just about everything else. I really can't wait until Sunday.

I'm checking out early tonight. I'm really exhausted, y'all. Superpowers fading....send wool reinforcements.......must....eat......lasagna......

The Road Goes Ever On and On...and On...and On....

2011-03-16T23:22:00.005-04:00

I'm feeling a little like Bilbo right now. I've even shaved my feet, but that didn't seem to help. (Although it did help my Mister not cower in fear anymore when I take off my socks.) I've been working on my variegated project to just git-r-done, but it's a pretty monotonous two-row repeat ripple all done in dc and chain stitches. Since the yarn is sock weight, the length just doesn't seem like it's getting long enough fast enough for the number of stitches in it. I don't even think blocking is going to get the length I was envisioning for it, which means....I really should listen to the voices in my head, just this once, and frog the sucker so I can start all over again. Granted, I'm just ~~obsessive~~ ~~stubborn~~ dedicated enough to finish it off to see if maybe, just maybe, it will be long enough. And just to prove those voices wrong so I can laugh in their faces with my sweet, sweet triumph. Victory will be mine, witches! Muahahahahaha!

Ahem.

My other project- my Geekling's blanket- is something I'm very excited about and I can't wait to see it completed. However, for far too many rows of the blanket, it's a pretty boring length of Tunisian simple stitch. It will all be worth it (the voices keep telling me) but for now it's a mite bit repetitive. I can't wait til I start on the color work, which is what is fueling my obsession right now. "I'm another row closer....another row closer... another row...great googly moogly! How many stinking rows are there??!?"

So, hopefully sometime soon I'll be able to show you what I've been working on- either a finished variegated project, or a newly rewound ball of Squooshy ~~that I'll auction off on Ebay after stomping on it like a petulant child~~. Geekling's blanket will take a little longer, but that one will definitely get finished.

I am already planning for this Finish Friday- I do need to line my Watermelon Tote since the auction is Saturday. I don't think I'll be able to do much more than that since a dear friend of mine has just had emergency surgery and I've volunteered to take her family a couple lasagnas for dinner. (She's married with 4 boys- 3 of them teenagers. Prayers for her are greatly appreciated. Also for her recovery.)

Take it away, Bilbo.

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.
J.R.R. Tolkien

Stitches go ever ever on,
Over hook and under me,
By couches where never vacuum has gone,
By cats that always seem to see;
Over projects my hands have done
And through the woolly messes strewn,
Over pillows and my hun,
And under tables all afternoon
GegeCrochet

Ask Gege: Adding Tunisian Stitches

2011-03-13T18:00:00.001-04:00

I received a question from a blog reader from Canada (welcome, eh!) that read:

"I have started a blanket with the Tunisian stitch. The dilemma I am having right now is that I did not stitch enough rows. I am wondering, can I somehow add rows to my already half done blanket? Thanks for your time."

I did respond to this reader, but thought, "This looks like a job for...*dun da da dun* Super Gege!" After images of my glorious cape gracefully waving in the wind subsided, I decided that the only proper way to demonstrate how to do this was via video. Sooooo......without further ado, here's my first installment of "Ask Gege"

You can see the last remnant of my Neti Pot mishap, but as you can see, my Monkey's Paw has healed rather well. I do hope this video helps! I'll try to do more of these videos for questions that come my way.

Now I'm off to my creative hovel...and to make dinner. On the menu? Salmon en Papillote by Alton Brown. Healthy, quick, easy and SOOOO YUM!

Finish Friday-ish

2011-03-12T23:52:00.000-05:00

This Finish Friday!!! definitely was not as successful as the last one. At least in the "finish" sense. I did want to work on lining my Watermelon bag; however, I found that the auction isn't until next weekend. When given the opportunity to procrastinate, I always say, "Yes, please." I don't look a gift horse in the mouth. The tartar buildup is disgusting. Also, I was very distracted by two different projects.

The first one is my variegated experiment that I've been doodling with. I figured that combining the Squooshy yarn with a solid plum color would temper the color blotches and hopefully calm the uneasiness I was feeling.

AKA: Yarn Maalox

The color changes were definitely a lot subtler and the new yarn matched perfectly. I used a worsted weight wool/acrylic blend with 20% wool. The Squooshy is 80% wool, so combining them gave me 100% woolly goodness. (It's yarn- my math is supposed to be fuzzy.) Even though I was liking the color, the bulkiness of the combined yarn wasn't feeling right for what I have in mind. I used a J hook at first but the fabric was a little stiffer than I was hoping. So I frogged it and tried with a K hook. It definitely had better drape; however, it wasn't the same as the light and fluffy feel the sock yarn had. So, I decided to frog it yet again and start over, yet again, with just the Squooshy. (Ok, yes I do love this yarn because of the purple color and feel, but I must admit that the name just makes me happy. Squooshy. Squooshysquooshysquooshy! It's what Charo would say if you gave her a crochet hook instead of a guitar.)

The second project that had me distracted is one that I'm VERY excited about. It's my Geekling's baby blanket and I was finally able to buy the yarn for it. I also had to finish planning it out (with hopefully non-fuzzy math), so that took a bit of time. However, I am pleased to say that I have started it and it will most likely take up most of my time for the next couple weeks. SO EXCITED!

I took the variegated project with me to the movies tonight and, in honor of NatCroMo, I happily crocheted in public while standing in line at Chipotle and while waiting for the movie to start. (We saw Battle: Los Angeles. Spoiler alert: Los Angeles is saved at the end. You may rest easy tonight.) As I mentioned before, I really haven't been crocheting since September, so it really does feel good to have those creative juices flowing again. Even my Mister asked me tonight, "You have your mojo back, don't you?" Yeah, baby, yeah! I got my mojo back!

So, even though I didn't finish a project this Friday, I did check two things off my list: I finished planning the new blanket, bought the yarn, and started ~~obsessing about~~ crocheting it. Huge win!

Wait.....*counting*. Stupid fuzzy math.

Squooshysquooshy!

To Variegate or Not to Variegate, That is the Question

2011-03-09T20:10:00.004-05:00

This week has really been a great, creative week for me. I was able to finish another bag (for me!) and have been working on a project that was in my "need to frog and reuse the yarn" bin. Lyteyz talked me into finishing it when she was over Saturday and I'm glad she did. New projects have been tumbling through my head, as well, which is always fun. Granted, that usually means I'm going to go through a spurt of Crochet ADD which means my Mister is going to start getting stressed as the yarn slowly but surely takes over our house again, but, meh. He'll get over it.

Actually, this week has been full of "new." (Like when I said, "Well, that's new," when I sneezed and was surprised by a wee bit of wee that squeezed out. Being pregnant just keeps getting better and better.) I am working on a new project utilizing a new yarn in a sock weight, which is also new to me. However, what is not so new is that it's a variegated yarn. I've had some bad experiences with variegated yarn (see blog post here)- it was the yarn I learned to crochet with and....well:

Yes. I know. Shut up.

The pattern for that purse was made with two strands of yarn held together. I held two strands of different variegated yarn together because, as my crochet newbie mind reasoned, if they were pretty individually, they must be mind blowingly beautiful together. Obviously I was wrong. Had I held one of the variegated with a solid yarn, the outcome would have been much more tempered rather than seizure inducing.

This is the first round ripple I made:

I made it for my sister because she loves pink. That middle pink/red variegated yarn was one of my first yarn purchases (surprising, no?) and I loved it. However, I've always had a little "off" feeling with this blanket. Don't get me wrong- I was extremely proud of myself since I had just learned to crochet and made my first large item and my sister does use it. I like the stripe of variegated yarn that separates the colors, but that large puddle of variegated yarn in the middle has always bugged me. It just feels like it somehow doesn't quite belong there- center stage. Granted, now that I'm preggers, all I can see is a darkened areola on a large pink boob. I hope my sis doesn't read this post- all she'll think about is her boob blanket.

I've since learned how to use variegated yarn sparingly which has resulted in much better results:

First purse I made for her- makes up for the boob blanket

Made 3 of these- one for me!

But, other than felting with it (I have quite a few variegated wools in my stash), I'm a little gun shy about pulling out the multi-colored yarn.

Which brings me to today. I had won a skein of Zen Garden Squooshy Yarn as one of my Bobby Awards last year (generously gifted by DodgeCreations.). The colorway is Grape Burst and it's in purples (my love!) and pinks, so of course I fell in love with it right away.

Purple AND Pink- swoon!

Doesn't it seem like it is going to be a self striping yarn? The colors seemed spaced a good distance apart, so I was not bound with fear when I thought of using it. Self striping? Bring it. Color puke stain? Makes me clench tight with nervousness- just like sneezing now.

So, imagine the knot in my stomach when I finally found a simple stitch pattern to showcase the purple and pink loverlies and, instead of self striping, I saw this:

Et tu, loverlies?

My nervous tic subsided a bit when I tweeted this pic earlier today and received feedback from @CrochetAllDay who said she thought it looked nice and from @CrochetKim who said she thought it was pretty. (Btw, Kim Guzman just happens to be one of the most gifted and awesome crochet designers out there. If you have ever been on Crochetville or seen any crochet magazine, you've seen her work. Her Luna Sweater is going to be the first garment I make myself once the Geekling arrives.) Since two crocheters that I very much respect voiced their approval, I find myself second guessing my original apprehension.

So, I'm going to continue on with this new project. I think it's going to be yet another stole/wrap. Yes I keep making them. No I don't use them. (Sadly, not even my L.A.D.Y. Stole of Transformation from last year. However, I actually want to add to its length but need some more Moda Dea Bamboo Wool, which just so happens to be discontinued. I contacted someone on Ravelry who wants to destash it, so keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get it.) Since I have just one skein of this Squooshy yarn, I'm a little concerned about the finished length. I'm sure blocking will help with that, and I do have an idea for it if it is too short. I'm hoping blocking will also help with the color distribution, as well. We'll just have to see how it ends up. Hopefully it won't be another variegated abomination that leaves another color puke stain on my crocheting career. (Deep breaths, Gege, deep breaths.)

Does anyone out there have some examples of good finished objects from variegated yarn? Anyone? Bueller?

Well, Whatcha Gonna Do?

2011-03-07T23:18:00.012-05:00

Good news: This morning was the first morning in nearly two weeks that I was not jolted awake by a five minute coughing fit of death. I think my cold is FINALLY on its very last legs.

Bad news: It was a very sadistic cold and I think it was trying to end my crocheting career. I bought a Neti Pot last Monday in hopes that it would magically cleanse the virus from my sinuses with its eastern medicine voodoo. I was following the instructions to sterilize the Pot by using water that had been boiled and then swishing it around with dish soap to clean it. However, the instructions did not say to let the water cool before pouring it in, clamping on the lid, blocking the spout and then shaking vigorously like a maraca. The stupidity of my actions clicked in my brain in slow motion as the lid flew off, releasing the built up steam and scalding water all over my crocheting hand. My sister said it looks like The Monkey's Paw. I don't like her. And I feel like an idiot.

Wish for $200. I dare you.

Good news: My hand is healing very well now and it did not impact my ability to crochet. I also did not need a bionic hand transplant like I was ~~hoping~~ fearing.

Good news: Sewing Saturday was a good idea.

Bad news, but Good news, too: Sewing Saturday did not result in any sewing. My friend lyteyz was able to come over but, instead of sewing bag linings like we had hoped, we instead ate and talked and laughed and ate some more. Then I showed her some of the things our sewing machines can do. Then we talked some more. And ate. It was a good Saturday and, even though I didn't get to finish lining my bag, we did have a lot of fun. I also showed her my Bag Lining Tutorial which covers basically everything we were supposed to do but didn't.

Good news: I was productive before lyteyz arrived Saturday morning and I was able to felt all three of the bags I finished on Finish Friday.

Bad news: I used Cascades 220 wool on one of the bags, as well as my beloved Patons. I had asked the LYS owner if Cascades would felt with Patons well and she assured me it would. She lied. Patons is the clear winner in the feltability department. It felts faster with no stitch definition. It is also softer in the hand and costs less AND it comes in a ready wound skein instead of a hank. I really don't see what all the fuss is about Cascades, especially since it left my bag a little wonky. I fart in its general direction.

Smells like....watermelon??

Good news: I think my next Finish Friday!!! will be utilized in finishing my bags. I will finally be able to use my Watermelon Tote this weekend! It'll be mine, all mine!!

Good news: A friend from church asked me to donate one of my bags for a charity auction this coming weekend.

Bad news: The only bag I'll have finished is my Watermelon Tote.

Good/Bad news(?): Time to use The Monkey's Paw.

FINISH FRIDAY!!!

2011-03-04T23:49:00.000-05:00

I'm very pleased to report that my first Finish Friday!!!! was a rousing success. Not only was I able to finish my two Felted Watermelon Totes (whoo me!) but I was also able to finish another purse that I started and had almost completed over a year ago. All I had to do is finish the flap- why I put it off for so long, I'll never know. Especially since I was making it for one of my BFFs. I even showed it to her and she loved it. And then I put it away and never gave it to her. I'm such a tease.

But now all three bags are ready to be felted which makes my heart happy. (I was hoping to have them felted today but my washing machine was otherwise engaged in what is called "laundry day," or as we call it, "I really need clean underwear NOW day".) Even though the crochet work is complete, the bags themselves are not finished per se. They still need to be lined and, well, finished. Blerg. So, I'm thinking of implementing yet another NatCroMo Resolution....at least for tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be (drum roll please!) Sewing Saturday!!!!

I'm hoping lyteyz will be able to come over tomorrow. She has the same sewing machine I do (the very awesome Brother XR900) and we're hoping to have a day of discovery to see what this baby can do. Oh, and line some bags. I have quite a few to do, but I'll be happy if I can knock out one, but hopefully two....or more....unrealistic? Moi?? Never!

I must admit, I really needed this day today. I had been neglecting my hooks for much too long. Sure, I've picked them up here and there, but to actually spend a day with them really got my creative juices flowing. So much so that I finally made a decision......I know what blanket I'm going to make for my Geekling!! Squee!!! I've been planning it today and really cannot wait to get started on it. Even though I was only supposed to focus on finishing things today, I just couldn't help myself which is a good sign, indeed.

Not bad for my first Finish Friday!!! Three UFO's are out of my bucket, I now have a new blanket to start obsessing about, and my Mister and I don't have to use our swimsuits as underwear anymore. Here's hoping next week's Finish Friday!!! will be as full of win as this one was.

NatCroMo Resolutions

2011-03-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

So I didn't make any New Year's Resolutions this year. As I had mentioned earlier, I really didn't want to start a year with a list of my future failures. (Yay for optimism!) However, since March does happen to be my favorite month, I decided I am going to make some NatCroMo Crochet Resolutions for this month. I really do have a lot of items to cross off my crochet to-do list and I figured that of all months, this is the month to get the ball rolling.

So, in honor of National Crochet Month, every Friday is going to be (drum-roll please!) Finish Friday!!!! Each Friday (which I now have off- whoo me!) I will work on a project (or more depending on how much work is involved in said project) to finish it. I may start a new project during the week, but I need to work on finishing a UFO each Friday. Hopefully it will get my Crochet ADD under control and will massively decrease my UFO project list. WHOO ME!

For my first Finish Friday!!!! I will be working on TWO Felted Watermelon Totes. I started both of these last fall- one of them is for my mother and it is alllllmost done. It was supposed to be for her birthday in September. Ummmm.....yeah. Huge crochet fail for me. The second one is actually for MOI! I'm not biased or anything so I can objectively say that it is a freakishly cute bag. I've made many of them for sale and, gosh darn it- I want one for me!!

I figure I have a few hours worth of crochet work on them- I crochet pretty darn fast, if I do say so myself- so I am confident that I will be able to finish both of these items tomorrow. And I'm not even going to cheat to ensure my success by getting a head start tonight. *crossing fingers behind back* Nope. Going to be completely finished on Friday. *teeheehoohoo!*

In honor of my Watermelon Tote Crochet Marathon, and to help me decrease my wool stash, I am offering a limited supply of Felted Watermelon Tote KITS in my Pomquat Etsy store. That's right folks! I'm offering a complete kit- wool, handles, beads, decorative button, and magnetic clasp- along with the pattern! (Fabric for lining is NOT included).

If you have made this pattern, please drop me a line and send me some pictures! I'd love to see (and even share here on my blog!) your creations! If you have the pattern but have not started it yet, or if you just have some UFOs you need to get done, join me tomorrow for FINISH FRIDAY!!!!

Alright- I'm going to get my supplies ready in anticipation for my crochet marathon tomorrow. I'm pumped! I'm ready! I'm an animal, Rocky!

March is Here!

2011-03-01T23:06:00.005-05:00

The bestest month of the year is finally here! I'm so excited, my Spidey senses are beginning to tingle- either that or I may need to consult with my OB again.... Either way, I am so happy to know that spring is right around the corner! NatCroMo and NatNutMo, I am ready for you to work your amazing fibrous magic on me!

I really could use some March Magic. This cold has really kicked my butt big time. I finally went back to work today but am wondering if I pushed myself too hard since I'm still hacking up a lung if I talk too much (not too conducive for counseling others) or laugh too hard (as I found out tonight watching Raising Hope. Hi-freaking-larious show!)

However, even being so sick I sounded like I gargled with glass was no match for how I felt when I got home, parked my car, and checked my mailbox.

OPEN LETTER TO MY NEIGHBORS (or anyone who walks their dog in a neighborhood):

Hello to all the wonderful dog people in this neighborhood!

I'm sure your lovely dog, Cujo, is just a ginormous, lovable, slobbering ball of fur who loves to go on his afternoon walkies. However, when your Mr. Ed sized dog leaves a chihuahua sized turd right in front of your neighbor's mailbox, the polite, neighborly, and non-vomit inducing thing to do is to PICK THE FREAKING THING UP AND THROW IT AWAY! In YOUR trashcan! I know you saw it- heck, even Chekov on the International Space Station could see it. Most importantly, I could see it! And smell it through my congestion impaired red nose! I do not dump my cat liter in your front yard but if I ever find out which one of you lovely dog people allowed your precious Sweetums to leave me this present, you bet your patootie I am going to return the favor. Pooper Scoopers are not just funny sounding mythical objects- they are real and were invented for a reason. If you can afford food for The Beast, you can afford a $10 device that will spread peace and goodwill in your neighborhood rather than parvo and Hepatitis A. If you are not willing to clean up after your dog, get a cat. They come potty trained.

Sincerely,
Your Neighbor Who Put the Crazy in Crazy Cat Lady.
Cats rule! Dogs drool!

Another Round of Vapo Rub on the House!

2011-02-25T20:39:00.000-05:00

Ugh. I really hate being sick. Especially when I sound like death and can't take the meds I'm used to taking to knock me out for the night so I don't constantly wake up trying to stifle a cough. However, I was able to rest a lot today and actually got excited about a project. Just what the doctor ordered!

I started yarn doodling today and am pretty excited- hasn't happened in a while! Let's just hope I can keep this enthusiasm up so I can start finishing things, as well. Encouragement is greatly appreciated. Time management is not my strong suit, so any helpful tips you may have are also greatly appreciated. Seriously. I'll share your tips online- both so I can have a record I can go back to, and also to share them with others who may suffer the same "I-don't-know-what-to-start-first-so-I-better-get-the-nap-out-of-the-way" time management method that I seem to favor.

I think I'm getting into that "nesting" phase of pregnancy. Also the "OMG I only have 4 months before a helpless bundle of love and poop comes and will occupy all my time and I have so much to do before he gets here" panic mode of pregnancy. (Also, I'm still getting used to the fact that I actually am pregnant, much less the fact that there is a little boy inside of me. Too.weird.) Hopefully all my enthusiasm and resolve is not solely the result of fever induced delirium and I'll have something to show off in the next couple weeks. Crossing my fingers, y'all!

Lawyers and Toddlers and Baby Showers, Oh My!

2011-02-24T23:03:00.000-05:00

I just got back home from a great trip "back home" with my sis. (Thank you so much for asking about my disappearance, Tracy- everything has been going great, for reals. :) ) I had started this post while I was there, but I really was so exhausted from all the running around I had to do (I was there to take care of family business, primarily for my 92 year old grandmother...thus the lawyer) that I simply ran out of time.

I had a great time and got to stay with Ronda and her wonderful family. I have a guest blog of hers to post later this weekend, actually, so you can catch up on her shenanigans, too. She has three adorable kiddos (and it's so weird to see them so big- I remember holding her oldest as an infant at Olive Garden where she decided to have a diaper explosion on me....ahhh....good times. I'm so going to torment her when she's older with that story. Over and over and over again. It's the gift that keeps on giving.)

Ronda is actually testing a pattern for me, which is awesome. We stayed up every night until 2am catching up and crocheting (more her than me, actually- I was having some digestion issues. Got a little carried away with the green chile. If you are from NM, you understand. If not...I feel sorry for you.)

The highlight of my visit came on Sunday- my sister, mother, and aunt threw me a surprise baby shower! Ronda was in on it, too and I'm so proud of her (and yet a little irked) for not giving it away. I was so very touched by my aunts and cousins that showed. (I have about a million of them, so there really was a great turnout). Some of which I hadn't seen in 15 years- seriously, it was an amazing day and I'm still smiling thinking about it. :)

Saturday I was able to do something that could have gone very wrong but didn't so I can still brag about how awesome I am. I attended a 6 year old's birthday party with Ronda's family at the local roller rink. Yes, my friends. I got my ever expanding 5 month pregnant booty on a pair of roller skates and totally held my own with all those young whipper snappers. As I whipped around that arena, envisioning myself going all roller derby on those whiny little babies as I ruled the rink, I couldn't help thinking to myself, "You are still young, fit, and totally amazing. Gege, you've still got it. You are my hero." The adrenaline rush of reliving my childhood and the pride of not falling and causing a catastrophic event delayed the eventual truth of the situation. Man, I was so freaking sore the next day- my hips hurt, my back hurt, my thighs hurt, and eventually my pride hurt as I thought, "What the heck were you thinking, you moron!" as I popped yet another Extra Strength Tylenol.

It was a great week, but I did miss my Mister and it's always nice to sleep in your own bed. Even though I was picturing a much more romantic return with lots of snuggling at night, I unfortunately caught a really wicked cold out there and am pretty darn miserable right now....as is my Mister who has to endure my mouth breathing and a bed filled with snotty tissues. As well as a pregnancy induced emotional breakdown over a stretch mark that may or may not have formed tonight. He knew I wasn't the most rational person when he married me, so he handled this meltdown like a pro. I, on the other hand, did not. I'm still slipping and sliding on my bed from bathing in all that Palmer's Cocoa Butter.

Ok. Time to drift off into dreamland where my delusions of grandeur are completely devoid of tantrum inducing stretchmarks and are instead filled with roller derby awesomeness. And Nyquil. Alcohol filled nectar of the gods Nyquil. Oh how I miss thee.

Snips & Snails and Puppy Dog Tails.....

2011-02-16T01:17:00.000-05:00

.....that's what my little Geekling is made of. Yayayay!

These last few weeks have been a roller coaster for my Mister and me *(see below), but I'm very happy to report that we were able to cap it off with the wonderful news that our little one is doing very well and that, as one of my dear friends put it, there is indeed a stem on the apple. Or, as I've said so many times it's now obnoxious but I'll say it again because it makes me giggle: out little peanut has a peanut.

We've been waiting for this news so we can start choosing names- something I must admit that I'm a little stressed about. It's really an important decision to make- something that will have lifelong effects if we make a wrong choice. We don't want to choose something that's too trendy or so youneek that he's teased throughout school, yet don't want to choose something that is too common, either. Maybe I'll tap into my Native American roots and name him after something I see or feel during birth. (This is my son, Epidural OhnodidIpoop! He was almost named Episiotomy Iampushingyouwhore, but Epidural has a better ring to it, doncha think?)

I've also been waiting to know the gender so that I can start planning a blanket for reals. I have an idea for one in my mind that I've had for a while. It's something I've thought of since I made my Not Quite Mitered hat which I thought would make a really fun, crazy blanket.

I have a ton of the yarn in my stash (a cotton/acrylic blend for laundering ease) however, I'm not quite sold on it as of yet. I do think I'll make it into a blanket, but I don't know if it'll be THE blanket, ya know? Anywho, I've got to really get cranking on this, so hopefully inspiration will soon find me.

Another project that I need to get fleshed out into woolly goodness is something I started on over a year ago but put on the back burner due to the sucky-ness of last year. It's actually a diaper bag that I absolutely adore and I've been wanting to start it again for a while now. However, I could not find the notebook where I sketched it and started the pattern. This notebook also had the pattern for my Coco bag and I was going nuts for weeks trying to find it. I'm very happy to report that, after some very fervent prayer this evening, I finally found it. It was in the bottom of a box of stuff I had thrown together while "organizing" our house a few weeks ago for the appraiser. This taught me two lessons: 1) There truly is power in prayer. Why I didn't try that first, I'll never know. 2) I'm never organizing my house again.

Ok- enough updating for now. Time for me to ~~poke my belly to try to get the baby to move~~ go to sleep. Laters.

*(Anytime I pull a disappearing act from here is most likely due to my personal life hitting the crapper. I had a health scare these last few weeks and was preoccupied with many doctor visits and tests. However, I'm very relieved to report I'm doing a-ok. Our sonogram on Friday truly was a wonderful way to cap off two very stressful weeks. I'll be catching up on comments and emails in the next couple days.)

Snow, snow, go away....

2011-01-26T20:56:00.001-05:00

I think I'm getting a little cabin feverish right now. It's snowing. Let me rephrase that: IT.IS.SNOWING. We are expecting 8-10 inches by midnight so, by the accuracy of our weather folks last year, we'll most likely get a foot and a half. I must admit I'm a little upset and worried and bored and not happy right now.

To make matters worse, my Mister left work an hour and a half later than he said he would- well after the heavy snow started- and is now going to have to spend the night at a friend's house (my BFF and fellow Canadian tourist, lyteyz). So, I'm stuck, in a blizzard, all alone. And pregnant. By myself. ARGH.

My Mister is now safe at lyteyz's house and let me know that I'll probably have to pick him up tomorrow since he won't be able to get out. Since her husband was still battling the storm and not yet home, my Mister started shoveling off her driveway as soon as he arrived. He's such a gentleman. When lyteyz told me this, the true gravity of the situation occurred to me. Not only am I home alone in a blizzard, but I am also going to have to shovel all that freakin' snow off our driveway tomorrow by my lonely pregnant self if I ever want to see my Mister again. What the what?!?

Last year at this time, this was not a problem. I even posted a pic of me shoveling snow after our humongous, record breaking storms- I do not mind the hard work. Or at least I didn't last year when I was working side-by-side with my Mister. This year is another ball of wax. Not only am I by myself and not able to fit in my snow pants anymore, but it is also sleet mixed with snow which means it's going to be super heavy and/or icy tomorrow morning. Oh, and I AM PREGNANT.

On the one hand, this is a prime opportunity to start racking up the mom-guilt stories for my unborn babe. (Not only was I in labor for 30 hours with you, but I also had to shovel heavy, icy snow for hours while I was carrying your unborn keister just to be able to walk 4 miles uphill both ways to get to the one-room schoolhouse so don't you dare talk to me about needing a potty break! Get back to work- my toenails do not cut themselves, you know!)

On the other hand, as much as I would love to think I'm Wonder Woman (I truly do look like her when I wear my blue contacts- true story), I must grudgingly admit that some things are not as easy for me to accomplish as they were just 4 months ago. Like, going just 1 hour without burping, farting or wishing I was.

Like I said- Argh.

Of course you know that I'm going to go with what's on the third hand- putting my SUV in 4 wheel drive and muscling my way out. Yeehaw! Snow- you have met your match! Wonder Woman? Nah- Tim Allen is more my speed. (Cue grunts now).

Feed Me, Seymour!

2011-01-22T12:29:00.001-05:00

This week, while mostly spent sitting on my butt either driving to/from or attending meetings, marked a turning point for me. My appetite is slowly returning, my food aversions have abated somewhat, and I haven’t had my indigestion filled belching spells in about 5 days. AND I picked up my hooks again this week. (!!) Woot!

I’m actually working on a Felted Watermelon Tote for my mother. It was supposed to be for her birthday in September. Then, it was supposed to be one of her Christmas presents. Now….it’s looking more and more like a Mother’s Day gift. Oh bother. Actually, I’m heading back home next month for a short visit, so my goal is to have it completed- lined and all- by the time I leave. Oy to the vey….wish me luck, y’all.

I must admit that I’m thankful my taste buds aren’t as mutinous anymore and are actually letting me eat some of my more regular, healthy foods. One of my goals is to keep my weight gain in check and a healthy diet is so very important for this. Unfortunately, the last few months haven’t exactly been filled with adequate fruit/veggies and whole grain, but the tide’s a changin’ my friends. Thank the Lord since those foods are very fiber rich and I can definitely use more fiber in my life. Seriously-I’m four months along yet my “baby bump” is actually more of a poop tummy thanks to my slower digestive system brought on by those awesome pregnancy hormones. As I down yet another glass of Metamucil, I try to remind myself that the bloat is also my adorable little sweetums and I will soon grow into those maternity jeans I prematurely bought on clearance at Target.

Here’s a pic of me two days ago.


Me, texting my sister: "Where's the baby??" Her reply: "In your boobs?"

Even though there hasn’t been that big a change in my body so far, I’ve been worried about the changes that will happen ever since I first saw that second line appear telling me my urine had superpowers. What the heck is going to happen to my body after I, ever so lovingly, expel a miniature human being out of my girlie parts?? I mean, your body cannot go through such an incredible change, growing, stretching, moving and pushing a 7 pound bowling ball out of a 2 inch hole (10cm is small, folks!) without leaving behind some sort of battle scars. Oh man…what have I gotten myself into???

*hyperventilating break* *hyperventilating break* *passing out break*

*Deep breaths*

Ok. I think I’ve composed myself again now. (Ack! No! I choose to ignore you visions of stretch marks and cankles!) I think I’ll be ok. Focus on the positive, Gege- eyes on the prize. Finish the Watermelon Tote for your mom. Mmmm….watermelon. You like watermelon. No, no! Stop thinking about your stomach looking like a watermelon! I have wool for you! Yes….that’s it…..breathe it in. Good girl. Here’s some Metamucil for you…..you’ll thank me later.

New Year, Old Me

2011-01-17T00:45:00.000-05:00

I did not even try to make up a New Year’s Resolution list this year because, let’s face it, what’s the point of starting out a New Year with a list that will highlight and predict all of your future failures? Instead, I made (and constantly revise/add/delete) a New Year’s Wish List for this year. Want to know what’s on my list? I just knew you did!

1) I wish my taste buds would allow me to enjoy the healthy foods (heck, even the unhealthy ones) that I once enjoyed without telling my brain they taste like a mixture of poo and bile. I’ve heard of the wondrous and somewhat mythical sounding “pregnancy cravings” and am starting to think they exist in the North Pole with Santa and the Easter Bunny. Food aversions are really making it difficult to be a “practice what I preach” nutritionist and I’m really hoping my poor little Geekling isn’t going to be born with a pre-disposition for picky eating. That and ugliness. I really hope it isn’t ugly. (What? Oh come on- you can’t tell me you hoped for an ugly baby!)

2) I wish I wasn’t so dang tired at the end of a normal work day and subsequently fall asleep in odd positions on the couch every evening. Two hour naps right before bedtime does not allow me to do much else except drool on my couch pillows and groggily drag myself upstairs to finish that weird dream where my coworker was pregnant with sextuplets and was casually giving birth to them, popping them out and leaving them where they landed as she was walking down the side of the road and then walking back up the road to pick them up and dust them off. (She laughed when I told this to her the next day, but as a mother of 5, she truly thought it was a nightmare….for her.)

3) I wish I did not increase my work hours. I know this sounds horrible, especially in light of the current economy. While I am very thankful for my job and for the larger paycheck more hours bring, I truly do miss having my crochet days! How can I run a blog called “Gege Crochet” if I am not able to crochet anymore?? I’m also feeling my rear end expanding by the hour and I am pretty darn sure that my uterus is NOT next to my gluteus maximus, so it’s not “all baby”. Granted, if I wasn’t sleeping for 12 hours a day, I’d most likely have the time to both crochet AND exercise like I had planned out in my “pregnancy is going to be a piece of cake because I counsel pregnant women all the time and I know exactly what to do to be healthy and not gain too much weight and bounce right back into shape once the little peanut is finally here” plan. Ok- this sounds like an addendum to Wish #2 above (and quite possibly also the result of some crazyass pregnancy hormones), so I get another Wish #3.

3) I wish that I was dedicated enough to keep my craft zone as organized as it currently is. While I am looking forward to the day my energy magically returns, which in turn will release the whirlwind of creative frenzy that has been pent up for the last few months, I’m also extremely fearful of said frenzy and how it will transform my precious wool stash into weapons of mass destruction on my house. It’s currently sitting there, all innocent and precious, just biding its time when it will leap out of its plastic prison and claim my living room in the name of All Things Sheepy, fighting off my vain attempts to control it with their sharpened crochet hooks that look suspiciously like knitting needles. *shudder* I think I just developed my new weird dream for the night….

4) I wish I had fallen asleep when my Mister told me to instead of writing this blog post, even though it made me giggle but now has definitely guaranteed a 3 hour after-work nap tomorrow.

Good night, y’all.